Story Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
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Chapter 1 (976 words) [Reviews: 1]
This is a pm chat modified to fit Fic guidelines, about a male Glaceon x male Espeon.
Date:Sep 7 2012 Chapter:Chapter 1
I'll try to be nice, but, I can be a little too blunt sometimes. I'll start with the negatives, then, end with positives.
First off, PLEASE don't post roleplay logs, as they are confusing to read at times, and, the format often is an eye sore due to differing post lengths. Much better to write a story using the roleplay as a basic idea, but not the story base. Besides, this is an area for stories, not roleplay logs.
You used a first-person point of view, however, it is generally unadvised to write in first person, however, when done correctly, it can be an extremely emotionally connected story, however, of my 3+ years of reading furry fiction on sofurry.com, furaffinity.net, and here on agn.ph (and agnph.net 2+ years ago.) I have only seen a select few authors who I'd have faith in a first person point-of-view story from.
On story flow, it's choppy and rushed, but, it's a roleplay log, and, in the heat of the moment, it doesn't seem like it. I've found from all three of the sites I write on, that, you'll get more reads and favorites if you will flesh out the details of a smut-scene, and keep the reader connected to the scene. Quick stories like this often are barely ever read.
Another thing I noticed: Why is there a bestiality/zoophilia tag? I see none of such in this story. Don't tag a story with something that isn't in it.
Now then, on a more positive note, you seem to have a basic grasp of the English language, and, I'm sure in due time I'll be reviewing other stories you submit to here. Best of luck.
As for a rating, I'll give this a 2/10, for reasons I explained above.
Ok, so you review my worst story? What the hell? Don't be so critical on the worst story, if you won't do one of my good ones. And it isn't a roleplay log, this is based off an rp, it isn't an rp.