Another scam, Another Grand
Disclamer: I don't own pokemon or the scipt to the movie.
I also change the names of two of the characters for much more easier names to spell. So think of me as the main character since I'm named after the moive and I am a charmeleon anthro. It toke me a long time for to do this do please do not flame me.
**Theme song**
I like to boogie with my peepes
cruise and creep
playin' three-card money on these crazy streets.
Great hustler, I'm gonna scam in a minute
so low to the floor pick the pocket on a midget.
Slick shyster, The Pest Meister
living life in Miami's vice
ma see, nobody messes with the frog see
where's your Messiah now
(Egyptian malady)
naa, naa, naa, naa, naa,
naa, naa, naa, naa, naa, naa, naa
nice lady, I'm hurting, I'm hurting
I'm sexy but I'm hurting
all right already
I'm "ridiculiculous"
like a booger I stick to this
take a whiff of this
I'm stinky dinky, haa, haa, haa
two stinky dinky, haa, haa, haa
Chorus:
voodoo mambo, chillie congo
old school beat meets Latin freak
and you don't stop
that's the mean mambo
voodoo mambo, chillie congo
old school beat meets Latin freak
and you don't quit, and you don't stop.
that's the mean mambo
Mirror mirror on the wall
who is the slickest of them all
it's the schemingest, keenest scam artist
God it's so hard to be modest!
Jack may be nimble, but I'm a sex symbol
so slick I stole the wick from his candlestick.
I'm in the mood to scam, simply because I can
I'm the Latin Houdini
disappear in a flash with your cash and I'm back like a genie
ah, ah, ah Lucy I'm home
don't do that to me Lucy
freak to the east
freak to the west
freak big booties with the big chest
yes, y'all and it's like that
why certainly, naa, naa, naa.
Get stupid get retarded
cause Pest'll get the party started
which way did he go George, which way did he go
Abbbbrrrrbbb...
funkalocious, groovealocious, hatrocious
squawk, what a maroon, squawk, what a maroon
what a freak, squawk
what a suckerbutt, ah ha ha ha ha
I'm a man of a million disguises
I'm as crazy as they make them,
or shake them or break them
so scientific hate to be specific
e=mc2, are you still there
multiply, divide it slide up inside it
blend it, mix it damn I'm terrific
**end song**
"Did somebodey summon me?" a charmeleon morph says as he enters the room.
"Hello, Cleavers. Hello, June" he says as he kissed his mother.
"Hello, Ward." he say as he moved to kiss his partly bold father.
"Oh, I see Eddie Haskell is here." He said as he slapes his older brother on the fore head before taking his seat at the dinner table.
"I'm so proud. My son, the delivery boy. Your mom's birthday's coming up. What are you gonna steal for her this year?" His father ask.
"I don't know. I haven't decided yet. Ma, what do you want?" ask the teenage char after eating some of his breakfeast.
"Surprise me." she replied "I will! I will!" he said with a big grin.
"You know Pestario, You're just a common hustler." His brother said as he reach for his breifcase.
"What?!" yelled out the younger but slighty teller char. "There is nothing common about the way I dance!" he yelles at him.
"Shall we?" he held his arm out to his mother and dance in the living room, putting on a show for his whole family.
But stop when his charizard mother stated to realy get in to it.
"Mom!" he yelled before dropping her on the floor. "That was nasty. Oh, look at the time." He said as he walked toworlds the door.
"So long, family of mine. I have to go to work. Love, peace and chicken grease." he said as he lefted.
Yep, his name is Pestario or which in short Pest, but as he walked down his neighborhood two people are looking for a good hunt.
"Mr. Shank, we've been searching for hours. I don't think anyone in this neighborhood will fulfill our needs." Said the driver of a white safari jeep.
The man is a germen, human with a scare going down his cheek.
"Perhaps we should return home?" He ask the germen, machoke morph.
"You're too impatient, Leo. A good hunter must always remember the most challenging prey is often the most difficult to find." said the machoke said as he pull up a pair of binoculars.
"Pestario!" someone called his name as The Pest was walking pass a church, he turns to the voice coming from a old golden retiever anthro.
"Father Shillelagh. How are your Blarny stones?" Pest greated the priest in a fake Irish actsent.
"Pestario, I wanted to thank you personally for helping at the church bazaar." the Irish dog said as he shouked Pest's clawed hands.
"It was bizarre, wasn't it?" Pest said with a big grined.
"Yes, it was. You know, your booth made more money than any other" the priest continue. "What can I say?" Pest said pordly.
"It was impossible to knock down those milk bottles. You don't suppose it was divine intervention?" the dog anthro looked down at Pest as he said this.
"Shh. Father, if this is the way you keep secrets I'm gonna save all my juicy confessions for Father Garcia." Pest said all sectertly.
"I'll sail away now. Oh, Lucky Charms, they're magically delicious!" Pest sayes as he walked away with his fake Irish voice again.
"Bless you, my son.....I think" said Father Shillelagh.
The Pest was know walking past a school with the kiddies playing on the playgrounds and basketball-courtes.
"AH, children! Such carefree exuberance. Such pure innocence at play." Pest said as he guilded his clawed fingers across the chained-fance.
But as he reach the opening he gets hit in the face with a basketball.
The dark brown haired charmeleon hold his snote as pickes up the ball walking towords the kids who thown it, monbaling something about teaching them something.
"Hey, moron, we need one more for basketball." said a long haired eevee boy. Pest pointed to himself in question.
"You're with the fat loser-boy." The young male said as he pointed to his left where a big-booned human boy was standing.
"Why do they call you fat loser-boy?" The Pest ask.
"I think because I'm fat and I never win." the humen replied.
"Well we're gonna change that. The part about never winning." Pest said.
"Bet your lunches. First point wins." Pest said as he made the deel with the eevee boy and his treecko friend.
All of them got out into place for the game, the human and the treecko morph near the basket, and Pest and the eevee anthro in the center court.
"All right, you son of a freak, no fouls, no calls, no outs. Cheack." Pest said as he layed down the rules. He throwes the ball to the kid but back into his arms.
"Sucker!" Pest yelled out before he realy gives it.
The eevee boy dibbled the ball before he tircked Pest with a fake pass and sliped by him, at that time the treecko boy got passed the human and catches the ball that his friend has passed to him.
Treecko anthro tries to take the shote but Pest blockes it .
The game end as Pest gives the ball to the human, lefts him up so that the kid could make a slame-dunk.
The two othere kids yelled in shock, as they grab the bagges of lunches from thier back-packes they blame each other for their lose.
"We won! We won! Give me your lunches." Pest said as he held out his arms. Both of them shoved their lunch bags in to his clawed hands.
"That'll teach you a lesson punks. Now get outta here!" Pest say before turning towords the fat kid who is still hang from the basket's rim.
"Don't worry kid, they'll never call you a loser again." Pest said before he left.
"Thinks, mister. Hey, mister, wait a minute. I'm stuck." The boy said as he watch Pest run away.
Pest is now walking down on a diffrent street. As he puts his sunglasses on, he hears someone honking at him.
He turns to see a blue jeep coming his way.
"Is that the Mack Daddy pimp?" a tall, baffed, grovyle morph yells as the jeep pulles over.
Behind the wheel is a pikachu morph. The pikachu is two inches smaller then Pest and has black hair that meets his shoulders.
The pikachu and the grovyle names are Ninja and Chubby.
"What's up?" Pest yelles back.
"What's up?" Chubby greated. "Lunch is on me, freaks." Pest said as he throwes them the sacked lunches he won from the basketball game.
"So where is my super-scam shell game apparatus?" Pest asked Ninja as he rubbed his hand togather.
"Come on Pest, don't doubt me. We got it." The pikachu said as he pulles up a buffie-case.
"Ah ha. Mad excellent, mad excelltent, man." Pest laughed "You know, this scam is fool proof. I'm gonna be the King of Corruption. The Duke of Deception." but before he can contenued Chubby butted in "Whoa, whoa. Pest, that's what you say about all your scams." the grovyle strated.
"What about your bets with the Scottish mob?" Chubby finished.
"Yeah. Now you own them $50,000." Ninja add in.
"What are guys my acccountants? For God's sske, have a little faith in the Pest. A little faith, please." Pest said.
"I got all my bases covered. I got contingency plans." Pest gos on.
"Pest. Hey listen man. All we're saying is that..." Ninja said interrupting Pest.
"This scamming thing is getting kind of dangerous." Ninja said as Chubby nodes his head.
"All right. If it will make my bestest of friends feel any better. I'm going to promise I'll never going to scam ever again as long as I live." Pest said as he slappes Chubby's cheekes.
"Yo, Pest. That would be good, man. I'm proud of you." Chubby said as Pest jumps in the back of the jeep.
"Yeah, maybe we can stop getting you out of trouble." Ninja said.
"Now, the key to this scam is to convince people that I am blind" Pest says as he rolled his eyes to the back of his head.
"You never gonna learn, man." Chubby sighed.
*****
In a few minutes drive they were at a big event called the Festival of Miami. All kinds of people and anthros are gathered here.
Music playing, the small of all kinds of food, and many things to do.
Even Gustav Shank and his humen buttler Leo came to the event.
"These people are all so...teeny!" the machoke said in shock. "There must be a worthy candidate here." Gustav grunted.
In the mean time, Pest and his friends are having a great time.
"Oh, Pest, look, there's Megan." Ninja said as he pointed into a conga line.
The girl he pointed at is a dragon anthro, her scales are a candy apple red and her under belly scales are snow white.
She has two small pearl white horns pointed outward from her head, her hair and wing are both blue and her eyes are golden brown.
"Hey. baby! Hey, Baby!" The Pest called out as he cut into the conga line.
"Hey, We'll catch up to you later." His pikachu friend yelled.
"Hey, baby. How's my Nubian bucket of love? My ebony delight, my dragoness romanticus." Pest said as he cut in between her and a female kangaroo anthro.
"Where was your sorry charmeleon buttocks last night." Megan turned around to her dark red boyfriend.
"Hey baby, easy with the nagging." Pest said knowing he is trouble
"You missed dinner with my parents last night, Pest!" Megan said
"Yeah! You missed dinner with her parents last night, loser!" The kangaroo anthro scoulded Pest with her dark pupler eyes.
The kangaroo had blond hair which is about shouder lengh, most of the times she has her hair covering her left eye.
"Do you mind if I talk to my girlfriend alone?" The charmeleon said after he chukled abit.
"Anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of Ashlee." Megan pointed out.
"Anything?" Pest ask "Anything!" Both girls said at once.
"Fine. Ashlee's got mossy teeth, flees, and a fat tail base!" Pest said as he smilled.
"Pest!" Megan slapped him.
"These jeans make me look fat." Ashlee pounted.
"No, Ashlee Your fat butt makes you looks fat." Pest said to his girlfriend's friend.
Of couse the last comment he made got Megan to leave the conga line.
"Oh baby, I'm sorry. There's nothing more I want to do than be with my girlfriend's parents." Pest said as he chased after her.
"So come on, Let's reschedule a site for tomorrow. Huh, blue wings?" Pest said trying make up for last night.
"Can't do it" Chubby said as dances by. "Why not?" Pest ask his grovyle friend.
"Ka baz pi do goon. " Ninja come up explaining to him.
"So?" Pest asked his pikachu friend "Pika porty!" Ninja said as come up with the main point.
"Well, char ba meleon freek?! Oh dang baby, what a dufus! What a freak! I totally forgot--"
"Just forget it. I'm outta here" Megan pounted as she enterupped Pest and walks away.
"Oh no, Meggie-poo, come on baby. I'll skip my previous commitment." Pest said as he starts to dance with her.
"Really? You'll come to dinner?" the red dragoness ask with puppy-dog eyes.
"Absofreakinglutely. I'll make your parents love me and ask me to marry you." the charmeleon replied.
"How are going do that?" Megan ask as she giggle
"I'll tell 'em you're pregnant." Pest said "What?" Megan yelled out loud.
"He'll tell 'em you're pregnant. What?" Ninja and chubbes come out of no where mokking her.
"Pest-man, we gotta go. Sorry." Ninja said as Chubby garb hold of Pest.
"All right. Love, peace and chicken grease, I love you, baby!" Pest said as he was carried away.
"You're pregnant?!" Ashlee said as she come out of the blue. "Oh Ashlee." Megan sighed.
*****
Pest and he's two friends are now in a diffrent area of the festival with a Mexican band playing for the crowed and a few guys playing with a soccer ball.
Pest is seen in the crowed behind a black pokadot table with three empty coconut shells. He himself has his sunglasses on and a sign hanging around his neck saying "I AM BLIND".
"Ladies and Gentlemen, step right up. Money is flying out of my pocket. Come play the lucky coconut shell game. There's a winner born every minute." Pest spoke in loud voice so the people can he him.
"Yo, man, I got $20 that says I can find that ball." Chubby said as he waves a real $20 bill.
"Okey, folks, we've got a taker." Pest said to the crowed before his hands moved lighting fast, mixing the coconut shells.
"Crossmyhand,Ifooltherichman,poorman, but not the policeman." The char morph spoked as fast as he mixed the shelles.
"Which shell is it under? You must tell me because I'm blind." Pest said as he stopes mixing up the shells.
All of the sudden, the soccer ball that the group of men where playing with fly toward Pest's face but he was able to catch in mid-air.
"Hey, soccer boy, come here. Yeah, you." Pest waved to last person who kicked the ball but in the wrong direction. "Hey" the man said as he walked toward him.
"Oh, there you are." Pest said as he looked toward the older charizard anthro. "If you were blind, How'd you catch that ball?" he asked.
"Telepathy. You lose one sense, you gain another." the charmeleon said, keeping his act up.
"So, how'd you know I was a male?" the older char asked. "I could hear your gonads shaking." Pest said at loud.
"You know, you should wear more support, shorty." Pest said in almost a wisper but loud enough for everyone could hear.
As the Charizard morph made his bet on the game, the germen machoke and his buttler are still sreaching through the crowed.
Mr. Shank's binoculars soon landed on the charizard morph near Pest's table.
"Maybe, maybe. Yeah, that's more like it." The machoke yelled "That is the specimen I went. Find out all you can about him, and I'll make the nececssary preparations." Mr. Shank said as he pointed to the charizard before he hand his binoculars to Leo.
"Yes Mr. Shank" the humen said as the machoke left. He looks through binoculars at the direction his boss pointed toward and saw Pest instead.
"Oh! What a pathetic choice." He said to himself as he watch.
"Which shell is it under?" Pest ask the older char morph as he stop mixing the shells again. The charizard tap the one in the middle.
"Ah. Sorry, sucker, you lose." Pest said as he moved the shell back and froth before he lift it to show nothing.
"No, you lose, brah!" said a Scottish humen with a Scottish slowking morph, both of them are wharing Scottish clothing.
All the people back off a few feet as the Scottemen knock down the table.
"Did I hear something fall? Knock, knock. Who's there?" Pest ask as he wave his hands in font of him.
"We work for Angus. Are you Pest Vargas?" the Scottish slowking asked. "Are you the doctor?" Pest ask.
He placed has clawed hands agenst the humen and starts to feel around his face. "Oh, my, Grandma, what large pores you have. Definitely not a plastic surgeon." the teenage char said trying to be funny.
"Oh, my God, you're hideous. Repulsive, even! And you have a lump! You poor misshapen creature!" Pest said as he lefted up the humen's kilt to revile a gun. "Well, we can still profit from your misfortune." the teen said as he grap a white cane.
"Steap right gentlemen. For $1, take a picture with the freakise Elephant Man in a kilt!" Pest said out loud before make his getta-way.
"Do something! You know karate!" Chuppy yelled at his pikachu friend as they watch Pest being chased around by the Scottmen.
Unfortunately for Pest, there was no gap in the crowed and the Scottish hitmen caught up to him. The human grab him by the arms and hold toward his slowking patner.
"Angus wants his money." The Scottish slowking demanded.
"You wouldn't hit a blind man, would you?" he ask as he was tossed forward with his sunglasses falling off.
Hitman punch him in the face sanding him back to the human Scottman.
"How do you feel about asthmatics? I can't breathe!" Pest said as he pates his cheats like he was out of breath but he gettes punch again.
"Emotionally-challenged people? Ha ha ha, he he he." He said as he gets back up only to get punch again.
"What about epileptics? Hold my tongue!" Pest said as he fake a stroke. The slowking started to kicking The Pest now.
"Get 'em!" Chuppy yelled as he saw Ninja run out behind the hitmen. "You guys are in trouble now." Ninja said.
Ninja pulled the hitmen way from he's charmeleon friend. "Don't worry Pest. Chubby and I will take care of them!" Ninja said out load.
"Chubby and I?" The grovyle asked.
As two mob hanch men turn towardes Ninja and Chubby, Pest reach up with both hands and got hold of both their kilt's.
"Let's air out our differences, fellas." Pest said as he rippes off their kilt's.
The cowed started laughing at them as two hitmen just stand there in their underpants, embarrassed, mostly the human since he's wharing women's panties.
The three friends desided to make their get-way, with them splitting up.
Pest want down a alley and stop by a go-kart, he gettes out a orang unaform and a wig and chang into before he goes in the Chinese restaurant near by.
Unknowen to him as he goes to work is that Leo, the germen, human buttler, was watching him and wrighting down the phonenumber off the delivery kart.
****
As Pest went through the beeded door-way, he made his way toward a table for the employees, picking up a chinies bowel and a pair of chope stickes and started to eat the rice that was place in the bowel for him, but his boss, a 40 year old Chinese human caught sight of him as he sit down.
"Ahhh! My favorite delivery boy. What happened to you? You late!" His boss yelled.
"Ah, chin bonie chu..." Pest said in Chinese. "Nun fon kuichie fu gonya" his boss spoke as he pointed at his watch.
"Disa doy.." Pest said "Kesa bukchi!" his boss replied "Meloveyoulongtime. Mesohorny kochu." Pest said.
"Wait. Why I don't unerstand any of your Chinese?" his boss question him.
"I from south. Different dialect. Right? Everybody know that it's different dialect." Pest said as he went back to his rice.
"So am I. I am from south, too." His boss said.
"I from far, far, far, south. Eat some grits, y'all." Pest laughed.
"Wherever you come from, you late for last time." his Boss said as he pointed at him. "You know, You don't look Chinese. You look like Moe from Three Stooges. I fire your ass." His boss said as he walked away towards the kitchen.
"Oh please, give me onother chance! I'll never do it again, I promise. You don't know the troubles I've seen! I'''ve got a sick grandmother." Pest beg as he garpes the Chinese man's leg.
"Listen. I've got a good excuse this time. Listen to this." Pest said as they went in to the kitchen.
"Okey, I was walking my pet dog..." Pest sees a semis cat anthro cutting off the head of a roasted duck.
"Duck. My pet duck! When he ranned off on me, I was about to..." Pest said before he looked up at all the roasted ducks hanging on hookes.
"OH, MY GOD! Quacky! Quacky! What have they dided to you?" Pest cried. "Which one is he?" Pest asked the cat.
"I don't know" The cheif replied. "Oh, god. they all look the same! I'll have to call my lawyer and tell him I can't find my Quacky." Pest said.
With the machine of a lawyer, both the cheif and the owner got worried.
"This must be Quacky, with that sweet little smile. Gimme that!" Pest yelled as he yanked off the cats red rag that he was wearing around his neck. Pest then rap it around the head of a roasted duck.
"Poor little Quacky. Don't worry. I'll bury in France just like you all ways wanted." Pest cried over the fake pet.
"You kill Quacky?" Pest's boss ask the cheif. "NO! I, I, I might have." the cat said as he was little bit confussed.
"But why?" the owner ask as he started to smack the cheif on top his head "I'm sorry." the cat yelld out.
"Mr. Cheung?" Pest called for his boss. "Can I talk to you?" the teenage char asked. "Yes." He replied as he turn his gaze toward the fire type. "Can I talk to you over here?" Pest said as he seafted a bit. "Over here?" his boss asked.
"No, over here." Pest said as toke a stape said ways "Okay." Mr. Cheung said as he went with him.
"Can I use your office phone?" Pest asked. "Not call your lawryer?" His boss replied.
"Not yet. First I have to call my family and tell them about, about Quacky." Pest cried.
"Yes, of course, of course." Mr. Cheung said as he lead the charmeleon to his office.
"Don't worry. I'll take care of you. Anything you need, just let me know." His boss said as he being nice to him.
"Okay, there is one thing." Pest said "Yes." Mr. Cheung said as he listen clossely.
"Quacky always wanted to be served extra-crispy. Could you do that?" Pest ask. "No problem." His boss replied.
"No MSG? And an extra order of rice?" Pest ask "Sure." His boss replied. "Thank you." Pest said.
"You're very welcome. Don't worry. I take care of you." Mr. Cheung said as he walk away leaving Pest in his office.
"You're wonderful. Really." Pest said as he watch his boss walk off.
Pest then turn toward the phone and dailed a number for a bar.
Meanwhile, at the Scottish bar, a Scottish Hariyama waved his hand to stop the bag-pipe band from playing.
"Hello." He said as he picked up the phone. "Angusie?" replied the person on the other side of the line.
"Pest." Angus said as he remenber the owner of the voice.
"You rapscallion! You naughty man, you! I'm hurted that you sent your ruffians after me. I was gonna surprise you with a check-a-rony." Pest said as he speek through the receiver.
"You listen up. You've owed me $50,000 for three weeks! You'd showe more respect if we were the Italian mob." Angus said.
"Oh, please. Don't start that again." Pest said before he toke a bit of a apple on his boss'es desk.
"Just because we're Scottish, people don't take us seriously." Angus said only to hear Pest burbed on the other side.
"People will take us seriously when they see what we do to you." Angus said in a low and threating voice.
"Angusie, homeinsky! All I need is time." Pest said.
"You know what today is?" Angus ask. "The first day of the rest of our lives?" Pest ask back. "No." Angus said.
"Sean Connery's birthday?" Pest ask the second time. "Sean Connery's birthday?" Angus question.
"Sean Connery's birthday!" said a Scotty dog anthro whos' in the band.
The band begain to play "Hes a jolly good fellower" on their bag-pipes as angus sweatdropped and Pest gave a questionable look at the phone.
As the band stop playing, Angus but the phone back to his ear. "Listen. Today is Monday. I want all the money by Wednesday or I'll kill your whole famliy." Angus threaten.
"How 'bout Thursday, and you just take out a cousin?" Pest said. "Kzzz. Oh, bad connection. Or, I. kzzz I bring you the cash. Kzz. I can't. Kzz. What ever." Pest said as he hanges up the phone.
"Extra-crispy. Just like you wanted." Pest's boss comes up with a plate of food.
"My poor Quacky." the teenage char said as he started up the water workes again. He takes a peace of fried duck and eats it.
"My poor Quacky. Can I get extra plum sauce?" Pest ask.
"You have no time for this. You have delivery to do! Go! Hurry!" Mr. Cheung as he hand over a bag of Chinese food to go.
Pest gets on his go-kart and drive toward the address on the bag, which was in a rich neighborhood.
****
In a big white mansion the germen machoke, Gustav Shank , is waiting for his prey to arive at his house.
"Soon I shall return to dank splendor of the homeland and be away from all this nauseating pastel." Gustav said to himself.
His buttler, Leo comes up to him with some newes "Excuse me Mr. Shank. Your Chinese food has arrived." Leo reproted.
"Oh yummy! Where?" Gustav asked, the human pointed over the of the 2nd floor they where on.
Gustav looks over to see the teenage charmeleon, Pest, playing racket ball with the house big, thick windows.
"What is that?" Gustav ask. "That's the one you requested. You know, the blind Char." Leo replied.
"I most certainly did not! I wanted the athletic Char!" Said the machoke. "But you pointed at him" Leo said.
"Why would I pick a blind man?" Gustav yelled as he was very anoid.
"Sir, he's not really blind" Leo pointed out. "He's a scam artist. A very fast and agile one. Mr. Vargas here runs numbers out of his Chinese restaurant, but unfortunately some of his own bets turned sour" Leo continued.
"How zour?" Gustav asked "He owes the Scottish mob $50,000." Leo replied "I didn't know there was a Scottish mob!" Gustav said.
"If he doesn't pay in two days, they'll kill him." Leo pointed out. Gustav then started to rethink about this teenage charmeleon.
Pest has stop playing with the hackie-sack he was using for racket ball and stuffing richley valuables in his delivery bag and his pockets.
As soon as he saw the Germen machoke getting out of the houses elevator, quickly sat down on the sofa, grabing a open box of Chinese food and slorp a little bit of chau main.
"Hello!" Gustav greeted the char anthro.
"Hi! Just doing our compliantly MSG test. Everything seems to pass inspection, Mr. Man. That's $52.23 for the food and a $100 delivery charge 'cause I don't noramlly come out to this neighborhood." Pest said as he lick his lips.
"Why is that? You afraid of rich people?" Gustav ask as he pulled out a clock from Pest's pocket.
"Yeah ha. "Cause your carry diseases that my species don't have immunities for." said Pest.
"Perhaps you're just being...PARanoid." said Gustav.
"Dang, Could you back off? You spit when you talk and I'm very susceptible to airborn syphilises and whatnot." Pest said as he walked around the caffee table with a disgusted face.
"Pest. Is that your name or personality trait?" Gustav ask as he saw his name tag while he removed his bag from his shoulder.
"While, my real name is Pestario Rivera Beach Espinoza Juan Marcos Neruda Salsa Picante Vargas. But you can me Pestario. Pest, for shorter." At that time Pest leanded his face forword and spit in Gustav's face "Now we're even." Pest laughed.
Atfer digging his stuff back out, Gustav handed back Pest's bag.
"What is a Charmelon boy doing delivering Chinese food?" Gustav ask, just making chit-chat.
"Chinese food?" Pest ask in confussin. "Oh, my God! The MSG, the chopsticks, the disappearing dogs! Now it all makes sense. And I thought they were eccentric Mexicans. What a fool! What a prev! What a sucker-butt!" Pest said.
Pest then flabbed down on the lazy boy behind him. He also noticed a picture of a female zangoose near by.
"Oh, a hot wench! Yeah , baby!" Pest said as he pickes it up and licks the picture.
"Thats my wife!" Gustav grunted through his teeth.
"Oopss. My bad." Pest
"You know, I zaw you earlier today on the street." Gustav pointed out as he moved to sit down on the sofa. "You did?" Pest asked.
"Of couse you probably didn't see me because you were...blind at the time." said the machoke.
"So you unearthed my horrible secret. I am blind! I am!" Pest said as he got up and started to running all over the room, waving his hands in the air, ramming into thing and knocking down smell statures that were placed on a self.
"I've been blind to other people's faults. Please don't tell! I was going to become dumpling boy next week." Pest said as he falls face first in the open space of the sofa next to Gustav.
"Why isn't a smart boy like you....in college?" Gustav asked. "Well it's a little painful discussion realy." Pest begains as he takes a cigar from Gustav's pocket.
"I hit puberty in the first grade, and there's only so many times a seven-year-old can be called... "fire hose" before he cracks." Pest said as he slappes his leg.
"That's really too bad becausemy family provides a $50,000 cash scholarship to minority students and I thought..." Gustav said as he pulles out a ward of $100 bills and settes it on the caffee table.
"$50,000?" Pest asked in disbelive.
"Yeah." said Gustav.
"$50,000?" the char morph ask again.
"Yup, that's it." Gustav said as he hand over a $100 bill to the fire type.
"Will look at that. Look at that. Will you touch it? The fire hose is gone!" said Pest.
"It's a miracle. Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! I want to learn! I want to go to school!" Pest shouted out loud.
"You do?" Gustav asked. "Yes." Pest replies.
"Good! I'm so glad you're so eager! Oh, let us celebrate, all right?" said the Germen machoke as he graps a lightter out of his pocket and lights the cigar that Pest still has.
"Of course I have to administer a few small tests before you qualify." Gustav pointed out. "Test?" Pest asked.
***
One of these test has Pest strap to a rotating table and of couse he is having a blast.
"Hey, can I get one of these tables for my dorm room? Turn it up! this fun. Come on." Pest laughed.
Through a small window of the sitts Gustav and Leo at the control bouth.
"All right Leo, crank it up." Gustav comanded. Leo turn the dail on the dash broad from Med. to fast.
The table then begain to back up more speed, turning the char morph's yell's of fun to moans of sickness.
"Wait a minute. I don't feel so well. I fell kinda..." Pest said. the next thing Gustav know is that the glass got covred on green cunkes of goo. Gustav just mark this test, failed.
The next test had Pest in a exorcize machine for the legs with Gustav and Leo standing on both sides.
"You will do as many repetitions as you can manage in on minute. Go!" As Gustav give the word, Leo pulled out the weight pin cousing the machine to pull the Pest's legges wide apart, painfully.
"One" Pest screeched. Again, failed.
"Are you ready?" Gustav asked. Another test had them in a indoor tennise court, to test the Pest athletic skills.
Pest rashed his reaket to showe that he was. Leo tossed a tennise ball in the ball gun, flainning it at the Pest, hitting him in the forehead.
"Okey, I wan't ready. Lets try again." Pest said as he gettes back up.
Again Leo had ball gun shout another ball at him and yet again hittes him in the head. Ball after ball Pest kept getting hit by them, he even try to covrer his face with his racket and still he got hit in the face. Soon he pass out, leaving Gustav very anoid.
"He's the worst candidate we have ever had." said Gustav.
***
Night has now fallin, and Pest is done with these test but he is waiting for results now and desided to play a little pool.
He is seen trearling around a pool stick as he waited for Leo to get done with setting up billiard balls on the neon pool table.
"I will show you the shot that won me the reform school championship and the tag "8-Ball Kid." Are you watching?"
Pest said as aim his stick at the white cue ball.
Just then, Gustav came walking in with a martini in his right hand.
"Pest!" Gustav yalled out. Diverting his attention away from the game, Pest still hit the cue ball but too low and to hard cousing it to fly off the table and crashing through Gustav's glass like a rocket.
"I'm sorry. I'm awful sorry. But I know you don't care because you Germans are the greatest!" Pest said as him and Leo walked toword Gustav.
"Next time if hear I hear somebody saying that Germans are humorless people. I'm gpnna tell them to come to this house. Al'right." Pest laughed.
"Pest, I have to tell that.." Gustav started talking but got interrupt by Pest.
"So you started a few wars, al'right? Actually, you started every war. I mean who's counting? It's not like you ever won one!" Pest said as he depants Leo. "We kicked France's ass." Leo said before bends down to his pants back up.
"Oh, please! Who doesn't, right?" Pest laughed.
"Pest! Your scores were so abysmal that..." Gustav tries to speak again before Pest interruptes him again.
"And your women! So you dig fat chicks. What do the rest of us care? We don't have to touch them. Right? You know what it's like?
It's like riding a moped.It's fun till your friends catch you doing it. Don't tell that laughing boy." said Pest.
"You failed!" Gustav yelled out. "You lost the scholarship. You can't go." said Gustav with Pest copying him.
"Stop repeating what I'm saying." Gustav and Pest said at the same time. "I mean it!" both of them grunted.
Gustav is starting to get very anoid with Pest doing eveything that he was doing.
"All right, all right , okay! You're the ideal candidate for the scholarship. Mwa ha ha ha." Both laughed.
Both keeping eyeing each other for a while untill Pest thrust his head forword and yalling out "BOO".
"I am? I am? Oh, snap! Oh, joy!" Pest yelled out as he started to dancing around with his victory dance.
Leo walked up to Gustav, asking something in German.
"I can't think of anything I would rather do before returning to the homeland than ridding the earth of this creature!" Gustav grunted through his teeth as he look back to the still dancing charmeleon boy.
"Go get the contract." Gustav said as he grand his teeth. He then turn his attention toword Pest.
"Pest, time to sign the contract." Gustav callled out in a coulm and kind matter.
After taking the contract from Leo, Gustav handed it to Pest who eager to have it alone with a pin.
As Pest and Gustav sat down on a near by sofa, he begain to look for the dotted line to sign on.
"Yoooo! I toke a legal correspondence course and I'm only two credits away. And I don't know all stuff about maiming and death is." Pest said as he reades the paragarph.
"It's just legal mumbo jumbo." Gustav explained. "All right." Pest said as went back to froam untill he come acroos another paragarph.
"What's this about "I waive my leagal rights" and whatnot?" Pest asked.
"Some kid sued us last year over a stubbed toe, so we had to add it. Just sign."said Gustav.
"All right." Pest said as hw went back to paper.
"What's this all about... " Pest starting to ask ask again but Gustav garp thr froam and try to pull out of char's hands.
"OKEY! So you don't want the $50,000." Gustav yelled "I do want it!" Pest yelled back as he try to pulled away from Gustav.
"College is a big commitment." Gustav yelled "I'll be committed." Pest yelled back.
"We'll give it to someone else." Gustav grunted "Give it to me." Pest said as he pulled the froam free from Gustav.
Gustav was about to chase him but Leo got between them with a couble of glass full of campaign.
"Perhaps a toast?" Leo said out loud. He gives one glass to Gustav while Pest used his back for a table and sign the contract.
Pest looked over Leo's shoulder and stickes out his tong.
"I'm in like sin." Pest said as he hands over the contract.
"Now, we have a little tradition that all the winners join me for a little gentlemanly hunt on my private island." Gustav said trying to sound dignified.
"Oh goody. What are we gonna hunt?" Pest asked as he rubes his hands to gather.
"Deer." Gustav replied but at the same time Leo said "Goose." "Deergoose." said Leo.
"Ja. Dergoose. We hunt da deergoose. It's..." Gustav said as he was trying to find the right words.
"Indigenous." Leo corrected him. "Indigenous to my island." Gustav said as he finaly finished.
"To the hurt!" Pest cheared as he rise his glass. "To da hunt." Leo yelled. All three made the toast but for some unknowen reason.
When Pest was finished with his drink, he tossed the empty glass into a picture of some German officare, knocking it down to floor.
"Sorry." Pest said as the two German give hima cold starer.
I also change the names of two of the characters for much more easier names to spell. So think of me as the main character since I'm named after the moive and I am a charmeleon anthro. It toke me a long time for to do this do please do not flame me.
**Theme song**
I like to boogie with my peepes
cruise and creep
playin' three-card money on these crazy streets.
Great hustler, I'm gonna scam in a minute
so low to the floor pick the pocket on a midget.
Slick shyster, The Pest Meister
living life in Miami's vice
ma see, nobody messes with the frog see
where's your Messiah now
(Egyptian malady)
naa, naa, naa, naa, naa,
naa, naa, naa, naa, naa, naa, naa
nice lady, I'm hurting, I'm hurting
I'm sexy but I'm hurting
all right already
I'm "ridiculiculous"
like a booger I stick to this
take a whiff of this
I'm stinky dinky, haa, haa, haa
two stinky dinky, haa, haa, haa
Chorus:
voodoo mambo, chillie congo
old school beat meets Latin freak
and you don't stop
that's the mean mambo
voodoo mambo, chillie congo
old school beat meets Latin freak
and you don't quit, and you don't stop.
that's the mean mambo
Mirror mirror on the wall
who is the slickest of them all
it's the schemingest, keenest scam artist
God it's so hard to be modest!
Jack may be nimble, but I'm a sex symbol
so slick I stole the wick from his candlestick.
I'm in the mood to scam, simply because I can
I'm the Latin Houdini
disappear in a flash with your cash and I'm back like a genie
ah, ah, ah Lucy I'm home
don't do that to me Lucy
freak to the east
freak to the west
freak big booties with the big chest
yes, y'all and it's like that
why certainly, naa, naa, naa.
Get stupid get retarded
cause Pest'll get the party started
which way did he go George, which way did he go
Abbbbrrrrbbb...
funkalocious, groovealocious, hatrocious
squawk, what a maroon, squawk, what a maroon
what a freak, squawk
what a suckerbutt, ah ha ha ha ha
I'm a man of a million disguises
I'm as crazy as they make them,
or shake them or break them
so scientific hate to be specific
e=mc2, are you still there
multiply, divide it slide up inside it
blend it, mix it damn I'm terrific
**end song**
"Did somebodey summon me?" a charmeleon morph says as he enters the room.
"Hello, Cleavers. Hello, June" he says as he kissed his mother.
"Hello, Ward." he say as he moved to kiss his partly bold father.
"Oh, I see Eddie Haskell is here." He said as he slapes his older brother on the fore head before taking his seat at the dinner table.
"I'm so proud. My son, the delivery boy. Your mom's birthday's coming up. What are you gonna steal for her this year?" His father ask.
"I don't know. I haven't decided yet. Ma, what do you want?" ask the teenage char after eating some of his breakfeast.
"Surprise me." she replied "I will! I will!" he said with a big grin.
"You know Pestario, You're just a common hustler." His brother said as he reach for his breifcase.
"What?!" yelled out the younger but slighty teller char. "There is nothing common about the way I dance!" he yelles at him.
"Shall we?" he held his arm out to his mother and dance in the living room, putting on a show for his whole family.
But stop when his charizard mother stated to realy get in to it.
"Mom!" he yelled before dropping her on the floor. "That was nasty. Oh, look at the time." He said as he walked toworlds the door.
"So long, family of mine. I have to go to work. Love, peace and chicken grease." he said as he lefted.
Yep, his name is Pestario or which in short Pest, but as he walked down his neighborhood two people are looking for a good hunt.
"Mr. Shank, we've been searching for hours. I don't think anyone in this neighborhood will fulfill our needs." Said the driver of a white safari jeep.
The man is a germen, human with a scare going down his cheek.
"Perhaps we should return home?" He ask the germen, machoke morph.
"You're too impatient, Leo. A good hunter must always remember the most challenging prey is often the most difficult to find." said the machoke said as he pull up a pair of binoculars.
"Pestario!" someone called his name as The Pest was walking pass a church, he turns to the voice coming from a old golden retiever anthro.
"Father Shillelagh. How are your Blarny stones?" Pest greated the priest in a fake Irish actsent.
"Pestario, I wanted to thank you personally for helping at the church bazaar." the Irish dog said as he shouked Pest's clawed hands.
"It was bizarre, wasn't it?" Pest said with a big grined.
"Yes, it was. You know, your booth made more money than any other" the priest continue. "What can I say?" Pest said pordly.
"It was impossible to knock down those milk bottles. You don't suppose it was divine intervention?" the dog anthro looked down at Pest as he said this.
"Shh. Father, if this is the way you keep secrets I'm gonna save all my juicy confessions for Father Garcia." Pest said all sectertly.
"I'll sail away now. Oh, Lucky Charms, they're magically delicious!" Pest sayes as he walked away with his fake Irish voice again.
"Bless you, my son.....I think" said Father Shillelagh.
The Pest was know walking past a school with the kiddies playing on the playgrounds and basketball-courtes.
"AH, children! Such carefree exuberance. Such pure innocence at play." Pest said as he guilded his clawed fingers across the chained-fance.
But as he reach the opening he gets hit in the face with a basketball.
The dark brown haired charmeleon hold his snote as pickes up the ball walking towords the kids who thown it, monbaling something about teaching them something.
"Hey, moron, we need one more for basketball." said a long haired eevee boy. Pest pointed to himself in question.
"You're with the fat loser-boy." The young male said as he pointed to his left where a big-booned human boy was standing.
"Why do they call you fat loser-boy?" The Pest ask.
"I think because I'm fat and I never win." the humen replied.
"Well we're gonna change that. The part about never winning." Pest said.
"Bet your lunches. First point wins." Pest said as he made the deel with the eevee boy and his treecko friend.
All of them got out into place for the game, the human and the treecko morph near the basket, and Pest and the eevee anthro in the center court.
"All right, you son of a freak, no fouls, no calls, no outs. Cheack." Pest said as he layed down the rules. He throwes the ball to the kid but back into his arms.
"Sucker!" Pest yelled out before he realy gives it.
The eevee boy dibbled the ball before he tircked Pest with a fake pass and sliped by him, at that time the treecko boy got passed the human and catches the ball that his friend has passed to him.
Treecko anthro tries to take the shote but Pest blockes it .
The game end as Pest gives the ball to the human, lefts him up so that the kid could make a slame-dunk.
The two othere kids yelled in shock, as they grab the bagges of lunches from thier back-packes they blame each other for their lose.
"We won! We won! Give me your lunches." Pest said as he held out his arms. Both of them shoved their lunch bags in to his clawed hands.
"That'll teach you a lesson punks. Now get outta here!" Pest say before turning towords the fat kid who is still hang from the basket's rim.
"Don't worry kid, they'll never call you a loser again." Pest said before he left.
"Thinks, mister. Hey, mister, wait a minute. I'm stuck." The boy said as he watch Pest run away.
Pest is now walking down on a diffrent street. As he puts his sunglasses on, he hears someone honking at him.
He turns to see a blue jeep coming his way.
"Is that the Mack Daddy pimp?" a tall, baffed, grovyle morph yells as the jeep pulles over.
Behind the wheel is a pikachu morph. The pikachu is two inches smaller then Pest and has black hair that meets his shoulders.
The pikachu and the grovyle names are Ninja and Chubby.
"What's up?" Pest yelles back.
"What's up?" Chubby greated. "Lunch is on me, freaks." Pest said as he throwes them the sacked lunches he won from the basketball game.
"So where is my super-scam shell game apparatus?" Pest asked Ninja as he rubbed his hand togather.
"Come on Pest, don't doubt me. We got it." The pikachu said as he pulles up a buffie-case.
"Ah ha. Mad excellent, mad excelltent, man." Pest laughed "You know, this scam is fool proof. I'm gonna be the King of Corruption. The Duke of Deception." but before he can contenued Chubby butted in "Whoa, whoa. Pest, that's what you say about all your scams." the grovyle strated.
"What about your bets with the Scottish mob?" Chubby finished.
"Yeah. Now you own them $50,000." Ninja add in.
"What are guys my acccountants? For God's sske, have a little faith in the Pest. A little faith, please." Pest said.
"I got all my bases covered. I got contingency plans." Pest gos on.
"Pest. Hey listen man. All we're saying is that..." Ninja said interrupting Pest.
"This scamming thing is getting kind of dangerous." Ninja said as Chubby nodes his head.
"All right. If it will make my bestest of friends feel any better. I'm going to promise I'll never going to scam ever again as long as I live." Pest said as he slappes Chubby's cheekes.
"Yo, Pest. That would be good, man. I'm proud of you." Chubby said as Pest jumps in the back of the jeep.
"Yeah, maybe we can stop getting you out of trouble." Ninja said.
"Now, the key to this scam is to convince people that I am blind" Pest says as he rolled his eyes to the back of his head.
"You never gonna learn, man." Chubby sighed.
*****
In a few minutes drive they were at a big event called the Festival of Miami. All kinds of people and anthros are gathered here.
Music playing, the small of all kinds of food, and many things to do.
Even Gustav Shank and his humen buttler Leo came to the event.
"These people are all so...teeny!" the machoke said in shock. "There must be a worthy candidate here." Gustav grunted.
In the mean time, Pest and his friends are having a great time.
"Oh, Pest, look, there's Megan." Ninja said as he pointed into a conga line.
The girl he pointed at is a dragon anthro, her scales are a candy apple red and her under belly scales are snow white.
She has two small pearl white horns pointed outward from her head, her hair and wing are both blue and her eyes are golden brown.
"Hey. baby! Hey, Baby!" The Pest called out as he cut into the conga line.
"Hey, We'll catch up to you later." His pikachu friend yelled.
"Hey, baby. How's my Nubian bucket of love? My ebony delight, my dragoness romanticus." Pest said as he cut in between her and a female kangaroo anthro.
"Where was your sorry charmeleon buttocks last night." Megan turned around to her dark red boyfriend.
"Hey baby, easy with the nagging." Pest said knowing he is trouble
"You missed dinner with my parents last night, Pest!" Megan said
"Yeah! You missed dinner with her parents last night, loser!" The kangaroo anthro scoulded Pest with her dark pupler eyes.
The kangaroo had blond hair which is about shouder lengh, most of the times she has her hair covering her left eye.
"Do you mind if I talk to my girlfriend alone?" The charmeleon said after he chukled abit.
"Anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of Ashlee." Megan pointed out.
"Anything?" Pest ask "Anything!" Both girls said at once.
"Fine. Ashlee's got mossy teeth, flees, and a fat tail base!" Pest said as he smilled.
"Pest!" Megan slapped him.
"These jeans make me look fat." Ashlee pounted.
"No, Ashlee Your fat butt makes you looks fat." Pest said to his girlfriend's friend.
Of couse the last comment he made got Megan to leave the conga line.
"Oh baby, I'm sorry. There's nothing more I want to do than be with my girlfriend's parents." Pest said as he chased after her.
"So come on, Let's reschedule a site for tomorrow. Huh, blue wings?" Pest said trying make up for last night.
"Can't do it" Chubby said as dances by. "Why not?" Pest ask his grovyle friend.
"Ka baz pi do goon. " Ninja come up explaining to him.
"So?" Pest asked his pikachu friend "Pika porty!" Ninja said as come up with the main point.
"Well, char ba meleon freek?! Oh dang baby, what a dufus! What a freak! I totally forgot--"
"Just forget it. I'm outta here" Megan pounted as she enterupped Pest and walks away.
"Oh no, Meggie-poo, come on baby. I'll skip my previous commitment." Pest said as he starts to dance with her.
"Really? You'll come to dinner?" the red dragoness ask with puppy-dog eyes.
"Absofreakinglutely. I'll make your parents love me and ask me to marry you." the charmeleon replied.
"How are going do that?" Megan ask as she giggle
"I'll tell 'em you're pregnant." Pest said "What?" Megan yelled out loud.
"He'll tell 'em you're pregnant. What?" Ninja and chubbes come out of no where mokking her.
"Pest-man, we gotta go. Sorry." Ninja said as Chubby garb hold of Pest.
"All right. Love, peace and chicken grease, I love you, baby!" Pest said as he was carried away.
"You're pregnant?!" Ashlee said as she come out of the blue. "Oh Ashlee." Megan sighed.
*****
Pest and he's two friends are now in a diffrent area of the festival with a Mexican band playing for the crowed and a few guys playing with a soccer ball.
Pest is seen in the crowed behind a black pokadot table with three empty coconut shells. He himself has his sunglasses on and a sign hanging around his neck saying "I AM BLIND".
"Ladies and Gentlemen, step right up. Money is flying out of my pocket. Come play the lucky coconut shell game. There's a winner born every minute." Pest spoke in loud voice so the people can he him.
"Yo, man, I got $20 that says I can find that ball." Chubby said as he waves a real $20 bill.
"Okey, folks, we've got a taker." Pest said to the crowed before his hands moved lighting fast, mixing the coconut shells.
"Crossmyhand,Ifooltherichman,poorman, but not the policeman." The char morph spoked as fast as he mixed the shelles.
"Which shell is it under? You must tell me because I'm blind." Pest said as he stopes mixing up the shells.
All of the sudden, the soccer ball that the group of men where playing with fly toward Pest's face but he was able to catch in mid-air.
"Hey, soccer boy, come here. Yeah, you." Pest waved to last person who kicked the ball but in the wrong direction. "Hey" the man said as he walked toward him.
"Oh, there you are." Pest said as he looked toward the older charizard anthro. "If you were blind, How'd you catch that ball?" he asked.
"Telepathy. You lose one sense, you gain another." the charmeleon said, keeping his act up.
"So, how'd you know I was a male?" the older char asked. "I could hear your gonads shaking." Pest said at loud.
"You know, you should wear more support, shorty." Pest said in almost a wisper but loud enough for everyone could hear.
As the Charizard morph made his bet on the game, the germen machoke and his buttler are still sreaching through the crowed.
Mr. Shank's binoculars soon landed on the charizard morph near Pest's table.
"Maybe, maybe. Yeah, that's more like it." The machoke yelled "That is the specimen I went. Find out all you can about him, and I'll make the nececssary preparations." Mr. Shank said as he pointed to the charizard before he hand his binoculars to Leo.
"Yes Mr. Shank" the humen said as the machoke left. He looks through binoculars at the direction his boss pointed toward and saw Pest instead.
"Oh! What a pathetic choice." He said to himself as he watch.
"Which shell is it under?" Pest ask the older char morph as he stop mixing the shells again. The charizard tap the one in the middle.
"Ah. Sorry, sucker, you lose." Pest said as he moved the shell back and froth before he lift it to show nothing.
"No, you lose, brah!" said a Scottish humen with a Scottish slowking morph, both of them are wharing Scottish clothing.
All the people back off a few feet as the Scottemen knock down the table.
"Did I hear something fall? Knock, knock. Who's there?" Pest ask as he wave his hands in font of him.
"We work for Angus. Are you Pest Vargas?" the Scottish slowking asked. "Are you the doctor?" Pest ask.
He placed has clawed hands agenst the humen and starts to feel around his face. "Oh, my, Grandma, what large pores you have. Definitely not a plastic surgeon." the teenage char said trying to be funny.
"Oh, my God, you're hideous. Repulsive, even! And you have a lump! You poor misshapen creature!" Pest said as he lefted up the humen's kilt to revile a gun. "Well, we can still profit from your misfortune." the teen said as he grap a white cane.
"Steap right gentlemen. For $1, take a picture with the freakise Elephant Man in a kilt!" Pest said out loud before make his getta-way.
"Do something! You know karate!" Chuppy yelled at his pikachu friend as they watch Pest being chased around by the Scottmen.
Unfortunately for Pest, there was no gap in the crowed and the Scottish hitmen caught up to him. The human grab him by the arms and hold toward his slowking patner.
"Angus wants his money." The Scottish slowking demanded.
"You wouldn't hit a blind man, would you?" he ask as he was tossed forward with his sunglasses falling off.
Hitman punch him in the face sanding him back to the human Scottman.
"How do you feel about asthmatics? I can't breathe!" Pest said as he pates his cheats like he was out of breath but he gettes punch again.
"Emotionally-challenged people? Ha ha ha, he he he." He said as he gets back up only to get punch again.
"What about epileptics? Hold my tongue!" Pest said as he fake a stroke. The slowking started to kicking The Pest now.
"Get 'em!" Chuppy yelled as he saw Ninja run out behind the hitmen. "You guys are in trouble now." Ninja said.
Ninja pulled the hitmen way from he's charmeleon friend. "Don't worry Pest. Chubby and I will take care of them!" Ninja said out load.
"Chubby and I?" The grovyle asked.
As two mob hanch men turn towardes Ninja and Chubby, Pest reach up with both hands and got hold of both their kilt's.
"Let's air out our differences, fellas." Pest said as he rippes off their kilt's.
The cowed started laughing at them as two hitmen just stand there in their underpants, embarrassed, mostly the human since he's wharing women's panties.
The three friends desided to make their get-way, with them splitting up.
Pest want down a alley and stop by a go-kart, he gettes out a orang unaform and a wig and chang into before he goes in the Chinese restaurant near by.
Unknowen to him as he goes to work is that Leo, the germen, human buttler, was watching him and wrighting down the phonenumber off the delivery kart.
****
As Pest went through the beeded door-way, he made his way toward a table for the employees, picking up a chinies bowel and a pair of chope stickes and started to eat the rice that was place in the bowel for him, but his boss, a 40 year old Chinese human caught sight of him as he sit down.
"Ahhh! My favorite delivery boy. What happened to you? You late!" His boss yelled.
"Ah, chin bonie chu..." Pest said in Chinese. "Nun fon kuichie fu gonya" his boss spoke as he pointed at his watch.
"Disa doy.." Pest said "Kesa bukchi!" his boss replied "Meloveyoulongtime. Mesohorny kochu." Pest said.
"Wait. Why I don't unerstand any of your Chinese?" his boss question him.
"I from south. Different dialect. Right? Everybody know that it's different dialect." Pest said as he went back to his rice.
"So am I. I am from south, too." His boss said.
"I from far, far, far, south. Eat some grits, y'all." Pest laughed.
"Wherever you come from, you late for last time." his Boss said as he pointed at him. "You know, You don't look Chinese. You look like Moe from Three Stooges. I fire your ass." His boss said as he walked away towards the kitchen.
"Oh please, give me onother chance! I'll never do it again, I promise. You don't know the troubles I've seen! I'''ve got a sick grandmother." Pest beg as he garpes the Chinese man's leg.
"Listen. I've got a good excuse this time. Listen to this." Pest said as they went in to the kitchen.
"Okey, I was walking my pet dog..." Pest sees a semis cat anthro cutting off the head of a roasted duck.
"Duck. My pet duck! When he ranned off on me, I was about to..." Pest said before he looked up at all the roasted ducks hanging on hookes.
"OH, MY GOD! Quacky! Quacky! What have they dided to you?" Pest cried. "Which one is he?" Pest asked the cat.
"I don't know" The cheif replied. "Oh, god. they all look the same! I'll have to call my lawyer and tell him I can't find my Quacky." Pest said.
With the machine of a lawyer, both the cheif and the owner got worried.
"This must be Quacky, with that sweet little smile. Gimme that!" Pest yelled as he yanked off the cats red rag that he was wearing around his neck. Pest then rap it around the head of a roasted duck.
"Poor little Quacky. Don't worry. I'll bury in France just like you all ways wanted." Pest cried over the fake pet.
"You kill Quacky?" Pest's boss ask the cheif. "NO! I, I, I might have." the cat said as he was little bit confussed.
"But why?" the owner ask as he started to smack the cheif on top his head "I'm sorry." the cat yelld out.
"Mr. Cheung?" Pest called for his boss. "Can I talk to you?" the teenage char asked. "Yes." He replied as he turn his gaze toward the fire type. "Can I talk to you over here?" Pest said as he seafted a bit. "Over here?" his boss asked.
"No, over here." Pest said as toke a stape said ways "Okay." Mr. Cheung said as he went with him.
"Can I use your office phone?" Pest asked. "Not call your lawryer?" His boss replied.
"Not yet. First I have to call my family and tell them about, about Quacky." Pest cried.
"Yes, of course, of course." Mr. Cheung said as he lead the charmeleon to his office.
"Don't worry. I'll take care of you. Anything you need, just let me know." His boss said as he being nice to him.
"Okay, there is one thing." Pest said "Yes." Mr. Cheung said as he listen clossely.
"Quacky always wanted to be served extra-crispy. Could you do that?" Pest ask. "No problem." His boss replied.
"No MSG? And an extra order of rice?" Pest ask "Sure." His boss replied. "Thank you." Pest said.
"You're very welcome. Don't worry. I take care of you." Mr. Cheung said as he walk away leaving Pest in his office.
"You're wonderful. Really." Pest said as he watch his boss walk off.
Pest then turn toward the phone and dailed a number for a bar.
Meanwhile, at the Scottish bar, a Scottish Hariyama waved his hand to stop the bag-pipe band from playing.
"Hello." He said as he picked up the phone. "Angusie?" replied the person on the other side of the line.
"Pest." Angus said as he remenber the owner of the voice.
"You rapscallion! You naughty man, you! I'm hurted that you sent your ruffians after me. I was gonna surprise you with a check-a-rony." Pest said as he speek through the receiver.
"You listen up. You've owed me $50,000 for three weeks! You'd showe more respect if we were the Italian mob." Angus said.
"Oh, please. Don't start that again." Pest said before he toke a bit of a apple on his boss'es desk.
"Just because we're Scottish, people don't take us seriously." Angus said only to hear Pest burbed on the other side.
"People will take us seriously when they see what we do to you." Angus said in a low and threating voice.
"Angusie, homeinsky! All I need is time." Pest said.
"You know what today is?" Angus ask. "The first day of the rest of our lives?" Pest ask back. "No." Angus said.
"Sean Connery's birthday?" Pest ask the second time. "Sean Connery's birthday?" Angus question.
"Sean Connery's birthday!" said a Scotty dog anthro whos' in the band.
The band begain to play "Hes a jolly good fellower" on their bag-pipes as angus sweatdropped and Pest gave a questionable look at the phone.
As the band stop playing, Angus but the phone back to his ear. "Listen. Today is Monday. I want all the money by Wednesday or I'll kill your whole famliy." Angus threaten.
"How 'bout Thursday, and you just take out a cousin?" Pest said. "Kzzz. Oh, bad connection. Or, I. kzzz I bring you the cash. Kzz. I can't. Kzz. What ever." Pest said as he hanges up the phone.
"Extra-crispy. Just like you wanted." Pest's boss comes up with a plate of food.
"My poor Quacky." the teenage char said as he started up the water workes again. He takes a peace of fried duck and eats it.
"My poor Quacky. Can I get extra plum sauce?" Pest ask.
"You have no time for this. You have delivery to do! Go! Hurry!" Mr. Cheung as he hand over a bag of Chinese food to go.
Pest gets on his go-kart and drive toward the address on the bag, which was in a rich neighborhood.
****
In a big white mansion the germen machoke, Gustav Shank , is waiting for his prey to arive at his house.
"Soon I shall return to dank splendor of the homeland and be away from all this nauseating pastel." Gustav said to himself.
His buttler, Leo comes up to him with some newes "Excuse me Mr. Shank. Your Chinese food has arrived." Leo reproted.
"Oh yummy! Where?" Gustav asked, the human pointed over the of the 2nd floor they where on.
Gustav looks over to see the teenage charmeleon, Pest, playing racket ball with the house big, thick windows.
"What is that?" Gustav ask. "That's the one you requested. You know, the blind Char." Leo replied.
"I most certainly did not! I wanted the athletic Char!" Said the machoke. "But you pointed at him" Leo said.
"Why would I pick a blind man?" Gustav yelled as he was very anoid.
"Sir, he's not really blind" Leo pointed out. "He's a scam artist. A very fast and agile one. Mr. Vargas here runs numbers out of his Chinese restaurant, but unfortunately some of his own bets turned sour" Leo continued.
"How zour?" Gustav asked "He owes the Scottish mob $50,000." Leo replied "I didn't know there was a Scottish mob!" Gustav said.
"If he doesn't pay in two days, they'll kill him." Leo pointed out. Gustav then started to rethink about this teenage charmeleon.
Pest has stop playing with the hackie-sack he was using for racket ball and stuffing richley valuables in his delivery bag and his pockets.
As soon as he saw the Germen machoke getting out of the houses elevator, quickly sat down on the sofa, grabing a open box of Chinese food and slorp a little bit of chau main.
"Hello!" Gustav greeted the char anthro.
"Hi! Just doing our compliantly MSG test. Everything seems to pass inspection, Mr. Man. That's $52.23 for the food and a $100 delivery charge 'cause I don't noramlly come out to this neighborhood." Pest said as he lick his lips.
"Why is that? You afraid of rich people?" Gustav ask as he pulled out a clock from Pest's pocket.
"Yeah ha. "Cause your carry diseases that my species don't have immunities for." said Pest.
"Perhaps you're just being...PARanoid." said Gustav.
"Dang, Could you back off? You spit when you talk and I'm very susceptible to airborn syphilises and whatnot." Pest said as he walked around the caffee table with a disgusted face.
"Pest. Is that your name or personality trait?" Gustav ask as he saw his name tag while he removed his bag from his shoulder.
"While, my real name is Pestario Rivera Beach Espinoza Juan Marcos Neruda Salsa Picante Vargas. But you can me Pestario. Pest, for shorter." At that time Pest leanded his face forword and spit in Gustav's face "Now we're even." Pest laughed.
Atfer digging his stuff back out, Gustav handed back Pest's bag.
"What is a Charmelon boy doing delivering Chinese food?" Gustav ask, just making chit-chat.
"Chinese food?" Pest ask in confussin. "Oh, my God! The MSG, the chopsticks, the disappearing dogs! Now it all makes sense. And I thought they were eccentric Mexicans. What a fool! What a prev! What a sucker-butt!" Pest said.
Pest then flabbed down on the lazy boy behind him. He also noticed a picture of a female zangoose near by.
"Oh, a hot wench! Yeah , baby!" Pest said as he pickes it up and licks the picture.
"Thats my wife!" Gustav grunted through his teeth.
"Oopss. My bad." Pest
"You know, I zaw you earlier today on the street." Gustav pointed out as he moved to sit down on the sofa. "You did?" Pest asked.
"Of couse you probably didn't see me because you were...blind at the time." said the machoke.
"So you unearthed my horrible secret. I am blind! I am!" Pest said as he got up and started to running all over the room, waving his hands in the air, ramming into thing and knocking down smell statures that were placed on a self.
"I've been blind to other people's faults. Please don't tell! I was going to become dumpling boy next week." Pest said as he falls face first in the open space of the sofa next to Gustav.
"Why isn't a smart boy like you....in college?" Gustav asked. "Well it's a little painful discussion realy." Pest begains as he takes a cigar from Gustav's pocket.
"I hit puberty in the first grade, and there's only so many times a seven-year-old can be called... "fire hose" before he cracks." Pest said as he slappes his leg.
"That's really too bad becausemy family provides a $50,000 cash scholarship to minority students and I thought..." Gustav said as he pulles out a ward of $100 bills and settes it on the caffee table.
"$50,000?" Pest asked in disbelive.
"Yeah." said Gustav.
"$50,000?" the char morph ask again.
"Yup, that's it." Gustav said as he hand over a $100 bill to the fire type.
"Will look at that. Look at that. Will you touch it? The fire hose is gone!" said Pest.
"It's a miracle. Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! I want to learn! I want to go to school!" Pest shouted out loud.
"You do?" Gustav asked. "Yes." Pest replies.
"Good! I'm so glad you're so eager! Oh, let us celebrate, all right?" said the Germen machoke as he graps a lightter out of his pocket and lights the cigar that Pest still has.
"Of course I have to administer a few small tests before you qualify." Gustav pointed out. "Test?" Pest asked.
***
One of these test has Pest strap to a rotating table and of couse he is having a blast.
"Hey, can I get one of these tables for my dorm room? Turn it up! this fun. Come on." Pest laughed.
Through a small window of the sitts Gustav and Leo at the control bouth.
"All right Leo, crank it up." Gustav comanded. Leo turn the dail on the dash broad from Med. to fast.
The table then begain to back up more speed, turning the char morph's yell's of fun to moans of sickness.
"Wait a minute. I don't feel so well. I fell kinda..." Pest said. the next thing Gustav know is that the glass got covred on green cunkes of goo. Gustav just mark this test, failed.
The next test had Pest in a exorcize machine for the legs with Gustav and Leo standing on both sides.
"You will do as many repetitions as you can manage in on minute. Go!" As Gustav give the word, Leo pulled out the weight pin cousing the machine to pull the Pest's legges wide apart, painfully.
"One" Pest screeched. Again, failed.
"Are you ready?" Gustav asked. Another test had them in a indoor tennise court, to test the Pest athletic skills.
Pest rashed his reaket to showe that he was. Leo tossed a tennise ball in the ball gun, flainning it at the Pest, hitting him in the forehead.
"Okey, I wan't ready. Lets try again." Pest said as he gettes back up.
Again Leo had ball gun shout another ball at him and yet again hittes him in the head. Ball after ball Pest kept getting hit by them, he even try to covrer his face with his racket and still he got hit in the face. Soon he pass out, leaving Gustav very anoid.
"He's the worst candidate we have ever had." said Gustav.
***
Night has now fallin, and Pest is done with these test but he is waiting for results now and desided to play a little pool.
He is seen trearling around a pool stick as he waited for Leo to get done with setting up billiard balls on the neon pool table.
"I will show you the shot that won me the reform school championship and the tag "8-Ball Kid." Are you watching?"
Pest said as aim his stick at the white cue ball.
Just then, Gustav came walking in with a martini in his right hand.
"Pest!" Gustav yalled out. Diverting his attention away from the game, Pest still hit the cue ball but too low and to hard cousing it to fly off the table and crashing through Gustav's glass like a rocket.
"I'm sorry. I'm awful sorry. But I know you don't care because you Germans are the greatest!" Pest said as him and Leo walked toword Gustav.
"Next time if hear I hear somebody saying that Germans are humorless people. I'm gpnna tell them to come to this house. Al'right." Pest laughed.
"Pest, I have to tell that.." Gustav started talking but got interrupt by Pest.
"So you started a few wars, al'right? Actually, you started every war. I mean who's counting? It's not like you ever won one!" Pest said as he depants Leo. "We kicked France's ass." Leo said before bends down to his pants back up.
"Oh, please! Who doesn't, right?" Pest laughed.
"Pest! Your scores were so abysmal that..." Gustav tries to speak again before Pest interruptes him again.
"And your women! So you dig fat chicks. What do the rest of us care? We don't have to touch them. Right? You know what it's like?
It's like riding a moped.It's fun till your friends catch you doing it. Don't tell that laughing boy." said Pest.
"You failed!" Gustav yelled out. "You lost the scholarship. You can't go." said Gustav with Pest copying him.
"Stop repeating what I'm saying." Gustav and Pest said at the same time. "I mean it!" both of them grunted.
Gustav is starting to get very anoid with Pest doing eveything that he was doing.
"All right, all right , okay! You're the ideal candidate for the scholarship. Mwa ha ha ha." Both laughed.
Both keeping eyeing each other for a while untill Pest thrust his head forword and yalling out "BOO".
"I am? I am? Oh, snap! Oh, joy!" Pest yelled out as he started to dancing around with his victory dance.
Leo walked up to Gustav, asking something in German.
"I can't think of anything I would rather do before returning to the homeland than ridding the earth of this creature!" Gustav grunted through his teeth as he look back to the still dancing charmeleon boy.
"Go get the contract." Gustav said as he grand his teeth. He then turn his attention toword Pest.
"Pest, time to sign the contract." Gustav callled out in a coulm and kind matter.
After taking the contract from Leo, Gustav handed it to Pest who eager to have it alone with a pin.
As Pest and Gustav sat down on a near by sofa, he begain to look for the dotted line to sign on.
"Yoooo! I toke a legal correspondence course and I'm only two credits away. And I don't know all stuff about maiming and death is." Pest said as he reades the paragarph.
"It's just legal mumbo jumbo." Gustav explained. "All right." Pest said as went back to froam untill he come acroos another paragarph.
"What's this about "I waive my leagal rights" and whatnot?" Pest asked.
"Some kid sued us last year over a stubbed toe, so we had to add it. Just sign."said Gustav.
"All right." Pest said as hw went back to paper.
"What's this all about... " Pest starting to ask ask again but Gustav garp thr froam and try to pull out of char's hands.
"OKEY! So you don't want the $50,000." Gustav yelled "I do want it!" Pest yelled back as he try to pulled away from Gustav.
"College is a big commitment." Gustav yelled "I'll be committed." Pest yelled back.
"We'll give it to someone else." Gustav grunted "Give it to me." Pest said as he pulled the froam free from Gustav.
Gustav was about to chase him but Leo got between them with a couble of glass full of campaign.
"Perhaps a toast?" Leo said out loud. He gives one glass to Gustav while Pest used his back for a table and sign the contract.
Pest looked over Leo's shoulder and stickes out his tong.
"I'm in like sin." Pest said as he hands over the contract.
"Now, we have a little tradition that all the winners join me for a little gentlemanly hunt on my private island." Gustav said trying to sound dignified.
"Oh goody. What are we gonna hunt?" Pest asked as he rubes his hands to gather.
"Deer." Gustav replied but at the same time Leo said "Goose." "Deergoose." said Leo.
"Ja. Dergoose. We hunt da deergoose. It's..." Gustav said as he was trying to find the right words.
"Indigenous." Leo corrected him. "Indigenous to my island." Gustav said as he finaly finished.
"To the hurt!" Pest cheared as he rise his glass. "To da hunt." Leo yelled. All three made the toast but for some unknowen reason.
When Pest was finished with his drink, he tossed the empty glass into a picture of some German officare, knocking it down to floor.
"Sorry." Pest said as the two German give hima cold starer.