Story Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot however are my creation. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No profit is being made from this, nor am I expecting any profit to be made, no copyright infringement is intended.
Now that that's out of the way, I want to thank a fellow author by the name of Felix. His story, "Luca", is the semi-inspiration for this story. I contacted him and I asked if it was ok to have his characters make a few cameo appearances later in my story, to which he had this to say,
---"Thank you very much for asking. I would be honored to even have one cameo in your story!"---
So with that end, I guess I'm gonna cameo it up! lol
Seriously though, Felix is a great writer and I encourage everyone to read his stories which can be found here ----> http://agn.ph/fics/viewuser.php?uid=164
Like this story, don't like this story? Either way, drop a review and lemme know ^_^. Anyway, thanks for clicking on the link and at least giving Mina a try!
NEW!
For those who have ever even visited the forum, it has been revised due to the site overhaul. The new link is this: http://forums.agn.ph/index.php?topic=38.msg282#msg282
-
Chapter 0: Prologue. (10825 words)
[Reviews: 4] Chapter Zero is Mina and Luke's back story. It happens when they are young, so there will be no sex in this chapter. There is however a very tender loving moment. I pride my stories for their plot more than smut, but I assure you, there will be smut later on.
-
Chapter 1: Nyan Fox 'or' Happy Birthday. (19084 words)
chapter 1! finally it's done! In this chapter, we get a clear, or not so clear, view of where Mina and Luke's relationship is. Also, there is a guy you will meet named Jean, I imagine him to have a sort of Brooklyn/Italian accent, but its hard to say that in the story, because in that world, Brooklyn and Italy do not exist. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and the super secret scene at the end for all my adoring fans! ;D
(Edit) For the people who've already read the chapter!
there is a scene in which Luke talks about going to Sinnoh. This was a typo. What I actually meant was Heonn. I have made the necessary corrections, I apologize for the missleadings. -
Chapter 2: A Long Road Ahead. (6403 words)
After Mina's birthday surprise, the two set out on their journey to Opelucid City for a contest. Along the way they meet a stranger who gives them a bit of trouble.
-
Chapter 3: To Kill a Chatot. (6358 words)
In this chapter, Luke and Mina attempt to remedy Caleb's oppressive views on his pokemon. Not all goes as planned though as the group gets attacked by a mysterious man.
-
Chapter 4: Today's Forecast; Rainy with a chance of conquest! (8150 words)
[Reviews: 2] In this chapter, Caleb finds out about Luke and Mina's relationship and takes it pretty hard. The group comes across the National weather institute and decide to take a tour there.
-
Chapter 5: Enter Archangel. (9058 words)
[Reviews: 2] Our heroes manage to escape from their captors, but escaping is not an option. Archangel has the entire facility on lock down. What is their goal? Who is in control? And what are they after?
-
Chapter 6: The Lonely Angel. (6558 words)
[Reviews: 4] Day 1 of Luke's rest. With the life of her love's on the line, tensions are mounting. Mina uses Caleb to vent her frustrations and she raises questions about the trainer's mixed and often contradictory emotions. He decides to reveal a secret he has harbored since before he became a trainer.
-
Chapter 7: When in Poke'land, do as The Pokemon do. (12397 words)
[Reviews: 2] Caleb gets a little more than he bargained for when Mina fulfills his wishes and turns him into a pokemon.
-
Chapter 8: Absol-ute Adventure. (13883 words)
[Reviews: 3] Caleb meets a pokemon and decides to spend his day with her. He then gets more than he bargained for when he discovers what it is like to be a pokemon in the wild.
*Warning*
This chapter Contains short scenes of a pokemon being killed and then consumed as a means of conveying the "circle of life." Reader discretion is advised. -
Chapter 9: Face Off! Caleb's Return! (13016 words) [Reviews: 1]
As expected, Caleb comes back after spending the night with Azure. Now as a real Absol, he must face the pokemon he had claimed to be on his side.
On another note. Luke Finally wakes up and is greeted by the pleasant chaos that ensues.
Date:May 1 2013 Chapter:Chapter 0: Prologue.
Quite a good start, no gramatical or spelling errors that I could find, so that's promising. However, what I did notice was the use of ALL CAPS for yelling near the beginning, which felt a bit harsh on the reader.
I was disappointed that the rest of Luke's pokemon friends weren't going to have a prominent role in the rest of the story. Hopefully Luke and Mina's relationship won't be too stale with just the two of them.
Great job, hope you stick around and keep writing this. 8/10 for now, until the story fleshes itself out in future chapters.
--Cyn
Cyn!
First lemme say that I love bridging dimensions, second, I'm really glad that you brought up ku, Fii, and Cel. I can assure you that those three will return. As for how and why, you'll just have to stick around ;)
Thanks for reading and the review!
-CS
Date:Jun 4 2013 Chapter:Chapter 0: Prologue.
{} Achievement Unlocked: 50G
Dem Feels!
"Have a heart-felt conversation between the main character(s), resulting in an emotional outburst."
Thanks for the review Captain!
I hope you are ready for a ride cuz this story is gonna take for eva! >:)
And I also hope to hear more from you. I take suggestions very seriously, so if you have one; feel free to shoot me with it! ;)
Date:Jun 6 2013 Chapter:Chapter 0: Prologue.
The beginning was great. Well written, well paced, a great way to set up your story. However, starting from chapter 3, things feel a bit... rushed. I understand that you want to get the main plot going, but you start to reveal too much information over a short period of time. For example, the kid was a little quick to accept everything Luke told him.
Luke is also showing telltale signs of being a Mary Sue. I.e. "you're the chosen one, you deflect fire with your hands, you have to save the future with Crystal Celebi (I'm assuming). I understand you don't want to make your character flawed, but you'll find it makes them more believable in the long run.
In the end, it's up to you whether you take my advice or are offended by it. Know only that I mean well, and I look forward to your future work.
Thanks for reading, and reviewing!
I wouldn't be too quick to calling Luke "the chosen one" just yet. The way the story is going currently, he is only a victim of circumstance. I'm not sure what you will think of Caleb in chapter 4, i think I did a good job of turning his personality around, but I'm afraid it came off a bit weak and pointless. Gimme a review again once you've read chapter 4 and I'll see if I have to change it.
Date:Jun 7 2013 Chapter:Chapter 4: Today's Forecast; Rainy with a chance of conquest!
However, one part still nags at me. Personally (and now this is just me), I'm not a fan of the Deus ex Machina stone. I strongly recommend against its frequent use, as it becomes predictable and lacks tension ("How will Luke get out of this one?". "Oh, I know the stone will save him... again). Besides the stone, I find that Caleb was a little quick to take Luke's side again, concidering he was completely against them one second, the next second the stone twists his arm, and suddenly he's ok with it.
There. I'm glad to see you receive criticism well, and I wish to remind you that although I criticize, I'm still impressed with this work.
I look forward to future chapters, 9/10.
Thank you for commenting again scratch!
I shouldn't tell you this because its kind of a spoiler, but... the stone... the stone didn't actually do anything in those occurrences. Its not an object that gives Luke power, but it is very important and is kind of in only the tiniest amount, responsible for Luke's powers. Luke's abilities will continue to be a mystery for quite some time longer.
One more thing. I would think that Caleb would be more apt to taking Luke's side once he found out they had a way of communication, after all the bigger the dessentor, the bigger the supporter. I mean, the only reason why bestiality is illegal in most of the world is because there is no way for the animal to consent. I think its deeper than that though, when ever most people see an animal, its just that. An animal. Its like an object that has no voice, but when you apply a voice and a personality, it becomes closer to what you are, and I think that when Caleb found out that Mina could transform and speak (English) it was a turning point for him to say, "ok yea I get it." and maybe even see pokemon in a little bit of a different light... But thats for everyone other than me to agree or disagree with. Tell you the truth, I can understand why people would think that chapters 2-4 would feel rushed, and thats because as you said, I want to get the plot going and there's just not that exciting writing nothing but: "We walked over a branch. Caleb tripped. We laughed, forest scene!!! :D"
So, I will continue to try to come up with interesting plots, and I hope you continue reading, and reviewing. :)
Date:Jun 8 2013 Chapter:Chapter 4: Today's Forecast; Rainy with a chance of conquest!
I am afraid the story is going a bit too fast for how long its gonna be. Luke was originally supposed to awaken his hidden abilities on route 8 after Icirrus city, but I decided to push it up to now. Looking back, I think that might be a big boo boo. I was also not going to make my appearance until chapter 20 or so, but since I am a time traveler, I had to push that up as well. If you want any more information, I would be happy to indulge your curiosity (To a point lol) in the forum I made here ----> http://agn.ph/site/forum/forum_viewtopic.php?37223 it is open to the public but I haven't gotten any feedback there yet 7_7. Anyway, thanks for your review! I hope to hear more from you! ^_^
Date:Jun 17 2013 Chapter:Chapter 5: Enter Archangel.
Thank you for your kind words. Its always nice to hear from someone who likes my work. I would like to hear more from you as I release more chapters; even if you have a problem with something. I'm always open to criticism :)
Date:Jun 18 2013 Chapter:Chapter 5: Enter Archangel.
That was really my biggest gripe, but if I had to choose something else, it'd be your tendency to create conflict that's instantly resolved (this was what I was talking about in the previous chapter too). For example, Caleb feeling sad, Luke saying something and Caleb getting over it instantly. How you could fix it? Well, I don't even know. This is something very common in a lot of stories, so for all I know it's not a real problem and it just bothers me.
Your story is shaping up quite nicely regardless. The Zoroark in a dress image is pretty hilarious, and to be honest, I like this more than Luca (the amount of run-on sentences in that story really put me off it).
Why thank you for another great review!
I know that Caleb has been harboring some weird feelings, and since he isn't a playable character yet, we cant really delve into his mind and see just what it is that is bothering him. Why does he have so many conflicting emotions? He wants to stay with Mina and Luke for some reason but I cannot divulge why in this response. I had an idea to clear it up in the next chapter and depending on how well I did write it rather than how I think I wrote it, it may make or break Caleb's seemingly Bi-polar attitude. Just remember I want Caleb to become a strong character so the beginning of this chapter was like "Become the soldier we need you to be" sort of thing. Over coming emotions is a crucial part of developing as a person, and I find it to be a terrible thing that people are crippled by their feelings so much so that they cannot function.
As for Luca, you really shouldn't knock it, I thoroughly enjoyed the story and it is the semi-inspiration for this story ;)
Anyway, I do hope you continue reading, I love hearing your criticism. Hopefully the next chapter will shed shome light on Caleb, but if it doesn't then that just means I have to try harder ^_^
Date:Jun 19 2013 Chapter:Chapter 6: The Lonely Angel.
Aww... Somehow I knew that would happen. Figures, I try to explain Caleb's position and it comes out weird and doesn't fit. :/
maybe I should try again...
Date:Jun 20 2013 Chapter:Chapter 6: The Lonely Angel.
As for Caleb's reveal... well... I guess it makes sense. I would have gone for giving him bipolar (leading to potential humor in future), but it's an acceptable explanation. However, like the previous commenter stated, Mina's anger at Caleb seems to come on almost as bipolar as Caleb himself (though I couldn't help feeling her dialogue mirrored my opinions quite well, hence why I think I'm influencing you too much).
Also, I wasn't kidding before about Luca. I'm sure the story is fine, but the writing style makes it impossible for me to finish.
I didn't want to tell you this, but everything that has happened so far has been what I originally planned. In fact, everything in the first act is already played out in my mind like a movie. That part with the tyranitar was coming weather someone suggested it or not; even Caleb's reviel was forshadowed at the river when he first got butt hurt over Luke and Mina. I promise that it wasn't something I pulled out of my ass to explain why he is a random guy lol. Your reviews did however affect tiny things here and there, a few dialogue, but I would hardly say that you're influencing the story too much. If you truly feel that way, then by all means take a step back, just know that I really do like hearing from you... even though, I guess you think I don't know what a mary sue is...
Which brings me to my next point. Yes, there is an evil organization. Yes Luke gets powers. Yes Luke does something about it, BUT!! it is not his "destiny" to do so, and he cannot do it alone. It is not his purpose to bring down Archangel and truthfully anyone with a large enough firepower could do it too. I really shouldn't even be talking about this because these events are not to be set in motion until Act-5. Hell, Luke isnt going to truly meet me until Act-2 and I have already forshadowed that at the river here in in measly chapter 3... or 4, cant remember... so, yea...
I hope you do keep reading though, and if you do, I think you might end up really enjoying this "Starwars thing" lol. Thanks scratch ;)
Date:Jun 21 2013 Chapter:Chapter 6: The Lonely Angel.
Major Name-Spelling Note:
Poochyena
And if it's not too much to ask, could you read and review my work?
LOL thanks for the name correction, WORD does not recognize pokemon's names so that means I have to look up every one of them in mah pokedex... or online. I let just that one slide cuz I thought I had it lol. oh well, I am a terrible speller.
ALSO, I will definitley read your stories, but seeing as how they are all rated XXX, you'll have to wait until next month because I have no internet at home. Wouldn't want to read erotic furry pokemon fanfiction at Mc.Donalds would we lol.
Thanks. :D