AGNPH Stories

Summary:

Micah is a lot like most pokemon trainers. He's pretty good at battling, he fights fair, and he loves his pokemon. He just might love his pokemon a little more than your average trainer.

Story Notes:

This story contains sexual happenings between a trainer and his pokemon. If that isn't really your thing, there's a back button and you can use that to leave the page.

(Pokemon and Mightyena belong to Nintendo.)
((The phrase "sexual happenings" might be my new favorite.))

  1. Around Dawn (997 words) [Reviews: 3]

    If you guys liked this, I'd love to hear. It's my first fanfic.

No comments posted
  •  
    Reviewer: redacted
    Date: Jul 20 2014 Chapter: Around Dawn
    By no means are you a bad writer, and I for once couldn't find any grammatical errors. But the way you instantly dive into the entire 'subject' seems to make this less interesting.
    That may be me just hating smut, but I don't think so.
    If you care only to target an audience of queer, sex obsessed perverts, keep doing what you're doing.
    Otherwise I suggest you lead up to the point, being too straight forward tends to be boring.
    Starting off like you did is okay, I guess? But I just don't agree with that method.
     
  •  
    Reviewer: damanlyguy
    Date: Jul 29 2014 Chapter: Around Dawn
    It's really well written for what it is.

    However, therein lies the problem: what it is. It's half of sex scene (we didn't even get to see what happened after Mightyena joined in). Perhaps consider introducing the character before you introduce the character's sexuality. If you plan for this to be a multi-chapter fic with some kind of story arc(as the non-complete tag seems to suggest), you want your audience to feel in connection. As of right now, the main character may as well not exist, as all we know about him is his cock.

    Well-written smut is just like any other story, except the sex is more common and descriptive. Just develop the characters first, then develop the sexualities. After the sexualities are developed and exposed to the readers, you can do whatever you want with them, but readers won't care about the smut if they don't care about the characters.

    TLDR: The smut was great! Just work on your character development a little more.

    RATINGS:
    Characters: 2/10 - not much to them :/
    Story: 1/10 - Storyline is nonexistent
    Smut: 8/10 - would be 10/10, but was unfinished
    Readability: 9/10 - try breaking up your paragraphs more

    AVERAGE: 5/10 - add some story and this could become something legendary.
     
  •  
    Reviewer: cathy
    Date: Sep 16 2014 Chapter: Around Dawn
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