Pokemon Sexuality
Good evening, my name is Dr. Matt, and I will be talking to you about Pokemon genitalia.
Why, you ask? Why am I here, talking about Pokemon genitals and not out having a life or a job? Well, my truck recently got into a wreck and my phone is out, currently cutting me off from the outside world save for this. Once I have retained my internet, I'll show this to you.
Which is now, I assume.
Sorry, I'm tired.
Anyway, our first subject should be the widest array, the Field mating group.
Field:
The largest group, for good reason. I speculate that the Field group inhabits all the animal-like Pokemon, ranging from cats to dogs to mice to horses and so on so forth. Also to mammal-like aquatic denisens, such as Wailord, who, like the real-life blue whale, have a penis.
It's strange, however, that something like say a Rapidash could mate with something like say a Skitty. It stands to reason that Pokemon, being strange and mysterious creatures, handle this in their own way. I imagine it involves imbibing much alchohol and asprin, though.
In summary, the Field group is akin to real life animals.
Moving on to our next topic, Flying:
Flying Pokemon don't necessarily have the regularly recognized penis or vagina, but instead have a slit that joins with the sexual partners slit when the babymaking begins. However, our real life swans do have a penis, so this brings in to question what Pokemon may match this exception to the rule?
The answer? Farfetch'd
He is a part of both flying and field mating groups, so it stands to reason that a male farfetch'd would have a dong.
A duck dong.
Sorry, still tired, moving on.
Bugs: These creepy-crawlers, while have a sex, do not have an obvious sexual distinction. That is to say, I don't believe they have a penis. I could be wrong, but hey, I haven't brought a bug's rear end under a microscope. I may be a doctor, but come on.
Anyway, when bugs do mate, they seem to combine together as the whole sexual fluid exchange takes place. It is reasonable to assume the same for Pokemon as well.
But wait!
What about Flygon?
Flygon looks like a dragon, but has only one mating type, Bug. Many fanfics portray them as having penises and vaginas and what not, but perhaps they do not. Granted, the artistic liscense means that none of this really matters, I'm just sayin'.
Flygons are still bug Pokemon, however, and it stands to reason that they should probably mate in a similar fasion of our true-to-life bugs. I have a theory (one that I can't prove, of course, but I'm a doctor, dammit) that Flygon (at least male Flygon) have their reproductive organs in their tails. Insects with tails, such as dragonflys, usually combine the tip of their own body with the tip of their mate and spiral in midair. Considering Flygon is similar in that respect, perhaps they too mate by joining their tails.
Don't think about it too much.
AGNPH....
Yeah, nevermind that.
ANYWAY on to the next group:
Human-like
....
If you don't at least have an idea of how this might work, you might need to retake your sex-ed class.
Or take it to begin with for you 12 year-olds who lurk in the shadows behind the "I Accept that I am over 18" button.
I've been there.
Well, trusting that you know how your body works
(And how to take care of it)
(Sorry, I'm a doctor, I have to do stuff like that)
I'll move on to the next issue.
Amorphous.
Hmm....you know, I'm not completely sure how this works...
Let's just say that it's like two clouds...and something happens....
Boom, sex.
Moving on again.
Grass:
Just think pollenation. It's probably a safe bet to assume that anything that just has the Grass mating group does not have any genitalia, but you can still tell the sex by certain flowers or something like that.
Dammit, I'm a doctor, not a flourist!
Monster:
Think Godzilla. Now imagine Godzilla with a cock.
Cawkzilla.
Give something else for those Asians to point at, that's for sure.
Just think big. I really have no material to go on other than that.
Dragon:
Imagine-okay, that's the easy way out.
But honestly, there is no real method of defining this as we have no material save for other artist's renditions. I personally like the one done by Vermilion (or the artist of the dragon pic Morning Flight that Vermilion might have colored instead of drawn. I dunno), where there is a bulb a the tapered head, a horse-like shaft, and a small tube that ejects from the tip during orgasm.
Particular reasons? I don't know. Perhaps so that they can mate and fly at the same time without having to worry about staying in.
Fairy:
You ever play one of the newer Sonic the Hedgehog games?
Ever seen a chao?
Ever see a chao have sex?
It's not even sex, really. It's just a little dance followed by the spontaneous appearance of an egg.
See, the fairy type pokemon, usually the cutesy looking ones, would either appear strange or downright creepy having sexual relations, so, like a chao, the mated pair dance and sing with each other to create offspring.
It's probably also true that Fairy breeds are polygamous, their mating usually consisting of something to ellicit joy and happiness and what not. One would assume that they do it often, with other pokemon, the resulting offspring being cared for and tought their giddy little ways.
Kinda creepy when you think about it...
Like that Raze's Hell game.
I would not want to live in a world run by happiness and joy. Especially one lacking real sex.
But would it be a better world?
One without rape or other non-consensual sex?
Unless you count the forced-square dances, though.
Hmm... Something to think about.
Well, you can, as for me, I'm moving on to Minerals.
When two rocks love each other, they lay down simple mineral sediments off their own body. The sediments combine and form a new life withen a while, at about the speed it takes for a crystal to grow.
Makes you look at your pet rock in a whole new light, doesn't it?
Haha, you have a pet rock.
You lonely bastard.
.....
I have a blue and red one. I named it Rocky.
MOVING ON
Ok, the final stretches of the race. We have the Gender Unknowns, the three Waters, and the Nones.
Gender Unknown:
Hey, to each his/her own. I'm not here to judge people, I'm a doctor.
None (Or unmatables):
Depending on the Pokemon, you can say that they have genders. Of course, Latios and Latias have genders, they just make them unmatable so you can't abuse their awesome power. The same holds true for the other Legendaries. If you want to imagine Rayquaza with a cawk the size of a truck, that's your perogative.
Again, I don't judge people. I'm a doctor.
And now the waters.
Water1:
Similar to bugs, this set has a bonding mating ritual. Akin to seahorses and such, this method is probably as close to penis/vagina sex the water style is gonna get. Lapras, Poliwrath, it's safe to assume that these pokemon mate with clearly defined naughty bits.
Water2:
Fish sex. It's not really sex at all. It's more about the fertilization. The female goes and lays the eggs while the male sits in the corner and jerks it before going to spread his semen over the eggs.
It's a passionless exchange.
Akin to marriage, I would say.
Water3:
This includes jellyfish, crustacians, and similar mating habits that I'm not really that familiar with. I have never seen a jellyfish or crab have sex.
Probably boring, though.
Even with tentacles, I doubt a Tentacruel and an Octillery would make a hot sex couple.
Can you hear the artists drawing as you read this?
Well, and that's it-
OH!
One more issue:
Ditto
He just a love machine, baby.
Ok, now THAT is everything.
I'de like to thank you for your time and patience.
This isn't how I normally write, but hey, I'm bored and I feel like doing something funny and informative for the masses.
You want my other stuff, visit my YiffStar page. I'm Z-Byte
Anyway, I'm glad if you enjoyed this, and please feel free to use this information in any fics you plan on writing. If you do, drop me a line and I'll be happy to read your work.
I'm looking at you, guy-who-makes-that-flash-pokedex-about-Pokemon-sex-that-I-can't-remember-the-name-of-at-this-time.
Also, feel free to drop me a question or two. I like to challenge myself to think in different ways, and I get a strange high off of solving meaningless riddles.
Thank you for playing.
Doctor Matt
P.S. Doctor Matt is not a real doctor, he just calls himself that after beating Trauma Center, Under the Knife.
P.P.S. F*ck you, Kyriaki!
Why, you ask? Why am I here, talking about Pokemon genitals and not out having a life or a job? Well, my truck recently got into a wreck and my phone is out, currently cutting me off from the outside world save for this. Once I have retained my internet, I'll show this to you.
Which is now, I assume.
Sorry, I'm tired.
Anyway, our first subject should be the widest array, the Field mating group.
Field:
The largest group, for good reason. I speculate that the Field group inhabits all the animal-like Pokemon, ranging from cats to dogs to mice to horses and so on so forth. Also to mammal-like aquatic denisens, such as Wailord, who, like the real-life blue whale, have a penis.
It's strange, however, that something like say a Rapidash could mate with something like say a Skitty. It stands to reason that Pokemon, being strange and mysterious creatures, handle this in their own way. I imagine it involves imbibing much alchohol and asprin, though.
In summary, the Field group is akin to real life animals.
Moving on to our next topic, Flying:
Flying Pokemon don't necessarily have the regularly recognized penis or vagina, but instead have a slit that joins with the sexual partners slit when the babymaking begins. However, our real life swans do have a penis, so this brings in to question what Pokemon may match this exception to the rule?
The answer? Farfetch'd
He is a part of both flying and field mating groups, so it stands to reason that a male farfetch'd would have a dong.
A duck dong.
Sorry, still tired, moving on.
Bugs: These creepy-crawlers, while have a sex, do not have an obvious sexual distinction. That is to say, I don't believe they have a penis. I could be wrong, but hey, I haven't brought a bug's rear end under a microscope. I may be a doctor, but come on.
Anyway, when bugs do mate, they seem to combine together as the whole sexual fluid exchange takes place. It is reasonable to assume the same for Pokemon as well.
But wait!
What about Flygon?
Flygon looks like a dragon, but has only one mating type, Bug. Many fanfics portray them as having penises and vaginas and what not, but perhaps they do not. Granted, the artistic liscense means that none of this really matters, I'm just sayin'.
Flygons are still bug Pokemon, however, and it stands to reason that they should probably mate in a similar fasion of our true-to-life bugs. I have a theory (one that I can't prove, of course, but I'm a doctor, dammit) that Flygon (at least male Flygon) have their reproductive organs in their tails. Insects with tails, such as dragonflys, usually combine the tip of their own body with the tip of their mate and spiral in midair. Considering Flygon is similar in that respect, perhaps they too mate by joining their tails.
Don't think about it too much.
AGNPH....
Yeah, nevermind that.
ANYWAY on to the next group:
Human-like
....
If you don't at least have an idea of how this might work, you might need to retake your sex-ed class.
Or take it to begin with for you 12 year-olds who lurk in the shadows behind the "I Accept that I am over 18" button.
I've been there.
Well, trusting that you know how your body works
(And how to take care of it)
(Sorry, I'm a doctor, I have to do stuff like that)
I'll move on to the next issue.
Amorphous.
Hmm....you know, I'm not completely sure how this works...
Let's just say that it's like two clouds...and something happens....
Boom, sex.
Moving on again.
Grass:
Just think pollenation. It's probably a safe bet to assume that anything that just has the Grass mating group does not have any genitalia, but you can still tell the sex by certain flowers or something like that.
Dammit, I'm a doctor, not a flourist!
Monster:
Think Godzilla. Now imagine Godzilla with a cock.
Cawkzilla.
Give something else for those Asians to point at, that's for sure.
Just think big. I really have no material to go on other than that.
Dragon:
Imagine-okay, that's the easy way out.
But honestly, there is no real method of defining this as we have no material save for other artist's renditions. I personally like the one done by Vermilion (or the artist of the dragon pic Morning Flight that Vermilion might have colored instead of drawn. I dunno), where there is a bulb a the tapered head, a horse-like shaft, and a small tube that ejects from the tip during orgasm.
Particular reasons? I don't know. Perhaps so that they can mate and fly at the same time without having to worry about staying in.
Fairy:
You ever play one of the newer Sonic the Hedgehog games?
Ever seen a chao?
Ever see a chao have sex?
It's not even sex, really. It's just a little dance followed by the spontaneous appearance of an egg.
See, the fairy type pokemon, usually the cutesy looking ones, would either appear strange or downright creepy having sexual relations, so, like a chao, the mated pair dance and sing with each other to create offspring.
It's probably also true that Fairy breeds are polygamous, their mating usually consisting of something to ellicit joy and happiness and what not. One would assume that they do it often, with other pokemon, the resulting offspring being cared for and tought their giddy little ways.
Kinda creepy when you think about it...
Like that Raze's Hell game.
I would not want to live in a world run by happiness and joy. Especially one lacking real sex.
But would it be a better world?
One without rape or other non-consensual sex?
Unless you count the forced-square dances, though.
Hmm... Something to think about.
Well, you can, as for me, I'm moving on to Minerals.
When two rocks love each other, they lay down simple mineral sediments off their own body. The sediments combine and form a new life withen a while, at about the speed it takes for a crystal to grow.
Makes you look at your pet rock in a whole new light, doesn't it?
Haha, you have a pet rock.
You lonely bastard.
.....
I have a blue and red one. I named it Rocky.
MOVING ON
Ok, the final stretches of the race. We have the Gender Unknowns, the three Waters, and the Nones.
Gender Unknown:
Hey, to each his/her own. I'm not here to judge people, I'm a doctor.
None (Or unmatables):
Depending on the Pokemon, you can say that they have genders. Of course, Latios and Latias have genders, they just make them unmatable so you can't abuse their awesome power. The same holds true for the other Legendaries. If you want to imagine Rayquaza with a cawk the size of a truck, that's your perogative.
Again, I don't judge people. I'm a doctor.
And now the waters.
Water1:
Similar to bugs, this set has a bonding mating ritual. Akin to seahorses and such, this method is probably as close to penis/vagina sex the water style is gonna get. Lapras, Poliwrath, it's safe to assume that these pokemon mate with clearly defined naughty bits.
Water2:
Fish sex. It's not really sex at all. It's more about the fertilization. The female goes and lays the eggs while the male sits in the corner and jerks it before going to spread his semen over the eggs.
It's a passionless exchange.
Akin to marriage, I would say.
Water3:
This includes jellyfish, crustacians, and similar mating habits that I'm not really that familiar with. I have never seen a jellyfish or crab have sex.
Probably boring, though.
Even with tentacles, I doubt a Tentacruel and an Octillery would make a hot sex couple.
Can you hear the artists drawing as you read this?
Well, and that's it-
OH!
One more issue:
Ditto
He just a love machine, baby.
Ok, now THAT is everything.
I'de like to thank you for your time and patience.
This isn't how I normally write, but hey, I'm bored and I feel like doing something funny and informative for the masses.
You want my other stuff, visit my YiffStar page. I'm Z-Byte
Anyway, I'm glad if you enjoyed this, and please feel free to use this information in any fics you plan on writing. If you do, drop me a line and I'll be happy to read your work.
I'm looking at you, guy-who-makes-that-flash-pokedex-about-Pokemon-sex-that-I-can't-remember-the-name-of-at-this-time.
Also, feel free to drop me a question or two. I like to challenge myself to think in different ways, and I get a strange high off of solving meaningless riddles.
Thank you for playing.
Doctor Matt
P.S. Doctor Matt is not a real doctor, he just calls himself that after beating Trauma Center, Under the Knife.
P.P.S. F*ck you, Kyriaki!