Archie sighed. He hated the start of the meetings between the two of them, because he knew that they had about the same amount of power as each other. When they both met, there was generally three parts to the meeting. First, the fine wine would be served, while the staring/frowning contest took place between the two of them. Then, they would make pointless remarks about research. The reason they were pointless was because both of them had a very good spy network. The only reason they told each other was for the sake of tradition, as they both knew about it, and knew they both knew about knowing about it. The third part was always the best, even if they couldn't remember it afterwards.
When he was young, Archie remembered, his mother took him to see a man balance ten plates with thin wooden sticks. If he could've done the same trick with fifty plates, he would be ready to start training to be the leader of team Aqua. Dealing with idiots all day would be enough wear even the strongest constitution. One of the worst quotes had been; 'I'm gonna take a leak. I'll be outside.' Maybe it was the stereotype of gangs in poorly built buildings; maybe it was just because he was more of an idiot than the usual spanner he employed. But he actually swam outside so he could piss in public! It was one of the most embarrassing cautions he had ever been given, and it was all because the idiot said that Archie had let him! Archie kicked a nearby stand angrily. The really annoying part was that the idiot was talking to another grunt!
He started walking at a quicker pace, his footsteps echoing down the hallways of the meeting point. As there were too many distractions in either of their territories, 'what the bloody ell is e doin ere?' they always met in the research center they both shared. If the general pea-brained cheap labour were going to fight, then it may as well be fair. A classic way to get more gadgets had been; 'But the others have loads of better stuff than us! We'll get battered!' Of course you will, you idiots. That was the fun part: watching. But the admins were the only ones Archie could trust, even if Matt did have a problem about ripping his shirt off at every encounter...
He kept walking, ignoring the cautious advances of scientists with acne problems. Kids are the future of tomorrow? Hah! They couldn't even stand up to him to greet him! One scientist, slightly braver than the rest, bumped into him while he turned a corner. It was time to deal with the pent-up frustration of the day.
"What the HELL was that for? I could have you executed today if you don't watch were you're going!"
Gods, it was fun to do that. To know you're the one in power, to know they don't stand a chance against you in a battle, to know that your mightyena could rip him limb from limb... but pointless, quite pointless...
Finally, Archie reached the guarded room where the meeting was to happen, and after a brief I.D check, he was allowed into the very nearly empty room.
"Hello, Maxie. Been a while..."


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Data input complete.
Full name: Insert name here
Nickname: Tom
Age: 16
Description: Why won't you bloody well WORK? Oh crap, I wish this came with instructions
Registered battles: xsgvagvcagftsftsfd
Data input incorrect. Please see an administrator.

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Damn technology! This was only getting him angry! Bloody lucky there was an administrator, but even so, this was the fifth attempt of hitting buttons with colors that he liked now.
"Oi! If this thing doesn't work, then I want a refund! If it does, I want some money anyway!" Tom shouted in Joshes general direction, who sighed, and traversed his way through the wreckage of the lab, taking the pokédex from Tom, who waited impatiently, tapping his foot. Why not? That technique had worked on him.
"C'mon! I haven't got all day! I have battles and things," Tom said, lowering his voice quickly. "And I kind of want to keep my brain inside my head: these damn lesson hurt. Is this what it means, Sylva? No. No it isn't. Again with the pain, she always says. It's torture!"
What part of psychic do you not understand? Again with the pain.
"STOP! Too far, Sylva, too far! Don't you ever get tired of hurting me?"
You gave me a full restore, remember? Again with the pain.
"That is IT. You're taking this too far, Sylva. I'm only human!"
Sylva sighed. Well, alright then. It was kind of wearing me out. You can only hurt someone so many times.
"Thank god for that."
But I've still got enough power left for one more.
"Err..." he mumbled, before hastily changing the subject. "How's the pokédex coming along, Josh? Are we ready to go yet? Please say yes."
Joshes eyebrows, once again, looked knitted together. It was relatively normal for him, and was fun to watch. Or so Josh had said. Tom just didn't want to know what wasn't relatively normal.
"I keep telling you there's nothing wrong with this," Josh said, annoyed. "It's just that whenever you seem to touch it, it goes haywire."
"Honestly, I don't do it on purpose, wink wink nudge nudge."
"I'll bet. Try it now." Josh threw the pokédex back to Tom. "And I'm not fixing it again."
Tom sighed. He just knew that the same thing would happen as before...

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A.M technology: showing you the way forward. (Tom rolled his eyes.)
Thank you for using our new, high technology pokédex.
Data input complete.
Name: Insert name here.
Nickname: Tom
Age: 16
Gender: Male
Description: God only knows. Wander around doing what I want, I suppose.
Registered battles: 3
Wins: 3
Losses: 0
Draws: 0
Aim: To not die of unnatural causes. Learn pokémon language.
Suggested destination: Unknown


First pokémon.

Name: Sylva
Gender: Female
Species: Ralts
Its sort of like a: Feeling pokémon
Rarity: Somewhat
Level: 14
Type: Psychic
Nature: Bossy

What? Hang on, bossy isn't a nature!
Sylva had been looking over his shoulder, fascinated. "It is now." Tom said, grinning.

Child pokémon.
Height: 1'04
Weight: xbsdsdhbsdfhyugfdy

Tom looked at Sylva again. "Can you not do that? I'm not going to laugh. Honestly."
Tch, fine. You'd better not, though. And remember I can see into your mind.

Revised data.
Weight: 14.6lbs

Tom shook with the effort of holding in his laughter. It wasn't that she was fat; it was just that it was so typical of a girl to worry about her weight.
Okay, I'll let you laugh about that.
"Remember the talk we had about personal space?"
No. Continue!

Moves: Growl, confusion, double team.

"You know double team?" Tom said incredulously. "Why didn't you tell me?"
I didn't think you needed an update whenever I learned something new. I'll make sure to do it next time, sir. Let's keep going.
"I like that 'sir'; you should do it more often."
Shut up and press random buttons.
After mentally slapping himself for taking the topic too far, Tom clicked a red button, plainly because it was red. Everyone knows red buttons are there to be pressed.


Second pokémon

Name: Golde
Gender: Female
Species: Riolu
Its sort of like a: doggy! Alright, Mr Stern: emanation pokémon.
Rarity: Extremely. Can I have it?
Level: 13
Type: Fighting
Nature: Jolly
Height: 1'20
Weight: 14'8

Barely after he finished reading this, letters started flashing up on the screen, first in a language he had only seen when he once went to see the ruins of Alph (which was, as he remembered, 'Packed with exploratory fun and excitement!' It was there he learned how a lot of the time, brochures mean the opposite of what they actually mean. If a billboard was outside a barbers, advertising a free haircut, then they would make it as rushed as possible, then demand money. You didn't have to look outside to know that the billboard was either gone, or took 'small print' to the next level, making it: 'invisible-to-the-naked-eye print.'

Setup complete. Thank you for-

Tom closed the pokédex. It would probably not take long for it to have its own personality. He stood up looked around, and walked back over to Josh, who was trying to clear the mess by moaning at it: a well-known technique.
"Hey Joshee, Joshee Joshee Joshee..." Tom said, getting the Joshee in questions attention.
"What do you want now?"
"Erm, they're for some reason meditating right now, but can I have some personalized balls for them? You must have some down there, and the kinda deserve something for saving your life."
"I haven't got anything specialized for their species. This is a research laboratory, not a pokéball emporium. And you might have to leave this continent to be able to get a riolu-specialized ball. You saw how rare Golde is, the pokédex actually asked you for it, and I didn't program it to do that."
Tom sighed, disappointed. Doubtlessly he was going to get told off for this as well. He dipped into his limited reservoir of information regarding his image.
"Then how about ultra balls? Having them in ultra balls makes a statement."
"What kind of statement?"
"You really don't get out much, do you?"
"My studies to be professor don't let me, unfortunately," Josh said, pushing his glasses up in a nerdlike manner. "What do you mean, image?"
"It's bad enough to have to teach my miniature Buddhas over here," he said, jerking his thumb towards Sylva and Golde, who were meditating again, "but an older professor as well? Spare me."
"Sorry."
"You will be. If I had a pair of ultra balls attached to my belt, what do you think that makes the pokémon inside look like?"
"Not much, because you can't see them."
"For once in your life, think outside the box. When you were younger, didn't you ever worry about what people thought about you?"
"Err... no. I don't think so."
"Ok then... I don't think we're gonna get any further on this topic... do you have some ultra balls or not?"
"No, because they've all been taken apart. We're silly like that."
"What!"
"What? Am I not allowed to be stupid for once?"
"Of course not! You haven't got a life!"
Josh was silent for half a minute as he tried to think of a good reply. Tom imitated putting up a deckchair. Needless to say, Josh failed miserably.
"Touché." He said, resigned to his professorlike state of thinking. "We have normal poké balls; just take them instead."
Tom shrugged. He was probably going to get told off anyway for something he didn't do, so why bother arguing? He walked back over to the girls, who looked at him expectantly.
"What is it now?"
Ask Golde. I want to see how you've progressed.
Probably from an ingrained reaction, given to him by his past generations, Tom recognized that sinking feeling that could only be duplicated by an examiner with a handlebar mustache shouting out to the room, 'turn over your papers NOW.' (Probably not, but you've got the general idea.)
"Is this like a test? I don't want to get hurt if you're a bad teacher." He could see Sylva frowning, probably gearing up to hurt his head again, and thought quickly. "Not that I'm saying you are one. Did you know that punishment is least likely to work, next to negative and positive reinforcement?" The large words silenced her, just as Tom had hoped they would. As he celebrated inwardly for finding a weakness in Sylva, he turned to Golde.
"What is your name?"
'Riolu.'
Tom grinned happily. "I think I got that one! She's changed her name to riolu!" he kept talking, ignoring Goldes shaking head. "An excellent choice, I must admit. How original."
As he reflexively jumped backwards to avoid Sylvas kick, he mused over what he had actually heard. He had watched her body, watched her emotions, and he thought that he might actually be getting the hang of it. The trick wasn't to use what you heard, more what you saw. Still, it was much harder than learning another human language, but they had been practicing for four hours straight, while helping sort out the lab. If lounging around and reminding Josh who saved him counts as doing that. He deserved a break, and probably wasn't going to get one. So, as a middle ground, he had to leave, after pocketing four more poké balls than just those for Sylva and Golde. Surprisingly, Sylva didn't comment. Perhaps she was finally respecting his wishes...
Respecting your wishes? Hah! I just think that the more the merrier, so I can encourage them to act the same way I do to you.
"You're really good at making my life hell," Tom said gloomily. "Do you enjoy it?"
Hell yeah!
"Where did you learn to curse like that?" Tom said, trying to copy the look of a disappointed father.
Who are you, my constipated mother?
"Honestly, where did you learn these naughty words?"
Are you patronizing me? Imagining I'm five years old?
"Yep, because this supports my mental image of a miniature evil that I'm creating for you. It had to be someone."
And you chose me? Hang on, that would so rock at Halloween! I say 'Give me candy.' If they refuse, I attack their brain! I could've done with being a ghost or dark type, but you can't have everything...
Silently, Tom returned Golde to her ball, and began to leave the lab. Golde cottoned on, keeping quiet.
And then they would be all like, 'Oh no, take the candy, please!' And then I would laugh evilly, and then take all the candy they have! I could be like, 'the miniature devil of Halloween!' You could help me too, couldn't- Tom? TOM! Where are you, you git?



"Got any fives, Archie?"
"Nawwww. Have you got any fives, and a biscuit?"
"Yes. Looks like you win again. But I think that if we play the game, we should have actual cards instead of imagining them?"
Archies face screwed up for the moment as he thought about it. Then, he grinned happily at Maxie, who did his best to keep his composure.
"You're a...a...a clever boy!"
I'm 25 you idiot! You're the one who keeps knocking yourself out with alcohol, cheap alcohol at that, and you call ME a boy? Oh, how close he was to saying those words. But he had come too far to give up now. He got up, and sat next to him on the giant table. He supposed the reason the table was so long was just for tradition.
"Say, Archie, wanna play a game?" Maxie said, praying that Archie was wasted enough to 'play'. " How about you tell me what you're doing in your base, and I'll let you tell me what's in your base? Sounds fun, right?"
Archie just sat there, looking blearily at him. Slowly, a grin stretched itself across his face.
"Can you... YOU, can YOU keep a secret? I can't let Maxie know, because then he'll be able to copy me, like a bad boy!" Archie started shaking his head blearily. "But I can trust you, because you're on team A...A... what team am I captain of, again?"
"Er... team Aqua? Sir?"
"That's the one! Anyway, I can trust you, because you're on my team, aren't you?"
No, I'm just wearing red because that's the way I felt, and I wanted to try and fool my team, you spanner. Then again, that could actually work: he had some damn idiotic people over there. Or perhaps it's 'imitate a growlithe' day?
"Yes, of course I am, and I'm an admin, too, so you can trust me, can't you?" Archie nodded his head, apparently still in his drunken stupor, which suited Maxie just fine. He then beckoned for Maxie to listen.
"Can you keep a secret?" he said, the smile never leaving his face.
"Of course, Archie, I won't tell anybody else!" Maxie said, getting giddy now.
As quietly as he could, Archie whispered into Maxies ear.
"So can I. I'm not that wasted."


Once again, Tom started counting, waiting for Sylva to appear.
"5...4...3...2...1...0... err, let's try again...5...4...3...2...1...0... damn it, how long does it take to get to a door...4...3...2...1....0... Come on, last time...5...4-"
Sylva chose that moment to appear, and turned to Tom, who was leaning against the wall. Thankfully, he had a plan worked out for when Sylva appeared, and in one fluid movement enlarged a poké ball, and poked her on the pink rectangle which was for some reason embedded in her head. It sucked her in, probably as Sylva was too shocked to offer any resistance. He then lifted the ball to his mouth, as discreetly as a person can.
"Listen, the reasons I'm not letting you out are: I like my bones where they are at the moment, thank you, I don't want to be easily recognized by Birch, and it's nice to have a break from being tortured every now and then."
I think you just told me your life story.
"Who cares, really? Do you want to be here when Birch shows up?"
Not really.
"Right! Let's get the hell out of here, then! Before he actually turns- oh, you have got to be kidding me!" And with that, he turned tail and ran back to the lab, as fast as he could.
You know, when I signed up with you, I thought you'd be a little less... scared.
These words hurt, and made him slow down a little. It was true: he had run away from the grunt while walking in the stalls, and was constantly shrinking away from Sylva. Should he be running away from everything? Of course not! He hadn't done anything wrong!
"Y'know, you're right," Tom said bravely. "I have been running a lot recently. From now on, I'm not gonna let anything stand in my way!"
That's the spirit. Sylva said this while yawning: she was preparing to go to sleep.
"I'm not gonna peg it from everyone any more!"
Look, just shut up will you? I'm trying to go to sleep.
"And you can stop pushing me around, as well!"
This got Sylvas attention. You WHAT? It wasn't hard to notice the underlying currents of anger; the ball practically throbbed in his hand.
"Nothing, nothing."
That's better.
"Anyway, I'm going to face professor Birch head on!"
What? That's the reason you were running?
"Why else would I be?"
Err... never mind that, get behind the lab quick!
Tom did so, clipping Sylvas ball to his belt and grinning.
"What happened to not being scared?"
Behind door number one, there are heroics. Pretty brave, but chances are that you'll be knee deep in muk. Behind door number two, there's cowardice. This offer comes free with not being sued for damages!
"OK, I get the point. Now will you shut up? I want to hear how Josh is going to cover up the damage."
As quietly as he could, he stood on a conveniently placed rock, which grunted. Tom was too busy watching the professors through the window to notice this, however. However, he had time to think: Birch was standing with his mouth open and the destruction that they had caused. He estimated around... 30 seconds until Birch got his voice back.
"Sooo, you've still not told me how you learned these words. And also: why did you fake your psychothingy voice while we were near Rustboro?"
The ball was quiet. Whether Sylva was in shock or not, he couldn't tell. Eventually, he heard the voice, sounding somewhat shocked.
I thought... I thought you wouldn't figure that out! ... Erm, I really dunno what to say... I figured you'd be thick as two short planks to be honest, because that's what you seemed like when we came here...
It was time for a well-phrased, swift blow, with smugness in every syllable. Shouting down his conscience, Tom delivered. "Well, in future, can we be a bit more respectful, please? Now be quiet, I want to hear this."
Tom...
"Listen, you've lost. Take it like a good little ralts."
Tom-
"Can't you take it like a good sport? I'm right, you're shriveling in guilt!"
TOM!
"What the hell is it? You're going to blow our cover!"
Well pardon me, sir, but if there is anything I've learned in this world, it's that rocks don't normally glow white!
This forced Tom to look out of the window, where Birch was still speechless. "Don't be stup-"
"Geo... DUDE!!"
Tom gulped. Suddenly his moment of happiness had been ruined by some stupid geodude deciding to explode, just because he did a little thing like stepping on its face.
And before Tom could react, the geodudes' already fully charged body seemed to glow even brighter, making it painful to look at.
And Tom realised, far too late, that he hadn't had chance to even breathe, let alone run, before it let loose.


"Ok...Ok. From the top." Archie clanged a spoon against the side of an empty glass, making Maxie burst into song.
"I am a busy busy beedrill," he began loudly, waiting for the interruption.
"Diddle dee dee." warbled Archie.
"Buzzing to find a place to hide..." he began to imitate a beedrill.
"la,lala,lala..." Archie was enjoying this: Maxie did a wonderful beedrill impression.
"up, down, left, right, I cannot find a spot..."
"Oh no!"
Maxie sighed. It was the fourteenth time they had done this, and they had to stop because Archie had said the wrong time for... well, for the fourteenth time in a row. Fortunately, his rational mind was somewhere three planets away, so he didn't lodge a complaint.
"I keep tellin' ya, you say that later on!" Maxie said, with the voice of an eight-year-old... thing. Somewhere in the middle of a boys voice and a girls voice. Regardless of gender, even a happily drunken Maxie was getting annoyed by now.
"Well, it doesn't matter anyway. Does it?" Archie said defensively. "We can play something...else..." he face regained its normal pose, moving out of the gormless face he wore at drunken times.
"Wassamatter?"
"Nothing. In fact everything has come together nicely. So Maxie, how are you?"
"Er... I'm good, cheers." In truth, he was alarmed. Being able to go completely stoned to completely sober, while missing the hangover, was a trick that had surpassed the mind of the greatest minds heard of in the modern ages.
On Archies side, he was amazed. Despite what had been said, that globe puzzle with the missing piece was brilliant if you could find the piece quickly. And this time, the puzzle idea was much like the current situation. Because for once, everything had turned out perfectly. You simply capture a vileplume in a rare luxury ball, and it would do near anything for you. Even use the move known as 'aromatherapy', when it heard the beedrill song. Unfortunately, it takes a while for the smell to seep out of the ball, and there was a miniscule amount, resulting in 14 terrible songs. He got a deodorant can out of his pocket, one that a drunken man would never be able to get into, and quickly sprayed it into the air. He then smiled widely, like his own sharpedo.
"So Maxie, what are your plans for the future of team Magma?"
'The hunter becomes the hunted.' He absolutely loved that phrase.Chapter End Notes:So dudes, I'm sorry for the wait, but what with Christmas and the rapid deceleration of money, I've not had much chance to get sat down to get going on this. Halo 3 might have been a factor as well. As always, read, review, and not that many insane comments! That's my job!
As an old friend once said to me: I'm running out of ideas for this, and can't be bothered. So, this is going to vamoose along with the disclaimer. And as a side note: I honestly don't expect this to get roses, but please don't aim a shotgun at me.
And as always, please don't sue me again