ssb4lucariofan Date:Jun 16, 2015 10:09 PMTitle:My first lemon (Lucario x Braixen) Any feedback?
I know this forum isn't exactly exploding with life, but it never hurts to try, y'know? :P Just a quick intro to this thread. Since I posted this first on FurAffinity back in April I've shared it on many other sites (including SoFurry, Inkbunny, AsianFics, Fanfiction, AGNPH's Fics section of course, my NSFW tumblr, and Ao3) but despite the accumulation of views reaching over 1700, I have received very little feedback, which I thrive off of, be it C+C or a simple "good job" (though I encourage people to elaborate so I know what they liked.) I don't write a lot, but when I do, I still like feedback. That being said, I'll get to the story now.
Genre: Romance, erotica (not sure if this counts as a genre, but I included it anyway) Length: 1 Chapter, comprised of 5,314 words Warnings: This story contains descriptions of passionate sexual intercourse between two Pokemon.
Summary: After recovering from a life-threatening injury, Riky the Lucario is eager to get back on the road and avenge his murdered Master. However, when his human friends put the Lucario and his Pokemon friends through some controlled battles to ensure they are still in top form, he overworks himself. His childhood friend and girlfriend, Fiona the Braixen, seeing he is hurt, decides to help him when he goes to wash off in the shower. The two Pokemon end up unintentionally seducing each other. Story link: http://fics.agn.ph/viewstory.php?sid=1631
A few quick notes: This is the first lemon I've written. There is a good deal of buildup to the sex scene, which includes setting the overall scene and giving the characters some...character :P I feel lemons are best when there is some back story and the star characters don't feel like empty shells merely "clonking together" :P at roughly word 1,731 it becomes suggestive/questionable, and explicit at around word 2,068, so the majority of the this fic is NSFW.
Finally, sorry if some phrases or words come across as slightly repetitive; I wanted to stress how strongly Riky and Fiona feel for each other. To me personally, erotica (and sex in general) comes across as much more appealing and beautiful (for lack of a better term :P) when the characters involved demonstrate not only lust, but gentleness, care, affection, and passion for their lover (throwing in some cuteness can also help :P). I feel that when adding these to the mix the end result is heartwarming, pleasantly arousing, and enjoyable to read. I hope my attempts at doing this here was a success cX
All this said, give me your best shot...please? :P what do you like? what do you dislike? Do you have questions, comments...or concerns? :P
ripparu Date:Jun 18, 2015 2:23 AMTitle:Re: My first lemon (Lucario x Braixen) Any feedback?
Hey~
Just sayin' for the moment, but I read the fic, I'm just taking my time reviewing (I'm slow) to make sure I'm saying something useful- but I'll have er' up sometime soon-
Date:Jun 16, 2015 10:09 PM Title:My first lemon (Lucario x Braixen) Any feedback?
Genre: Romance, erotica (not sure if this counts as a genre, but I included it anyway)
Length: 1 Chapter, comprised of 5,314 words
Warnings: This story contains descriptions of passionate sexual intercourse between two Pokemon.
Summary: After recovering from a life-threatening injury, Riky the Lucario is eager to get back on the road and avenge his murdered Master. However, when his human friends put the Lucario and his Pokemon friends through some controlled battles to ensure they are still in top form, he overworks himself. His childhood friend and girlfriend, Fiona the Braixen, seeing he is hurt, decides to help him when he goes to wash off in the shower. The two Pokemon end up unintentionally seducing each other.
Story link: http://fics.agn.ph/viewstory.php?sid=1631
A few quick notes:
This is the first lemon I've written. There is a good deal of buildup to the sex scene, which includes setting the overall scene and giving the characters some...character :P I feel lemons are best when there is some back story and the star characters don't feel like empty shells merely "clonking together" :P at roughly word 1,731 it becomes suggestive/questionable, and explicit at around word 2,068, so the majority of the this fic is NSFW.
Finally, sorry if some phrases or words come across as slightly repetitive; I wanted to stress how strongly Riky and Fiona feel for each other. To me personally, erotica (and sex in general) comes across as much more appealing and beautiful (for lack of a better term :P) when the characters involved demonstrate not only lust, but gentleness, care, affection, and passion for their lover (throwing in some cuteness can also help :P). I feel that when adding these to the mix the end result is heartwarming, pleasantly arousing, and enjoyable to read. I hope my attempts at doing this here was a success cX
All this said, give me your best shot...please? :P what do you like? what do you dislike? Do you have questions, comments...or concerns? :P
Date:Jun 18, 2015 2:23 AM Title:Re: My first lemon (Lucario x Braixen) Any feedback?
Just sayin' for the moment, but I read the fic, I'm just taking my time reviewing (I'm slow) to make sure I'm saying something useful- but I'll have er' up sometime soon-
Date:Jun 18, 2015 9:30 PM Title:Re: My first lemon (Lucario x Braixen) Any feedback?