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Thinking Outside The Box.

The worst part about being dead, Kale decided, Is that it's incredibly boring.

Was it too much to ask for a lone hill... a tree maybe? Or perhaps a jagged crag in the ground, something to show a form of terrain that would break the bland vista that stretched in unquantifiable distances all around. He’d even take a lesser miracle than a physical object in the ground, how about something easy, like sky?

Kale’s features twisted into a grimace as he came to a meandering halt, stretching. How long had he been traversing this post-mortal plain, anyhow? Hours? Days? Arceus help him... years?

No, couldn’t be that long, surely. Gravelers, like most pokémon attuned to the earth, had excellent senses of geological time. He’d certainly have some concept of being here for such an enormous expanse. Wouldn’t he?

With a huff, he plunked himself down on the curious, spongy surface that made up the floor of this... place... for lack of a better word. If, in fact, it was a where, and not some other thing that Kale's limited mortal experience had no definition for. His feet were decidedly sore from so much unaccustomed walking, even though this ground was soft as rain dampened loam.

Afterlife ain't all it's cracked up to be. I'd expect at least some pits of flames or somethin, or bright lights and tunnels. Instead I feel like I'm walkin' on a sleeping ditto all the time.'  Even when he’d woken up here, it had been decidedly uneventful. No soft, welcoming glow at the end of a long journey, and no spiralling, screaming descent into the underworld either. Simply one moment of the comforting pseudo-sleep and artificial night of his pokéball, then a rude awakening into... this.  

The surface beneath him formed neatly to his backside, oozing suspiciously to fill every cranny of his craggy, pebbled skin. Comfy, but unsettling, especially when he could barely see it. Who knew what it was getting up to down there... It made him shudder involuntarily.

This is even worse than the time Taro dragged me along with ‘im for pondweed huntin’, and we ran into those Muks... He really shouldnt’ve tried to compare their leader’s mama to a- He cringed at the memory. He didn’t even want to go any further in it. Getting somewhere, now there was a pleasant thought, wasn’t it? Yes, much more appealing.  

Walking on this goop was more trouble than it was worth, really, but the temptation to curl into his accustomed stony ball and roll towards his unknown destination was firmly squashed by the lack of a perceivable direction to roll in.

Or, for that matter, to walk in. Walking for hours and not getting anywhere was far more disheartening when there didn’t appear to be a where to get to.

Kale peered upwards, squinting, as if that would actually help pierce the gloom. It hadn't before. Still, it felt like he was achieving something with the action. Nothing. No sign of a ceiling, sky, or... anything else that was typically above one's head. The view was exactly the same as it was in every direction, save for the formless, featureless mass beneath his feet. Blackness, endless swaths of the stuff, nearly a physical pall that hung around him.

He wouldn't call it pitch black, not exactly. It wasn't the kind of darkness that seemed to seethe with menace, to surround you and steal away every fragment of your being. Nor was it that friendly darkness of a typical outdoor nighttime, with prickles of frigid light from moon or stars, or the harsher, human-made lights that stabbed through the shroud with their welcoming yellow glow. No, this was that kind of dark that just gave you an impression �a concept of size, distance, form... of existence... yet no hard facts that anything you saw was reality.

Taro’d probably have somethin’ to say about it. Some long, jibber-jabber explanation about horizon lines and dimensions and get-all. Hell, he might even know where this is, if anyone would.’

Kale reclined, picturing the unforgettable visage of his old team-mate once again. Strange. Here, it didn’t bring the stab of pain that it usually did. That gut-wrenching, spine-numbing sensation, that profound loss, the terrible knowledge that he’d never again know his remarkably tender touch, hear his whispered words... Instead, it was more of a detached, hollow blandness. Not unlike this place he found himself in, strangely enough.

Come to think of it, his own abrupt death bore more similarities to Taro’s than he’d initially realized, however long ago he’d arrived here. One moment, the ball, the next... poof. No more Taro.

Now, no more Kale, either.

He was dead, wasn’t he? Kale’s mouth set in a firm line as he concentrated, attempting to sort out the thoughts skittering across his mind like so many marbles. If there’d been some sort of shock --a pain, or sensation of the real world-- before waking up here, then there could be no doubt. Yet, there had been nothing at all, had there? Not even a transition, just nap time to boredom land.

Had he and Taro’s trainer suddenly died in some horrible accident while he’d been in the ball? No, Kale rationalized, that doesn’t make sense. Even with me’n the rest stored away, he would’ve had that flashy new guy out, that kabutops character... what was his name again? Oh yes, Vance. Hell, he’s been stealin’ my thunder more often’n not lately. Funny, how quick he seemed to replace Taro on the team. Kale’s lips turned down. Not in any of the good ways though, the prick!      

It truly was unfortunate timing too. Alex would be extremely annoyed with him for going off and dying right before the big tournament. Well, not that his annoyance would really make a difference, but there it was. Kale’s frown deepened. He hoped his trainer... make that, former trainer... was alright. Despite Alex’s harsh competitive streak, he wasn’t all that bad, really. Could certainly have been worse. Though, Kale had always harboured a seed of resentment at how casually Alex had written off Taro’s death.

Sure, the human hadn’t known how close the two of them had been, but really... One would think some reaction was warranted when one of your team passed on, especially with no explanation as to how it had happened. Why, Alex had never even mentioned that Taro was gone! Just acted like he’d never even existed! Everyone dealt with loss differently, true, but recalling Alex’s seeming apathy made Kale’s jaw clench tight. They’d been friends, dammit! And more recently, far more!

A stray wisp of an idea niggled at the back of Kale’s mind, like a burr caught beneath a fold of skin. Something about trainers having more than six pokémon, yet not being able to carry them all...

Before the notion could formulate, it was already gone, slipping through his grasping fingers like sand. Kale grumbled impotently, peeved at his lack of ability to remember. Though, this was the first time that half-recalled fact had stood out to him at all. Something to do with his current state of afterlife limbo, perhaps? Possible, but how did this not-quite-knowledge help his current quandary? Well, that at least was an easy one to answer.

It helped about as much as a vaporeon in a rainstorm.

Feeling as if he were a million years old, Kale found the wherewithal to heave himself to his feet, new determination rising up in his craw. The gluey surface beneath him seemed dead-set upon hanging onto him, clinging with a resolute staunchness that no inanimate object should retain. Quite disturbing, when it was one’s backside that such a mire seemed so silently possessive of, yet Kale managed to put aside the squeamish sensation and brush the stuff away, freeing himself from the spongy fingers.

Bloody hell... I don’t mind someone having a feel down there, but there’s limits to how much molestin’ I’ll take from a pile of goop.

Knowing it wouldn’t do any good, Kale planted a kick in the springy ground, growling quite viciously. The stuff wobbled, bore the imprint of his foot for a moment, then sprang back into its former gelatinous set, no worse for wear. He felt better anyhow.

That’ll teach you!

Kale planted his fists on his sides --approximately where the hips would be, on a creature that had them-- and surveyed the bleak landscape. “Right then,” he spoke to the darkness, his thick burr resonating through the gloom. “Who’s the feller in charge here? I’ve got a few issues with the way things are runnin’.”

He wasn’t expecting an answer, of course, so he was understandably shocked when one came.

“No-one rules in the interface, for no user can reign supreme over another.”

Kale let out an extremely undignified cry, falling over backwards onto the wobbly ground. He tumbled end over end, tucking instinctively into a protective ball, though with nothing around to stop him, it took a moment for his backwards momentum to peter out. The surface, he noted in a detached way, had abruptly gone from the consistency of sludge, to that of polished glass.

Now, how in the blazes’d somethin’ like that happen.

“The interface consists of indeterminate variable factors,” the voice intoned, startling him once again. More unsettling than the voice, this time, was the fact that it appeared to be answering his very thought. “Any user can alter these variables to their choosing, yet few possess the knowledge to do so.”

Cautiously, Kale peered around, not yet uncurling from his defensive pose. Like the confounded darkness, the voice seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere. It was a vaguely feminine tone --throaty, and a full octave higher than most masculine voices ranged in-- yet at the same time it had an androgynous quality that left him too unsure to say for certain. Still, he couldn’t help but think of the voice as ‘female’. It made it a degree or two less... creepy.

“Uh...” Kale faltered, at last bringing his arms down to his sides. If this unseen female was in fact a threat, she already had full advantage of him, and presenting a non-threatening posture might help his standing a jot. Or, so he hoped. “Where are you?”

The reply was crisp and instantaneous. “My physical location is designated as serial-bus hub 901138. My meta-physical location encompasses the interface as a whole, and as such is undefined.”

The answer might as well have been in another language. Deciding not to query further, Kale’s sputtering mind attempted another salvo. “Alright then, nice to know where to come’n visit you sometime, once everything’s right and settled, but I don’t think we’ve yet been properly introduced. Who exactly are you?”

Once again, the response came almost before the last word left his mouth. “My classification is Project Virtual Genesis, my individual designation is Version Beta, or simply, ‘Beta’.”

“Right,” Kale replied to the air, nodding the affirmative to the gibberish. As near as he could puzzle out, this... person... was some sort of scientific hermit run amok. Or perhaps simply insane, though the two options might not be so different. “And per’aps you could be so good as to tell me, Version Beta, how I might be gettin’ out of here?” He almost didn’t dare to hope, yet if there were any kind of chance...

“Egress from the interface is not permissible to users,” the voice said sternly, after a marginally longer period. “Administrator permission is required for data extraction and transfer.”

Kale shrugged. It had been worth a shot.

“However,” the voice continued, surprising Kale, as it had seemed to have already answered his question. “Project Virtual Genesis contains hidden protocols allowing manipulation and re-routing within the system of the interface. Version Alpha’s termination resulted from instability within these protocols, which were patched in update edition 1.65, release date seven, sixteen, thirty-four. Version Beta is purported to contain no registry instabilities, and supports complete internal control of the interface, regardless of administrator restrictions.”

Had that been a note of pride in the voice? Yes, Kale decided, it surely had been. Yet, why would-

“So, you’re tellin’ me that you can do whatever you want here, is that it?” Kale asked, a quiet thrill running down his back. Maybe he couldn’t get out, but what if this Version Beta thing could help him in some other way?

“The variables of the interface are in my capacity to alter, excluding negative or irrational input values.”

“Don’t suppose you could arrange for a little light, then?” Kale asked, raising a craggy brow at where he assumed the voice to be coming from. Of course, it was equally likely for it to be coming from behind him, but he might as well put up a front of civility to his host.

“Recalibrating luminary values,” Version Beta replied, a newly cheerful note to the formerly flat and mostly emotionless speech. Abruptly, the pall of gloom faded, a far away glow slowly brightening into a comfortable level of illumination, a bit like the moments just before the sun crested the horizon.

“Beautiful. Thanks, darlin’,” Kale said with a grin, happy to at least regain a semblance of normalcy again, even though all it truly accomplished was to turn the black nothingness to white nothingness. Hell, I’d even go for that blasted marsh right about now, if it-

Even as the thought crossed his mind, the landscape began to warp and shift, the blank slate beneath him trembling as if it were caught in a tremor, the vibrations circulating all the way up through the unformed expanse, as though the very ‘sky’ would split open.

“No, no!” he cried hurriedly, as the ground darkened and shifted, a sudden squelch! accompanying the sensation of sinking into a mire far more potent than the shapeless pudding he’d initially encountered here. Low, dense, thorny bushes rose like wraiths from the islands of grass, more gnarled and viciously constructed than those stumpy trees with the whip-like branches... Even that all-too-familiar, unholy stench was wafting into his recessed nostrils, bringing the unpleasant memories flooding to mind, of all the horrible hours Alex had dragged him through that... filth. And for what? All the sensible ‘mons of the type they’d been seeking had already vacated the area, and they’d come away with nothing more than a cheap souvenir pin to show for the excursion.

Blessedly, his cry halted the metamorphosis before it completed, the hated swamp sinking away into formless white once again. “The specified settings are in error?” Version Beta’s ghostly voice said, a distinct note of surprise undercutting the question. “Diagnostics report no corruption in amalgamated data-dump of the user designated as Kale. Running systems check on virtual node BIOS filters...”

“Ah... don’t worry yourself about all that,” Kale said, regaining at least some of his composure, firmly squashing a more acerbic reply.  He wasn’t sure what a ‘virtual node’ was, but it sounded uncomfortable... and a little invasive. Not to mention, what right did she have to call him a ‘data-dump’, anyhow? Seemed rather rude for a first meeting.

“Version Beta retains semi-administrative rights,” the voice replied, sounding a little distracted, though Kale couldn’t quite place what quality it was that gave him that impression. “All user statuses are equal, and cannot be altered without risk of system instability. Amalgamated data is designated as ‘read only’, requiring administrator permission to change storage location. Data tethering is supported, if the user designates itself as an exposed host. Systems check reports all values normal.”

Kale blinked, thrown by the abrupt change of subject, before his mind caught up to the statement and made the connection. Blast it, what were ya doing in there? he wondered, suddenly aware of an oddly rifled feeling. As if his mind had been unceremoniously upended, the scattered contents scrupulously examined, then everything put back in a far too tidy fashion. How was he supposed to think properly when everything was all... organized?!

“Ya know, where I come from, pryin’ into other people’s business is a tad impolite,” Kale said, summoning the most severe tone he could muster. “Even ‘mongst friends, it’s usually nice to... you know, ask.”

Version Beta sounded vaguely amused. Kale could almost hear the wry smirk behind the words, lending the first true bit of personality to the disembodied voice. “User account information settings are currently set as ‘public domain’. Change to ‘private’?”

“If you’d be so kind,” Kale grumbled, though the damage had already been perpetrated.

“Custom settings in place, save preferences?” Once again, the faceless ‘mon sounded cheerful, as if she were immensely pleased to have performed... whatever service it had been. Kale wasn’t sure which was worse. The hidden smirk? Or that unsettling chirpiness, so out of place in this blank environ.      

Nah, better if she’s not laughin’ at me, I s’pose. He shot a surreptitious glance in the direction he assumed Version Beta to be speaking from. Now, did she hear that too? He waited for a moment, alert for any sign of movement.  

“Version Beta?”

“Yes?” Kale nearly jumped, for the third time in as many minutes. Scour his hide, it sounded like she was right behind him! Yet, whirling around brought nothing but more white emptiness. Kale scowled. He could almost feel her eyes upon him... Green, maybe, a brilliant jade that you could lose yourself in. No, on second thought, blue. Azure blue with a mischievous twinkle. Yes, that would suit her.  

“What is your query?”

“Um...” That more or less answered his question right then and there, actually, but now he needed to play along. “What colour are yer eyes?” Inwardly, Kale groaned, even as his mouth formed the words. Of course, when all else fails, just throw out whatever wayward thought happens to cross your mind. How often had Taro teased him about that?

Unsurprisingly, Version Beta sounded a touch taken aback. “This is a non-standard query... but one I am capable of answering. My ocular functionaries are pigmented at 000000, with shift allowance for values up to 000066.”

And my mother was a pidgey, Kale thought acidly, rolling his eyes. It seemed as if none of Version Beta’s ‘answers’ would tell him much.

“So, what exactly does one do for fun ‘round these parts, anyhow? What’s this, ‘interface’ place all about?” Kale asked aloud, gesturing expansively. From the looks of things, he had all the time in the world, no need to rush about. Not when there was a chance he could figure this mess out.  

“The interface is patented to administrator BILL, patent number A6-788490, copyright date two, fourteen, twenty-six, for the purpose of trans-cellular mononucleic data conversion and matter compression.” Version Beta paused, as if drawing breath to launch into a long, even more complex explanation, but Kale hastily interjected.  

“Okay, okay, no need to go all jibber-jabber on me. Just give it to me straight. What am I doin’ in here?”

A pregnant silence ensued, a transient twitch passing through Kale’s jaw. C’mon... You were ready enough to chat about all that other stuff. Not that he’d learned much, but for the moment he had to assume the mystery creature was, at the very least, speaking the truth. What would Version Beta possibly have to gain by lying to him?    

“The physical matter of the being designated as ‘Kale’, has been subjected to mononucleic data conversion, and subsequently stored in serial-bus hub 8817301, integration date eight, twenty-three, thirty-nine. Your current metaphysical location is a closed host segment of compartmentalized server/hard disk space.”

Kale bravely attempted to puzzle out the mire he’d just been fed. “So, you’re sayin’ that I’ve been bundled up and locked away somewhere, on this great big, ‘innerface’, thingy. Is that it?”

Version Beta’s voice sounded a touch offended. “These terms do not adequately describe, but the bare essence is expressed.”  

Kale offered a marginally sympathetic nod, a flare of elation swelling inside him at having at last picked out a piece of the puzzle. “From the sounds of it, this place’d have to be pretty big. Surely you and I ain’t the only ones in here, are we?”

“The interface construct currently carries three thousand, one hundred thirty-two registered users, and two thousand, three hundred and forty registered administrators.  These users are distributed over 34,000 logical nodes, and the system is currently at 2.3% capacity. Optimal levels require 1.8% CPU, 2.2% GPU, with peaks as high as 2.1% and 3.5%, respectively.”

Version Beta seemed a bit skeptical of the numbers, as if they were either far more or far less than she thought they should be. Lacking any sort of visual aid, Kale couldn’t discern which one it was.

“So then, where is everybody?” Kale waved at the blank landscape, jabbing an accusatory finger towards the far horizon. In some ways, it was almost worse when everything was lit up. Now he could see the emptiness, rather than simply imagining it. “Don’t tell me it’s all so bloomin’ big, that I’m stuck in the middle of bloody nowhere...”  

There was a slight pause, though this time, Kale could have sworn there was a slight catch in Version Beta’s tone, as if she were giving away information she wasn’t meant to. “Data tethering is currently inactive,” she said, sounding like she was choosing each word with great care. “User settings must be changed to ‘exposed host’ before tethering sequence can be initiated with other available users.” Another pause, longer, as if she were debating whether to stop there or continue. Kale held his tongue, silently urging her on. Surely she wouldn’t leave him hanging like this, would she? He needed all the info he could scrape together if he wasn’t going to slip into stir-craziness here!

After what seemed hours, she finally added, “One of the registered users within your host hub is currently set to ‘available’, and is therefore open to tethering options, should you wish to alter your user settings. The display name is set to, ‘Shell Yeah’, with no status message.” Version Beta sounded as if she were holding something filthy at arm’s length when she spoke the name, a distinct note of disgust marking her words, but Kale felt as if he’d been struck by lightning. No pain, but a delightful, crawling tingle of warmth all the way down his spine.

It can’t be, can it?! No way... No way at all!       

Barely able to contain his growing excitement, he asked, “This user doesn’t, perchance, have another name, does he?” If his species were able to sweat, he was certain he would likely have been pouring buckets right about now. As it was, only a slight tremble marked his inner turmoil, his fingers slowly curling and uncurling into tight fists. It couldn’t be... but what if it was?

“Private user data is not typically granted to non-administrative users, but your amalgamated data-dump indicated that a protocol bypass is perhaps permissible,” Version Beta intoned blandly. She sounded more like she were discussing the latest in drinking water flavours rather than doing him a favour. If, in fact, that’s what she was doing. It was difficult to say. He had the notion that she wasn’t the type to grant what she’d see as a ‘favour’ easily.

‘Maybe it weren’t so bad that she was crawling about in my noggin,’ he thought, a wry grin creeping onto his face. Almost immediately, he smoothed the gesture down to frown in her general direction. She certainly did like to drag things out too. “Well?” he started, glaring balefully. “Out with-”

“Registered user name is ‘Taro’, physical matter storage location; serial-bus hub 8817301.  Integration date seven, nineteen, thirty-nine. Change settings to permit tethering?” A faint sigh seemed to heel the words, though Kale thought that may have just been his imagination. A brilliant, rising joy quickly blotted out any curiosity about Version Beta’s thoughts on the matter. If she didn’t like it, tough diggings!

He’s not dead, he’s here, he’s alive... WE’RE alive! Well, sort of, at least, but he’s here! His thoughts cascaded with all the force of a landslide, a firestorm of emotions scouring his innermost being. Relief, incredulity, subdued pain of the healing wound, overwhelming exultation, a touch of anger --he didn’t know what about, but there it was. Maybe more at himself, for giving up on Taro, though in hindsight, he truly didn’t know what else he could have thought. Some cockamamie fancy machine setup certainly wouldn’t have been his first guess!

It felt as if a whirlwind had joined the landslide inside him, and at the same time, someone had cracked him open and let the sunlight into all the dark places that had been piling up over the past month. Taro, his closest comrade, his co-conspirator, his... well... everything, alive, present! Kale’s vocabulary didn’t contain the words to express, even to himself, his own gratitude. Yes, even to the faceless Version Beta.

Heck, I’d probably even wrap her up in a hug, if I had the chance right now, games or no. It seemed the very least he could do. Then again, who was to say that his unknown, reluctant benefactor even had a huggable form, or that she wouldn’t take offence to the gesture? In his experience, not all ‘mons appreciated the sentiments...

“Initiate tethering sequence with user ‘Taro’?” the emotionless voice asked, once more pulling any vestige of passion from her words. Kale opted to ignore the studiously bland tone, for the moment.

“Darn tootin’!” he exclaimed cheerily, rolling to his feet and giving an exuberant salute. “If it wouldn’t be too much trouble, of course.”

“Tethering procedure involves altering host settings from ‘private’ to ‘exposed’, in order to bypass compartmentalizing firewalls. Estimated completion time, one minute.”

“Much obliged,” Kale replied with a nod, crossing his arms as he awaited... whatever it was... to happen. Tentatively, he mulled over the odd shift in Version Beta’s reactions. It was clear she was willing to help, to a degree, but why should she be so reluctant to reunite the two of them? As far as he could gather, she’d looked into the furthest hidden reaches of his memories -distilled his very essence, somehow- in mere seconds. She would know exactly how important this was for him, how prevalent Taro had been in his life. Wouldn’t she? Then why...

“Ah, Beta?” he called, hoping he wasn’t interrupting a vital part of the ‘tethering’. Though, time seemed to have little meaning here in the good ol’ interface, so chances were he wouldn’t notice an extra minute or two.  

“Yes?” She sounded distracted again. Performing two invisible tasks at once?

“It may just be somethin’ in the air here, but I get the distinct notion that you’n Taro’ve had a run-in before. That true?”

A long silence followed his question, stretching on into the formless surroundings. Funny, how he’d grown so used to his unseen conversation partner’s voice already, that its absence made the ensuing lack of noise so much more profound. It almost made him want to keep speaking, hum, sing, something, just to fill the void. Absently, his hands ran down his craggy sides in a sweeping motion, clearing away any loose pebbles that may have lodged there. He ceased the action the moment he realized what he was doing, mentally kicking himself. Bad habit, m’boy, what would Taro say? Still, it wasn’t as if there were any others of his species around to comment on the bad manners.

Just as he was about to ask her again, Beta’s reply rang out in the silence. “The user designated as ‘Taro’ has lodged numerous instances within the interface. This information is only accessible with administrator privileges. Tethering sequence complete.”  

The clipped words came along with a sharp jolt in the pit of Kale’s stomach, as if a giant, ghostly hand had gripped his insides and given a sharp tug. He yelped involuntarily, though there hadn’t been any real pain, more like an abrupt shock applied directly to his nerves. Before he had a chance to comment on the manhandling, his surroundings appeared to... disintegrate. Quite unsettling, when there weren’t any physical objects to vanish in the first place. Almost as if reality itself were deconstructing before his very eyes, drifting away as wisps of smoke. His perception shifted, a curious feeling of motion and heat, like the sun on his back. Only, he wasn’t the one moving, but everything around him was reforming, vague shapes rising out of the whiteness, as if they were covered by a massive sheet.

“Tethering successful,” chimed the voice in his ear, once more sounding as if she were on his shoulder. Kale couldn’t summon the concentration to respond. In front of him, the whiteness had begun to clear, like an invisible film over his eyes were being peeled back, and sunlight streamed over his head, highlighting a familiar form...

“About bloody time,” growled another voice, though the irritation was underscored by a distinct note of warmth. “Had an alert set up for if you’d ever managed to get yourself landed in here. Took you long enough to open yourself up to me!”

“I missed you too,” Kale choked out, stumbling forward as his vision cleared, only to blur once more with something that was definitely not tears. A quick swipe at his eyes dealt with that minor annoyance. “Still as chock full ‘o sunshine and cheer as always, I see.”

Before him lay simultaneously the most bizarre and beautiful sight he had ever seen. What appeared to be mid-afternoon sunlight poured liquid gold through a massive window, four towering stone walls giving a definite impression of being indoors, yet beneath his feet, lush grass carpeted the entire room. The natural light glimmered off of a polished set of gleaming chitinous plates, clicking faintly as their owner relaxed onto a long, plush, royal purple piece of human furniture, bedecked with a plethora of frilled cushions.  

Taro idly snapped a claw in Kale’s direction, a gesture that would have seemed warding, to any that didn’t know him, but instead emulated a human custom the crawdaunt had latched onto. Wordlessly, Kale crossed the intervening space, feeling almost as if he were floating rather than walking, and bumped a closed fist against the extended claw. Mischief glinted in Taro’s eyes, tempered by a hint of concern. “You know me,” he said, nodding, acting for all the world like they had merely been apart for a single night. “The eternal optimist, right?”

“Sure,” Kale snorted, “And I’ve got the league championship right ‘ere behind my back. C’mere, ya bloody great lobster!” Fiercely, he threw his arms as far as he could around Taro’s upper body, the heavy plates rattling against his chest as the two pulled tight, a protective claw wrapping around Kale’s back.

“Easy now,” Taro murmured, though his own grip echoed the ferocity of Kale’s own. “People might stare.”

“Let ‘em.”

“That’s the spirit.” Taro snickered, the claw tapping Kale’s shoulder reassuringly. For the moment, nothing else mattered.  

For Kale, it seemed far too short a time when Taro began to pull away, yet with no small reluctance, he allowed his friend to lessen the contact, the crustacean settling back on his brilliantly hued chaise lounge with a sigh. Kale felt as if his grin would split him in two as his eyes roved. Everything was exactly as he’d remembered, down to the tiny scars on Taro’s armoured plates, and that slightly off-kilter slant to his star-shaped crest. It made him look as if he were perpetually winking from his right eye --not so inaccurate, given his arid sense of humour.

Kale started to speak, but Taro held up a claw, forestalling him. “Before you ask, no, we aren’t dead. Just in case you hadn’t already guessed that bit. And no, this time, it’s not my fault we’re in here.”

“I’d managed to gather, yes,” Kale said dryly, slipping an arm over Taro’s claw as he hopped up beside him, sinking into the overstuffed cushion. Much improved over the form-fitting gunk of earlier. “A certain, rather helpful sort calling herself Version Beta gave me the pieces.”

“Surprise surprise,” Taro replied, shifting aside to make more room, curling the claw around Kale’s back in the process. Neither had any complaints about the proximity. “I suppose she’s the one who shifted your arse to get here too, right?”

“More or less. I’d been shufflin’ around in the dark for Groudon knows how long before she decided to speak up, but I’m sure glad she did. I’d still be out there in that ‘interface’ thingy, if she hadn’t hooked me up.” Kale flashed a heartfelt grin at his companion, content to settle more against his sturdy form than the welcoming softness of the chair. It was a far better fit, anyhow.

“Oh, we’re still in the interface,” Taro said casually, waving his free claw at their surroundings. “Like my personal settings? I’ve always enjoyed combining the best of both worlds...”

“It’s right charmin’, naturally, but, Shell Yeah? Really?” Kale said with a chuckle.

“Hush, you’re just jealous,” Taro shot back. “Had to make sure you’d know who it was, didn’t I? I couldn’t count on ‘good old Beta’, telling you.”

Kale half expected the ethereal voice to speak up at that particular comment, but strangely, nothing happened. “Why not?” he asked. “She seemed a friendly enough sort to me. And why couldn’t ya just put your real name in there somewhere? Or would that’ve made it a lil’ too obvious?” Perhaps there had been more sarcasm in his tone than he’d intended, but Kale couldn’t help himself. If Taro knew his way around so well, why wait for him to figure things out at all? Why not simply end his isolation the moment he’d been dropped down here?

Taro heaved a gentle sigh, patting Kale’s shoulder with a hollow clack. “Trust me, I would’ve if I could. The interface has some strange rules though, and it only lets you break them so far, before things start going haywire. Check this out.”

Kale emitted a choked sound, his eyes bulging at the abrupt shift in scenery. There hadn’t been any sense of motion, no warning or indication of change. The couch they sat upon was still there, but everything else...

Virulent green waves lapped at a bone-white sandy expanse of sand, a soft breeze stirring the long grasses that waved at the top of the dunes. Crimson streaks painted the sky with broad strokes, the subdued orange sun sliding languidly below the far-away line of the horizon.

Only, the waves were above them.

Kale pressed back into the anchoring grip of Taro’s claws, pulling his feet up and away from the looming precipice. Their seat floated in thin air, a minuscule square of safety over the endless abyss of the sunset sky. Why aren’t we gettin’ wet? Kale thought, distracted. That ocean oughta be droppin’ on our heads right about now. That concern however, was a fleeting one, in the light of the much more pressing threat of dropping away into oblivion.

“See what I mean?” Taro didn’t sound the least bit disturbed by the danger. “It’s funky, but changing too many aspects at once always messes up something important. Something to do with a ‘lack of itchable graphics’, according to good ‘ol Beta. It’s all visuals though, so no need to get so uptight.” Reaching out with his tail, he tapped the air beneath the couch, a firm knocking sound ringing out over the constant swoosh of the abnormally coloured waves. “The ‘real’ ground is still there, it’s simply been made to look like sky by a glitch in my settings.”

“I... see,” Kale replied slowly, though the statement was far from truth. “Ah, any chance we can get that charmin’ room of yours back?”

“Not too fond of heights, eh?” Taro chuckled. “I’ll do you one better.” He paused, apparently concentrating, and suddenly, the ground-turned-sky was once more ground, and their comfortable sofa vanished. Kale yelped as he was deposited unceremoniously onto his backside with a muted thump, crushing a patch of springy grass. A grumbled curse from beside him indicated a similar fate dealt to his crawdaunt companion.

“Forgot somethin’, did ya?” Kale said, looking over and nudging his friend playfully.

“Pah. Forget to adjust by a couple inches ONE time, and you hear about it for life,” Taro growled. “But, look around. You remember this place, right?”

Kale got to his feet, taking in their new surroundings with a mix of wonder and incredulity. “Do I remember? Heck, how could I bloomin’ forget?” Warmth crept up his body like a sunrise, as memory came flooding back. “It’d be a sin to forget what we got up to in this place, after we figured out we were meant for one-another.” As far as his eye could see, waving fronds of grass stretched out, their curled tips nearly reaching up to his chin. Here and there, splotches of purple, blue, and white broke the surface, the wildflowers filling the air with a soft perfume. The sunset was all that remained of their previous locale, spilling over the land like molten honey, lengthening the shadows of the endless grass stalks.      

“Glad you like it, sweetheart,” Taro said. A soft rustle indicated his approach, a claw resting on Kale’s shoulder. “I wanted you to know that I hadn’t forgotten either.”

The half-chuckle in his voice was infectious, turning to a grin on Kale’s face as he turned towards his friend. “Ya big sap. I always knew there was a true romantic heart beatin’ under that crusty chest of yours.”

Taro made a shushing gesture with a claw. “Hey, don’t go starting rumors. I have a reputation to keep.”

Feeling spontaneously giddy, Kale threw his arms around the taller ‘mon, leaning against his armored body with a clack. “Wouldn’t dream of it,” he said into Taro’s shoulderplate. “You’d start goin’ all cranky on me, and then where’d I be? You might even spout some ‘o that gobbledy-gook and shift my arse back out into the interface.”

A muffled, gurgling snort from the crustacean indicated his thoughts on the matter. “As if. I’ve been hoping for the chance to yank your bumpy hide in here with me ever since I wound up here.” Taro’s left claw slid slowly down Kale’s back as the crawdaunt lowered to a more relaxed position on his belly in the grass, taking Kale with him. “There isn’t much to do for fun in the interface, and the novelty of playing with the settings wears off bloody fast. Hell, I’d be happy for Alex to pull me up, and give me the chance to smack around some cocky fire types or something, just to blow off steam. But, now that you’re here...”

Letting go of his friend briefly, Kale shifted around, sitting with his back against Taro’s chest, pulling the water-type’s claw into his lap and stroking it slowly, grateful for the opportunity to experience this once more. “Now that I’m here?” he prompted. He felt he knew the answer already, but he wanted to hear it from Taro.

There was a short pause, during which Taro’s other claw came to join the first in Kale’s lap, before he answered the question with one of his own. “Do you recall what you said, when we were in the real version of this field?”

Kale blinked, pausing in his polishing of his friend’s claws as he thought back. They had both said a lot of things that day, but...

“I said I’d be happy to stay here forever, s’long as I could do it with you.”

“Give the ‘mon a prize.” Taro awarded him a friendly tap on the chest, the satisfaction evident in his voice. “Well, now that we’re both here, there’s nothing to stop us from doing exactly that. Or, anywhere else we want to create together. Nobody can prevent us from doing what we want, here. Well, unless the kid decides to yank us out again, but something tells me that’s unlikely.”

Kale frowned. “Ya mentioned that before. What makes ya think that he can, or would? Arceus, I thought you were dead, Taro!” His fingers clenched on the claw before him, a shiver running down his spine as the memory of that first day of his friend’s absence returned full force. “And I still don’t really know what this place is. In fact, how’re ya so sure we ain’t dead? It ain’t like we were terrible ‘mon, or anything like that. Maybe we both just bit the dust, and... and...” he trailed off, the emotion of his time spent alone hitting him full force, the water that certainly was not tears threatening to spill out of his eyes again. He wiped them away as surreptitiously as possible. No need for Taro to see that.

“No, it isn’t like that, trust me.” Taro’s voice had softened, and the twin claws tightened around Kale’s middle, pulling him close.

 

“I do, y’know I do, but...” Kale gestured around them, attempting to convey the concept that he couldn’t put into words.

A gurgling sigh came from behind him. “Okay, I suppose some explanation is in order,” Taro said. “See, it took me awhile to figure it out, but, this place is a sort of like a huge pokéball for ‘mons that trainers don’t want anymore, but don’t want to let loose.” The sharp inner edges of his powerful claws scissored together in an angry snick!

“I reckon the interface is where they put all of us has-beens,” Taro continued, an audible sneer in his voice. “Once someone newer, flashier, stronger comes along and joins the team, it’s bye-bye into the interface for loyal old Taro and Kale.”

Kale frowned as he pictured Vance -the acrobatic kabutops who had taken Taro’s place on Alex’s team. The ‘mon had moves, he’d grant that, but he didn’t possess half the character that Taro did!

“No need to worry about us in here,” Taro was saying. “All of our needs are taken care of, and if he ever decides he wants to pull us out and dust us off, we’ll be good as new, just as he left us.” Kale felt him shift, and glanced up to see what he recognized as Taro’s version of a shrug. “Not like that’ll happen anytime soon. We’re done. Obsolete. Washed-up. We’re in retirement, bucko, and we get to enjoy it for as long as we like.”    

“What about, y’know, food and such?” Kale asked. “Are we all on our own? Or is someone gonna hook us up with grub on the regular?’

Taro chuckled. “Are you hungry?”

“Well... no, I guess not.”

“Exactly.”

Kale blinked, unsure what to make of that. “‘Fraid I don’t exactly follow.”

The air in front of him shimmered, and Kale almost jumped as an aspear berry bush sprouted instantly before his eyes. The fruit hung heavy on the branches, perfectly ripe, and looking to be a decidedly juicy delight. Acting on reflex, he reached out and plucked one, the bright yellow berry sliding easily from its stalk.

“Go on, try it,” Taro encouraged. Opting not to ask more questions at this point, Kale popped the berry into his mouth. Immediately, the familiar, lip-smacking zip of aspear juice exploded over his tongue, more potent than any berry he’d ever tasted in the real world. He nearly gasped at the intense rush of sour jangling over his taste-buds, and gulped the treat down eagerly.

“Got a bit of a kick to it. You oughta try. Good for puttin’ a spring in yer step.” Grinning, he pulled another of the magically appearing fruits from the bush, holding it up to Taro like an offering to a deity.

“No thanks. I prefer my insides un-shrivelled.” Taro shot back. “Personally, I don’t bloody know how you stand those things. Even the normal ones almost make my shell fall off, and I turned these ones up a few notches, just for you.”  

Kale snickered, elbowing his friend, and happily crunching down the second berry. “In that case, I better start slippin’ these in with those nasty rawst berries yer so attached to. Havin’ yer shell poppin’ off every time would be mighty convenient...”

“...And would ruin all the fun,” Taro said lightly, rapping his shoulder with a claw. “Knowing you, I’d never get to eat. I’d be molested on the first bite every time.”

Kale patted his belly, which, despite having consumed two large samples of exceptionally sour fruit, felt no more full or empty than it had previously. “I thought yer point was that we don’t have to worry ‘bout eatin’ in here?” The easy banter was slowly draining the tension away from him, leaving a feeling of blissful contentment in its place. Wiping the juice from his hands, he once more took hold of Taro’s proffered claw, stroking the burnished red surface. This on its own was something he had missed - simply being able to touch his companion, feel the reassurance of his powerful limbs, the steadiness of his form pressed against Kale’s own.

“Well, no, we don’t, but we can if we want to. As I said -it’s like a pokéball.” Taro leaned close, voice lowered, his cool breath whispering across Kale’s craggy skin. “And, we’re in here together, alone, with no interruptions or distractions, and infinite possibilities. Rather exciting, isn’t it? Benefits of retired life, you might say.”      

Kale felt a shiver run up his spine at the implication. “Why, you soggy ol’ rascal you... I’m almost thinkin’ you planned this whole deal out!”

“Nope, but it certainly worked out bloody well for us.”

“No kiddin’.” Pulling the large claw to his lips, Kale planted a kiss on the smooth surface. “When I twigged to the notion that you were in here with me, I was on it like a horny tauros on a miltank.”

“Charming metaphor.”

“Anytime, darlin’.”

The pair lapsed into silence, at ease simply enjoying one-another’s presence. Kale reclined against Taro’s chest, watching the slowly sinking sun, appreciating the subtle hints of purple at the upper edges of the darkening sky, the first twinkling stars beginning to poke their heads out. Taro’s forelimbs cinched comfortably around him, making a protective circle he could happily stay within for hours -and had indeed done so in the past.

Taro had always been the stronger one -the protector, the provider. He took no guff from anybody, and Arceus help anyone who thought to threaten Kale. Yet, despite all the rough edges of Taro’s personality, Kale always saw the softer areas within, rounding out the crustacean into the soul-mate any ‘mon should be honored to call theirs. How could anyone not see the value in someone like Taro? Has-beens indeed...

And to top it all off, he’s the cutest, subbiest ‘mon ever to wear a shell. Kale felt the grin spreading wanton across his face. And I’’ve got ‘im all to meself.

There was time for that later, however. Plenty of time, from what he understood. This, simply being with Taro, was what he had missed most of all. Only one niggling fact remained.

“So, what’s the deal with you’n that Beta gal?” Kale asked, breaking the silence, as he was unable to contain his curiosity on the subject any longer. “You two have a fallin’ out or summat?”

He shrugged. “She doesn’t approve my taste in males.”

“Really?”

Taro gave a disparaging huff. “No, of course that’s not it. I doubt she cares about us being together.”

Suspicion tugged at Kale, the offhandedness of Taro’s tone ringing a warning bell in his mind. “This ain’t like that time ya asked that snorlax when the eggs were due, I hope...?”

The crawdaunt chuckled. “No, not exactly. And that was an easy mistake to make.”

“That snorlax was male!”

“Sure, and that’s easily confused with one of them, and how was I to know they could run that fast either?” He rapped Kale on the knee, which did little to dispel the ghostly ache that sprang up in Kale’s backside at the memory. “I’ve had plenty of time to think about it, and I figure she’s just annoyed that I have an idea of what I’m doing in here now, and she doesn’t get to control my settings.” A distinct note of pride had entered Taro’s tone now, though Kale wasn’t certain if it was for the accomplishment itself, or his apparent upstaging of Version Beta.

“I dunno, she seemed like a nice enough gal... maybe a bit of a cold one,” Kale said uncertainly. Once again, he felt Taro shrug in indifference.

“Nice has nothing to do with it. She’s not like us, Kale. She’s part of the interface, in a way, and as near as I can tell, the only thing she enjoys is manipulating it. But...” He paused, and Kale heard the soft burble of his chuckle edging back into his voice. “The catch of her having all that control, is she has no choice but to obey the whims of the users, to an extent.”

Uh-oh... Kale thought, wincing. Aloud, he said, “Taro, darlin, you sure you didn’t kick over the beedrill’s nest here?”

“She started it,” Taro replied, a stubborn streak invading his tone that Kale knew all too well.    

Kale groaned, pulling away a bit and twisting around to face his friend, doing his best to look severe. “Taro... Can’t ya take a break from gettin’ the one ‘mon around who can maybe hand our arses to us all riled up? What if she decides to take exception to us bein’ all cuddly together?”

Taro waved a claw, dismissing the notion. “I can bloody well handle her, don’t you worry your craggy head about it. Besides, all I did was make her show herself. I was going to force her to turn pink too, but turns out she already is.” He gave Kale a crooked smile. “See? Nothing to crack a shell over.”

Shaking his head in disbelief, Kale opted to let the issue drop. Why bother arguing over something Taro would never change his mind about? Not to mention, he wouldn’t be Taro without his extraordinary knack for finding trouble. “So then,” he said, looking to change the subject. “Don’t suppose you’ve got any plans for the evenin’, handsome?” He adopted a roguish grin, his eyes sliding over Taro’s form in the gleam of the rising moon, the silver light reflecting off the armored plates of his sturdy body. After all, it had been awhile, and why keep to talking about unpleasantries when they could be making up for the lost time?

“Depends...” Taro took the cue perfectly, winking at Kale and dropping his voice to more of a purr. “I might have a few things in mind, if you’re up for it, stud...” He beckoned with a claw, his own gaze beginning to explore Taro in a significantly less innocent manner.

Arceus, he does look right fine... Kale felt himself growing warm, the complement stirring the desire that had lain dormant for so long during their forced separation. He knew he shouldn’t feel self-conscious around Taro, but he couldn’t curb the urge to brush away the loose pebbles from his chest as he approached the seductive lobster. He licked his lips, attempting to chase away the dryness that had suddenly sprung up in his mouth as he took Taro’s claw in his hands, pressing it to his chest.

“I’m all yours, darlin’. What’s tumblin’ around in that devious mind o’ yours?”

“Well...” Kale’s breath quickened as the claw roamed lower, sliding against the bulge of marginally softer rock between his legs, sending an electric bolt of pleasure up his spine. “I did mention that we’re in the land of possibilities, right?” Taro’s claw circled, giving just enough pressure to tease the tender parts beneath the rocky surface of Kale’s skin, making him shiver. His own hands found their way to Taro’s chest, exploring the pebbled texture of the water type’s plates.

“Ya mentioned somethin’ of the sort,” Kale mumbled, his hips jerking of their own accord into the magical touch of that claw.

“Indeed,” Taro said with a soft laugh. “Do you think you’re up for something kinky tonight?”

Kale groaned, increasingly distracted by the tingling delight Taro was administering, the crawdaunt’s expert manipulation of Kale’s erogenous regions leaving him completely in his friend’s power. Of course, he wasn’t about to complain about being there.

“Sure... am,” he managed, closing his eyes in bliss as Taro pressed a bit more firmly, making a soft squelch sound, fluid dribbling freely down Kale’s thighs as his arousal grew. He panted, anticipating the following steady push, edging him higher and higher until he fell into that awaiting pool of ecstatic release, coating Taro’s claw with the evidence of his pleasure, and collapsing limply into the crawdaunt’s steady embrace.

Suddenly, the pressure vanished, leaving Kale shuddering on the brink, aching for that release, but only to have it snatched away. He opened his eyes, wondering, and found the lovely sight of Taro stretched out on his side, presenting his underbelly and giving Kale a positively sultry look that seemed to say, ‘come and get me’. He found he was of a mind to take that invitation.

“Well? Are you going to stand there all night with that goofy grin on your face?” Taro prodded, a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

“Naw, I’m gonna head back out into the innerface and hook up with Version Beta.” Kale said, approaching his friend eagerly. “C’mere, ya sexy crustacean.”

“Interface,” Taro corrected calmly, as Kale clambered atop his midsection, grinding his crotch pointedly against the small indent in the water type’s protective plating, just south of his belly.

“Whatever.”

“Mmm, you haven’t lost your touch, have you?” His voice came out a touch short of breath as Kale found the spot he was searching for, the tiny entrance to the crawdaunt’s body fitting neatly to the curve of his own bulging lower region. “But, this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.”

Startled, but not so much as to cease the gentle rocking of his hips, Kale looked up. “Eh? Ya got something special planned?”

A shiver passed through Taro’s form as one of Kale’s protruding ridges slipped briefly inside, teasing the soft flesh hiding within. “Ah... Well, in a way, I suppose it is. But, we’re in the bloody land of possibility here, handsome. We’ve got options available like we never had before.”

“Such as...?” Kale’s eyes followed the path of his hands as he massaged Taro’s belly, enjoying the gentle scraping of rock against polished armor. He wasn’t sure he was in the mood to play guessing games. Not with the distraction of Taro’s gorgeous body laid out for him to avail himself of.

“Such as this.” Gently, but firmly, Taro pushed Kale back, until he was seated comfortably across Taro’s tail. “See, thing about being in the interface, is that it supports infinite user generated self-modification.” Kale blinked, watching in stunned fascination as without warning, the air around Taro’s vent shimmered, fuzzed, then solidified into a thick, erect, mottled pink pillar of flesh sprouting from his groin.

Taro let out a giggle as he watched Kale’s gaze travel down the length of the impressive shaft, taking in the flared tip, the heavy sheath around its base, and the newly exposed pucker of blushing skin beneath, the entire package replacing the familiar dimple in his friend’s underside.

“Like it?”

Hesitantly, Kale reached out and ran a finger along the shaft, a slow smile coming to his face as it twitched in response. It was so warm! Arceus, he’d be hard pressed to wrap both his hands around that fantastic piece of male pride! Aloud, he said, “Is that from what I think it is, darlin’?”      

Taro looked understandably pleased with himself. “If you’re thinking ‘rapidash’, then you’d be right. I’m pretty sure I got most of the features correct, though it may be a tad on the small side.”

“Clever bugger.” Kale felt like his face would split in two as he examined his friend’s new package, drawing a pleased gurgle from the crawdaunt as he massaged his way up to the flared head, appreciating the sensation of the hot, pulsing maleness straining in his grasp, like a wild beast waiting to be set free. Sticky fluid dribbled out as he reached the tip, running over his fingers and coating them with a delectably salty aroma. That part was unchanged - unmistakably Taro. He’d missed that smell.

“The rest of it is also yours to play with, once you give yourself the equipment for it,” Taro said in a husky tone, gesturing down at his reformed entrance. Dutifully, Kale transferred his attentions, taking one sticky finger and running it around the rim, once again marvelling at the difference in feel. This was a much softer hole than he was used to, and likely more sensitive, if Taro’s reflexive wiggle was any indication when his finger slipped ‘accidentally’ inside. But, the question was, how did he acquire the right ‘equipment’, and how big should it be?

As if hearing his thoughts, Taro said, “You only need to concentrate for a moment or two on changing your body. The interface does the rest. Pretty cool, huh?”

“You said it,” Kale murmured, closing his eyes and considering. He didn’t want to merely copy Taro’s feat. It would seem like a disservice to his friend, to not produce something unique all on his own. Not to mention, he wasn’t certain Taro would want something the size of Kale’s arm going into his rear. Yet, he couldn’t go too small either... How had that arcanine he’d once seen looked? He hadn’t had the best view of the two mating fire types, but he thought he could picture how the male’s shaft had appeared. That was certainly different, nicely sized, and shouldn’t be terribly hard to reproduce. It was tapered, and had that odd bulge at the base...

Opening his eyes, he met Taro’s skeptical look. “Ah heck, did I make it too big?”

“Well... no, not quite...” Taro said slowly. Kale followed his gaze down to his own crotch, frowning at what he saw.

“That ain’t how I pictured it.”

“What did you imagine?”

“Arcanine.”

“Oh... One that you met?”

“Sorta.”

“He made that much of an impression, did he?”

“Well, we never spoke...”

“Sure it wasn’t a growlithe?”

Kale felt himself growing warm. “Pretty dang sure. Maybe I should try again...” Taro would barely feel that tiny little thing. It was barely as long as his finger!

“Don’t be silly.” Taro let out a chuckle, clapping Kale on the shoulder. “It’s your first time, and if you really do start bumping yourself up to arcanine size while you’re in me, you might split me right open!” His voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper. “Besides, we both know that it’s what you do with it that counts... don’t we? Now, get up here and gimme all you’ve got, stud.”

Encouraged by both the compliment to his abilities and the quavering lust lingering in Taro’s voice, Kale wasted no time in scooting himself back into position, groaning in delight as his new tool slid against the significantly larger girth of Taro’s equine cock. It was if electric ecstasy flowed through the appendage with every little touch, the incredible sensitivity of his recently acquired penis making him shake with anticipation. The light scent of his own musk joined Taro’s thicker one, sweetening the air. Thin, runny pre spurted out from his tapered tip, mingling with the stream pouring down Taro’s length. Neither of them were going to get any more ready than this.

“Arceus, Taro, I love ya,”

“You too, sweetie.”

Reaching down, Kale grasped his twitching manhood, the small shaft vanishing inside his palm. Undeterred, he lined himself up, raising his hips to align the tapered head with Taro’s blushing opening. The entire world seemed to pause, waiting on their pleasure. Then, twin moans interrupted the whispering breeze, as Kale slipped gratefully down into the tight embrace of his lover’s warmth.

“Welcome home, dear,” Taro grunted, his claws resting on Kale’s shoulders as their hips met. “So glad you could make it.”

“Wouldnt’ve missed it for the whole bloomin’ world.” Every nerve in his body felt alive with new sensation, the pleasure he’d felt before now magnified to previously unseen heights. His hips moved entirely of their own accord, reflexively bucking into Taro, pulling free for a brief instant before plunging back inside that delightfully toasty, clenching tunnel. Every inch of his throbbing member tingled, treated to a sensuous massage by Taro’s rippling inner muscles. It felt as though the crawdaunt were already attempting to milk him dry, and it took all of Kale’s self-control not to pound away at full speed, until he’d reached that glorious climax he could already feel nudging its way towards him.

Soft squishing and slapping sounds filled the air as the two reaffirmed their affections for the first time in what felt to Kale like years. Yes, he thought, being ‘dead’ is well worth this. What was there for him outside this new home? There were friends, certainly, and adventures to be had. But, none of those would ever match the Taro shaped hole in his heart, which could only be filled by this wonderful, big-hearted hunk of a lobster before him.

And with that new thing of his, he might start fillin’ some other holes soon. Grinning at the thought, he wrapped his hands around the thick shaft in question, squeezing firmly around the tip even as he drove himself in to the hilt. He was rewarded with a gurgling moan, another generous spurt of sticky pre, and a squeeze around his berry-sized knot that made him shiver. Curious, he brought his wet fingers to his mouth, licking them clean.

Salty, and sticks to the back of yer mouth, but real satisfying. That was enough for him. He went straight for the source, wrapping his lips around as much of Taro’s flared head as he could reach. The crawdaunt jerked in surprise, shoving back into Kale’s stretched maw with a gasp, his claw making a sharp snap in the air. Kale nearly gagged as the extra inch forced its way in, but he suppressed the urge by sheer force of will, holding on resolutely and suckling away at the huge equine member. Disparate sizes be damned. He was going to pleasure that lobster if it was the last thing he did!

“Always so... full of surprises,” Taro murmured, his claw finding Kale’s head and patting it gently. “What’s it going to be next? Finding a way to spitroast me?”

Kale burbled a chuckle around his mouthful, finding his rhythm as he dutifully cleaned the tip with his tongue, collecting every drop of salty fluid he could find. This was definitely better than what they could normally do, and who knew what other ways they would discover to experiment? Even if the taste had repulsed him, the reaction he was getting with each lick and squeeze would have spurred him on, his friend’s ecstasy superseding even his own as he continued to enjoy the tight confines of Taro’s rear passage. What greater joy could there be than this, to give the one you loved such delight? Taro’s shaft was beginning to twitch fitfully beneath his fingers, the spurts of pre coming more frequently now. He would not let go, even when... well, whatever came next.

“Hon, this is real sweet of you,” Taro said, a note of desperation entering his tone. “But are you really sure you’re ready for this? Because if you keep squeezing me like that, I’m going to... to...”

Kale looked up, meeting Taro’s deep, dark eyes. He didn’t bother to speak, simply letting the grin around his mouthful do the talking as he stepped up his pace, driving himself hard into Taro’s clenching rear as he massaged the pulsing shaft. Nearly there...

“Don’t say I didn’t... warn you... Ah, bloody hell!”

This time, it was no gentle spurt. Impossibly, Taro’s tip flared out wider than before, holding the surprised graveler in place simply with the sheer girth trapped between his lips. A veritable flood gushed into Kale’s wide open mouth, filling the small space in an instant, and looking for a means of escape. There was little to be found. Somehow, Kale found the presence of mind to swallow, clearing the way for the rush of thick, salty cream, only for more to take its place.

And more.

And more still, until tiny warm streams escaped through Kale’s sealed lips, running like creamy waterfalls down his chin, mirroring the much greater amount that was making its way into his belly. He felt like he would burst at the seams from the sheer volume of the stuff, frantically swallowing so as not to accidentally inhale one of those mighty geysers. His eyes watered as he fought the urge to suck in air, but he didn’t try to suppress a happy shudder as he gulped down the delicious evidence of the pleasure he’d just given his lover.  

At last, after what felt like an age, the flow stemmed to a final trickle, ebbing down to an arythmic pulse. The flare softened slightly, allowing the exhausted graveler to pull back with a relieved gasp, a few extra streams of seed finding their way through the crags of his chin to drip down onto Taro’s belly.

“More than you bargained for?” Taro asked mildly, eyeing him with a supremely contented expression on his face.

“When aren’t ya more than I bargain for?” Kale quipped, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand and looking down to survey the damage. “Arceus, I look like I just got showered, don’t I?”

Taro shook his head. “Nah. If you did, you’d pass as a dead ringer for a glalie. Right now you just look like a graveler who bit off a bit more than he could chew.”

Kale sat back, patting his belly with a satisfied grunt. “Was worth it though. Nice and toasty, and served with a kick!” He fancied he could hear his belly slosh with the movement, and it felt like he held a glowing coal inside him, warming him from within. “Definitely gonna have to come back for seconds.”

“I agree,” Taro said, looking down. Kale followed his gaze to where his own, considerably smaller shaft had slipped free, leaving a small trail of white behind. Taro’s entrance looked decidedly moist, a thin dribble marking the evidence of what had happened.

“Oh, I got so caught up in yours, I guess I just popped, eh?”

Taro gave a pleased gurgle, tapping a claw on his abdomen in a manner that should not have been so suggestive from one of his species, yet somehow, he managed to make it so. “That you did, and no complaints from me!” He paused, looking thoughtful. “Although, maybe next time, we’ll work on that arcanine of yours. I’m curious to feel just how hot a fire type can get...”

“Sweet talker,” Kale said with a laugh, clambering up to nestle between his friend’s claws. He was rather surprised at how much the activity had taken out of him. Normally, the two of them could go for hours without taking a break if they wanted, but, he supposed with such an... impressive finish, males of other species would need a bit of a breather in between. “I’m just glad I didn’t go and lose it halfway through, eh?”

“Or turn it into a wailord’s,” Taro added lightly. Both of them had to laugh at the absurdity of that particular image. Several moments passed in companionable silence, the pair of them resting in each-other’s embrace, the sounds of night wrapping around them like a blanket. Kale felt his eyelids beginning to droop, lulled by both the soft swish of wind through the grass, and the gentle gurgles of Taro’s breath. Comforting sounds. The sounds of home.

Taro’s voice broke the silence. “You know, there is one other fun thing we could do tonight...”

Kale stirred, feeling the load in his stomach swilling about as he rolled to his side. “Do tell.”

The crawdaunt took his time responding, and for a moment, Kale wondered if he’d fallen asleep instead. Then, “Now that you’re here, we can try something I’ve been wanting to do for awhile. A way to have a little fun with good ol’ Version Beta. What do you say?”

A tiny shiver ran down Kale’s spine, a familiar feeling of dread gripping him. “Taro...”

“What?” He did such a good job of sounding wounded, Kale almost regretted his tone. Until the words he’d hoped not to hear followed. “It’ll be easy. She has to do as we say, remember? And, well, I figure she can provide a little welcoming entertainment for the celebration of our retirement...”

Kale groaned inwardly, the sleepiness beginning to fade. “Taro, darlin’, ya know I love ya, but this is sounding far too much like the time ya thought givin’ that sleeping typhlosion a ‘wake up call’ was a good plan.”

“It’s not my fault she was into all that weird stuff,” Taro grumbled. “And besides, it’s not like she was able to do much anyhow. This is completely different, I promise.”

Never heard that one before, Kale thought. He opened his mouth to object again, but it was too late. Taro was already calling out.

“Oh, Version Beta!”

A pregnant pause ensued. Even the breeze and the distantly chirruping insects stilled. It reminded Kale of the deep silence of the interface outside, even with the comforting presence of Taro beneath him. Finally, the response came, sounding as though the mysterious ‘mon had been waiting for the summons, but was not particularly pleased to have it come.

“What is your query?”

“Initiate mode: manual user-interaction, input location same as output,” Taro replied, a gleeful note in his voice that made Kale wince. This would not end well.

This time, the pause before the response was even longer than before, and when it came, Version Beta sounded resigned.

“Query received. Executing.”

A flash of light drew Kale’s eye, the long stalks of grass to their left shimmering and fuzzing into a different form. The spot was difficult to look at, as if the universe itself were attempting to keep it hidden from view. Kale blinked, eyes watering, attempting to clear the distortion from his vision. When he focused on the spot again, a strange creature stood there. Though, perhaps that wasn’t quite the word for something without legs, or in fact much in the way of discernible limbs.

What in Arceus’ name... Kale thought, staring at the newly revealed master of the interface. She was, as Taro had said, a delightful shade of pink, accented with a splashes of blue on what he assumed was her chest, her two odd flipper-like protrusions on the side of her squat body, her nose -muzzle...?- and the pointy, antenna-like tail that stuck up higher than her head. As far as Kale could see, she possessed no mouth, ears, or any other features beyond two very wide eyes set at odd angles on the sides of her head. She was, without a doubt, the strangest pokémon he had ever seen, made of all angles and flat surfaces that gleamed as if polished -if indeed she was a pokémon at all. For all he knew she could be some alien creature from another world, with abilities no one could truly understand.

“So glad you could join us,” Taro said cheerfully, breaking the expectant silence. “As moderator of the interface, it’s your duty to ensure the proper accommodation of all users. Correct?”

“This designation matches that of administrator command function 0041,” Beta responded. At least, that was how Kale interpreted the words, though they didn’t come from the kind of speech he was used to. That is to say, from any sort of mouth. As before, they seemed to come from everywhere at once, echoing through the world like the voice of the earth itself. The feeling of unease crawled slowly up his spine once more.

“Well, isn’t that just fine and dandy,” Taro was saying, gesturing grandly at the small ‘mon. “You can start by sucking my friend’s cock, and then we’ll move on from there.”

“Taro!” Kale hissed, desperately trying to stop this mad scheme before it went any further. His outer skin was beginning to itch, and whenever that happened...

“Unfamiliar designation,” Version Beta replied, her tone impossibly flat. “Searching for close match.” A brief pause, during which Kale felt like curling into a protective ball and rolling for it. “Match found. Execute user operated program 5778?”

“If you would be so kind as to drop the numerical gibberish, my dear,” Taro said, the very image of patient long-suffering, a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

“Taro!” Kale attempted again, tugging at his friend’s claw. The crawdaunt didn’t seem to hear, too focused on the pink curiosity before them.

“Program 5778: Creation date: four, twenty-two, thirty-six. Function: Sexual recreation of specific user. Method: Modification of host to suit individual needs. Runtime: Indefinite. System requirments-”

“Yes, yes, good enough,” Taro interrupted, waving a claw. “Run it, if you would be so kind.” Turning to Kale at last, he winked, nudging him playfully. “This is going to be great, just watch.”

“Query received. Executing...” The suddenly cheerful chirp in Version Beta’s voice made Kale shudder, his voice leaving him as he watched the tiny ‘mon’s form fuzz and distort once again. “Locking all user settings to current. Initiating phase adjustments. User process stop dialog disabled. Administrator overrides enabled. Host settings recalibrating...”

With each new command, the voice slowed and deepened, growing more resonant in pitch, until it sounded like thunder with every syllable. Before their eyes, the patch of fuzz that had been Version Beta grew, expanding with the words, quickly towering over the huddled pair of them. It seemed to crackle and fizz with subdued lightning, dominating the formerly peaceful landscape like a summer storm. The very air around them felt like it was charged with the force, pulling them towards that ever-expanding mass. As they watched, wide-eyed, the distortion began to solidify once more, taking physical shape, looming over them, its shadow blotting out the moon.

Already resigned, Kale asked tiredly, “More than ya bargained for, hon?”

“Umm...” For once, Taro was truly speechless, staring up at the monstrosity he himself had summoned. Version Beta was back, alright, but she was no longer quite so small. Nor, in fact, was she still a she.

“Phase shift complete,” boomed the huge, quite solid, and very well-endowed male, a shaft easily as thick around as Kale’s leg bobbing fitfully beneath that flat, shimmering pink belly. Even without a visible mouth, Kale was quite certain Version Beta was smirking as he said, “Preparing to execute program 5778, designated by user “Taro”...”

“Err,” Taro cut in, desperation invading his voice as he waved his claws in frantic ‘cease-fire’ motions. “Stop program? Reset? Truce? Is that too much to ask?”

So much for the retirement party, Kale thought, placing his head in his hands with a groan. He only hoped that this benefits package wouldn’t turn out to be a long-term one...

“Executing command...”