"Wake up damnit." A voice snarls before I am punched in the gut. My eyes fly open as I sit up clutching
my stomach.

Teeth! Teeth everywhere!

I jerk my head back and find myself staring into a feraligatr's mouth. I swing wildly, and my fist buries
itself deep in the soft flesh of the feraligatr's under jaw. The feraligatr rears back onto its hind legs for a
moment then it slams back down onto all fours. I start to scoot backwards but the feraligatr grabs hold
of my right leg. Before I can react I am suddenly being spun around and around. All my blood rushes to
my head bringing clarity of thought and one hell of headache with it. That clarity of thought brings me to
this conclusion, whatever happens next will not be fun.

The spinning stops and I find myself flying through the air. I hit the surface of the artificial ocean and skip
like a stone once, twice, three times before I 'slide' to a stop and sink under the surface. I quickly kick
back to the surface of the water. The feraligatr glares at me, "It's time for breakfast."

I tread water staring at the brute in confusion. Breakfast? As in other than me? I'm not about to get
eaten? Then the events of yesterday rush back to me. I grumble as I swim back to the shore. Goddamn
fricking feraligatrs.

I strip off my clothes and wring them out before I walk around the ice habitat and start putting them
back on. By the time I reach the back door I am a little drier but still in a sour mood. I push the door
open and my mood gets worse when I realize that once again, Gile is the only one with meat. The rest of
us get to have a vegan breakfast of apple sauce and assorted buneary foods. I plop down in one of the
chairs and scowl at the bowl of apple sauce in the center of the table. I want bacon damnit.

Gin and Rouge are already seated at the table along with Crystal and Melissa. They all look at me. I look
right back at them in silence before reaching across the table to grab the bowl of apple sauce.

"What the hell do you have against vegetables?" Crystal asks as she munches on a carrot.

"Absolutely nothing." I grumble as I mix some berries into my small bowl of apple sauce. "It is the lack of
meat that I find offensive."

"Tauros shit." Rouge retorts, "There have been plenty of days where we didn't have meat for breakfast,
and you weren't nearly this grouchy. I think it has more to do with the fact that you are wet."

Gile chuckles and Melissa frowns, "What did you do? Sleep in the water?"

I raise a brow, "Your feraligatr tossed me in the mini ocean."

Melissa looks at Gile in surprise, "What?!"

Gile points a finger at me, "The moment he woke up he punched me in the throat!"

I roll my eyes, "I woke to a punch in the gut and my head in your mouth. What did you think I was going
to do? Kiss you?"

Gile shrugs, "It's your fault for not waking up when I just shook you."

"He would have probably punched you anyway." Crystal says dismissively around a mouthful of berries
as she watches a fleet of celery sticks and berries 'sail' across a sea of apple sauce on her plate. "He
doesn't like you."

Melissa sighs and rubs her face as she stands up with her dirty dishes, "Okay, Gile, don't ever wake
Danny up again, have Chrystal or one of Danny's friends do it. I've got a busy day ahead of me, and I
don't want to worry about you and Danny bringing the house down while I'm out. I already have enough
worries as is."

Rogue looks up at Melissa in surprise. "What?"

Melissa sets her dishes in the dishwasher and turns back to the rest of us. "I need to talk to my
boyfriend, tell the cops that I was abducted by a secret organization and turned into... whatever the hell
I am now, and buy new outfits because more than half of my normal outfits can't accommodate my
tail." She kicks the dishwasher door shut with her heel and starts out of the kitchen.

"Nuh-uh." "Not happening." Rogue and Gile reply simultaneously.

Melissa stops and turns to look at the rest of us with her hands on her hips, "And why the hell not?"

"You are a pokémon now." Gile says scratching his cheek, "And technically a wild pokémon. Any wiseass
with a pokéball could try and capture you, and quite possibly succeed since you don't have a lot of
experience battling on the frontlines so to speak."

"Danny has to go with you." Rogue says matter-of-factly. "If it looks like you have a trainer, then the
worst that can happen is what happened yesterday where somebody challenges you to a battle, which
Danny would most likely do the fighting for. That is if he doesn't punch the challenger out first for calling
him a trainer." She gives me a look, bad things will happen if I punch somebody out today, "No pokémon
moves, at least not the flashy kind. You'll draw enough attention for taking down a pokémon in single
combat, we don't need to broadcast the fact that you are Danny of the Runaways

Gile looks at Rogue approvingly. Melissa however is less than pleased with the idea. "I'm going to see
my boyfriend. I can't take him of all people with me, and I sure as hell can't take him to
talk to the police."

Gile shakes his head, "As much as I dislike the bastard, I love you a whole lot more. As for the police, if
that criminal organization is competent enough to have the technology to take a normal human being
and turn them into a pokémon, then the people running it probably have the foresight to have back up
plans for dealing with escaped test subjects and the police. Chances are they are no longer on the island
anymore." The feraligatr chuckles, "Hell, the island may not be there anymore."

"Plus," Crystal pipes up, "If they send some sort of assassin after you two it would be best to have
someone who has dealt with them before, like Mr. Dannie-o!"

Melissa's eyes widen at that thought and I can feel the blood drain from my face. Sure, I can face down
any human, and most pokémon, in combat but with the kind of weapons that these helix people use the
'battle' could be over before I even know they are there. After what happened on the island, I don't
think there is much question about whether or not they will want to get rid of anyone that might be a
threat to them. I rub my face, I'm going to have to really be on guard now, and I really need my blade
back.

"Your sword is in the laundry room in a gym bag." Chrystal says as she bites down on her celery stick,
"You should probably keep it in the bag while walking around though. Most people don't walk around
with swords strapped to their waists, at least not around here."

I stare at the gardevoir. How in the hell does someone so random and quirky have so much common
sense? She just grins at me and I chuckle, "Okay, I can live with that."

"You might want to change clothes too." Gile says with a smirk. I fight back the urge to flick him off or
give some sort of smart ass retort. The 'serious business' look that Rogue is giving me right now helps.
Instead, I shovel the breakfast into my mouth. As much as I hate to admit it, it tastes really good.

Melissa gives me a smug grin before she leaves the kitchen and I'm left wondering just how open my
mind is to hers.

Twenty minutes later, I'm wearing slacks and a button up shirt for the first time in eight years. The last
time was... a time I'd rather not think about actually. I sling the gym bag over my shoulder and adjust the
collar of Melissa's father's shirt. "Is there any particular reason I'm dressed like I'm headed to church?"

Melissa smiles at me as she pushes open the front door. "Well, I figured the cops would be looking for
the wild boy in pokémon skins and not the smartly dressed young man with cornrows."

I sigh, "Makes sense. So where first?"

~0~

I have nothing against new clothes. In fact, I love getting new clothes. Always have, especially once Mew
started making them. It can be pretty fun, even if I don't necessarily like what I get. For instance, one
summer all Mew made for me was kilts. That was an interesting experience, especially since I
actually had a girlfriend at the time.

Buying new clothes, however, is torture. I hate shopping for clothes. The last time I had to go
shopping for clothes was when I was nine. It was all 'try this one for mommy' or 'how would you look in
this?'. I felt like a damn dress up doll as I got dragged from one clothing store to the next. At least this
time I'm not the one trying on clothes.

"Hey Danny, how do you think this looks?"

I turn around and look Melissa's latest outfit option over. It was a white button up blouse and a short
green skirt that came halfway down her thighs. I shrug, "To be honest, I'm still trying to figure out why
you think my opinion on clothing, especially women's clothing, is worth a rattatta's hind parts. No one I
associated with wore anything." I notice Melissa's tail starting to lift her skirt up in the back and quickly
add, "However, if decency is important at all I would recommend a longer skirt, because your tail is..."

Melissa's ears flatten against her head and she vanishes again into the changing stall with a very quiet
profanity. I sigh and return to leaning against the wall. This same general exchange has been going on all
morning with a few variations, like when she accidentally levitated while trying to show me a sundress
and ended up showing way more than she intended. Namely, the fact that she has no undies on. Out of
courtesy, and a sense of self-preservation, I refrained from dwelling on that topic too long.

Melissa steps back out of the changing stall with a bag of clothing that apparently passed the decency
and comfort tests, as well as my own approval. "One more stop, then we can move on to Richard's
house."

"I rejoice from the depths of my soul." I mutter under my breath as I step away from the wall
Her tail lashes out and whips my backside with a loud crack. I yelp and leap up holding my hands over
my injured derriére. "What the hell was that for?!"

"I'm not exactly happy with this arrangement either you know. I don't like being babysat like a toddler. I
can take care of myself just fine on my own."

I glance downwards at Melissa's feet as she starts to rise up off the ground. I grab her by the shoulders
and push her back down again. You can't even control the simplest of your powers and you think you can
hold your own in a fight?

"That's not my fault!" Melissa exclaims with a huff.

I chuckle a little as we continue walking out of the clothing store into the commons area of the mall.
"You just proved my point."

"How?"

"You read my mind."

"No I didn't!"

Do you know how to give a blow job? I lean back out of the way as Melissa whirls around and throws a
wild punch at my face. I give her a small smile, "What? I didn't say anything. I only thought it."

Melissa glares at me and I fight to keep from wincing as my head gets put in a psychic vise, "Pervert."

I sigh, "I only thought it to see if you were listening to my thoughts. I really don't care whether you can
give a blow job or not, and I wouldn't dare ask because of the fact that it would result in pain for me, like
the vice grip you have on my head right now, and it is rude. You are currently courting with someone
else; I have no right to even consider the possibility." I pause and chuckle, "Never mind that Gile would
probably eat me."

"He would." Melissa laughs, and then gives me an odd look. "Really?"

I frown, "Really what?"

"You really wouldn't try and seduce a girl away from her boyfriend?"

I roll my eyes, "No, I wouldn't. Courtship is a sacred process, to me at least. It is not a tool for getting
something either."

"What do you mean by 'tool'?"

"Well, as a means to an end. To get sex for instance. If sex happens, then it happens, but it shouldn't be
the sole purpose of dating or courting. Another example would be courting one person to make another
jealous. That is just dirty. The purpose of courting is to discover the other individual and for them to
discover you. If you like what you discover, pursue them as a mate. If not, don't." I shrug. Melissa just
stares at me. "What?"

"That's kinda what my dad told me."

"Is that a problem?"

"No, it's just kind of weird, since you were raised by pokémon. There are a lot of polygamous and non-
pairing pokémon so I don't know where you would have picked that up."

I laugh, "I wasn't raised by pokémon! What gave you that idea?"

"Well, you can talk to pokémon and you consider pokémon to be your family. Plus you have pokémon
powers." Melissa points out. "Everybody thinks you were raised by pokémon."

I roll my eyes, "I was raised by humans. My dad was a pokémon researcher living in a chain of islands far
to the south of here. My mother was one of the most wonderful people I have ever known. I ran away
from home when I was ten. When we met for the first time I had only been living out there for just
under a week."

"Why did you do that?"

"Well, Rouge and I kind of... we did something that would have been unforgivable to my step-mom." I
say with an awkward chuckle, that certainly isn't one of my proudest accomplishments. It's not the one
I'm least proud of either. "So we took off. I never looked back."

Melissa watches me closely for a bit. It's obvious she is thinking really hard about something. I raise a
brow, "You're trying to dig in my head aren't you?"

"A little." She turns and starts walking towards a store. When I see which store it is I stop dead in my
tracks.

"No way. Not happening."

"Oh for Creselia's sake! Don't be such a baby!"

"No. I am not going in Victoria's Secret with you."

Melissa rolls her eyes, "What are you? Twelve?"

"No, but I've already gotten all sorts of weird looks from people because I am being dragged around
buying clothes for a pokémon!" I exclaim, "If I go in there with you people are gonna start thinking I'm a
pokephiliac!"

Melissa laughs, "That's a pretty big word for someone who lived in the woods for nearly half their life."

"It came up at home before I left." I say shaking my head, "It's a long story."

"Well answer me this, did you ever court a pokémon? Remember I can tell if you lie."
I can feel my face heating up a bit, "Yes."

"Then why would accusations of... 'pokephilia' bother you?"

"...I don't like having people looking at me funny."

"It's not like you have to help me change."

"I'm still not going in there."

"Fine, stay out here with the bags." Melissa says rolling her eyes and shoving the bags she was holding
at me.

She turns to walk into the lingerie store then pauses, "Out of curiosity, what kind of pokémon was she?"

I chuckle, "A Kirlia. Now go get your damn panties."

Melissa shakes her head and walks into the store while I sit down on a bench outside and watch people
go by. Not three seconds later a little girl with a pichu sits down on the bench next to me. I glance at her
for a moment then return to watching people go by. The bench shakes a little and I glance back over at
the girl to find that she is now standing on the bench and looking down at me. I chuckle, "Can I help
you?"

She nods and holds out her pichu, "Make her talk. I want her to be able to talk like that tall, pink
pokémon of yours."

I take the pichu, who quickly crawls up my arm to perch on my head. I look back to the girl, "I can't make
her talk, and she wasn't my pokémon. She's more of a friend, and she knew how to talk already when I
met her."

"Awww, I wanted to be able to talk." The pichu says sadly.

"You can talk." I say picking the pichu up off my head, "Your friend just can't understand you." Both the
girl and the pichu's eyes go wide. I grin, "But I can."

~0~
(POV shift warning 3rd person following Rogue)

"Sooooo, what do you do all day?" Rogue asks Gile who is sitting on the couch.

"Depends. Used to be Melissa traveled all over the place and we would go with her. it was a lot of fun
and I wish she would go traveling again." Gile says as he picks up the TV remote and turns on the TV,
"These days I mostly watch the news and try to avoid being the center of Chrystal's attention."

Rogue climbs up on the couch and sits next to Gile, "Why avoid Chrystal?" Suddenly Gin sprints through
the room at full speed. Rogue tilts her head to the side, "What the hell?"

"NO! STAY AWAY!" Gin shouts from the other room before sprinting back through the living room again,
followed closely by a cackling Chrystal carrying several long strands of shiny material.

"That's why." Gile says with a smirk.

"Was that... tinsel?"

"Probably."

"What is she..."

"You never can know for sure with that girl. Best to let her run herself out." Gile pauses to flip over to
the news channel, "Kind of like a cold."

"That's not very nice."

"But accurate."

Gin appears in front of them again, whispering, "Please you have to hide me!"

"OOOH GIIIIIN..." Crystal's voice rings out from upstairs, "WHERE ARE YOU, MY LITTLE PUPPY-POO?"

Gile snorts, "I recommend surrendering."

Gin shakes his head and darts forward on hands and knees to crawl under the couch. He lifts the dust
ruffle and screams.

"I FOUND YOU!" Chrystal shouts gleefully as she lunges out from under the couch and tackles Gin.

Gile turns the TV off, having found something much more interesting to watch. "This oughta be good."

"NOOOOOOOooooooo....."

~0~
(following Melissa)

Thongs. They were the only thing that fit even somewhat comfortably under her tail, well there were
other things, but they were even skankier. Melissa sighs as she turns to look at her butt in the mirror. It
was a lot bigger. "Stupid Mew hips. At least my upper bits didn't change much."

Turning back around again to face the mirror Melissa takes in her new body. She was a giant Mew, with
tits. A fetish made flesh.

What was Richard going to think? What if her changes disgusted him? What if they turned him on? She
couldn't decide which was worse. The only thing she was sure of when it came to looks was that Danny
was interested, which made his desire not to interfere in her current relationship that much more of an
attractive quality.

Melissa changed back into her clothes and picked up her bags. She paused, quite a crowd had gathered
outside the store. "Oh no."


~0~
(and back to Danny 1st person)

"Listen, uh, Shinji was it? You and your gastrodon have a lot of things you need to work out together in
private. I'm a translator, not a marriage counselor." I say with a chuckle as I hand the slimy pokémon
back to her partner. I wipe my hands on my slacks to get the slime off, "I also recommend investing in a
tarp."

"DANNY!" Oh crap.

I turn to find Melissa shoving her way to the front of the line. I smile "Time to go? Great I'll get our
bags."

I bend over to pick up some of the bags and then yelp as Melissa grabs hold of my hair and starts
dragging me back through the crowd. "OwowowowowowowowowowOW!"

Melissa releases my hair and grabs me by the ear instead. She pulls me close to her face before hissing,
"What are you thinking?! You were supposed to keep a low profile!"

"I was?" I thought I was supposed to be her bodyguard and, if worst came to worst, her meat shield.

"The first rule for not being found is to keep a low profile!"

"Oh that. I kinda figured that walking around with a five and a half foot tall mew made that a lost
cause."

I let out a small 'Eep' as Melissa drives her knee into my groin. She lets go of my ear and I fall to my
knees as I reflexively curl around my wounded pride. Why is it always the nuts? Why can't I just be
slapped when I make a smart-assed remark?

I look up at Melissa who sighs and shakes her head, "I'll get the bags while you recover."

~0~

So, after a brief recovery period and a long, and mostly awkward, walk, we find ourselves in front of a
house in a picture perfect neighborhood. You know, the kind with them white picket fences. I follow
Melissa up the front walk knowing full well that this entire visit is going to be awkward as hell.

I mean seriously, the poor bastard is getting told that his girlfriend has been turned into a pokémon
hybrid thing. On top of that, some strange guy is with her and staying at her house. I don't want to be
here, and from the vibes she is putting off, it is clear that Melissa doesn't want me here either. That and
I'm carrying bags full of women's clothing, including lingerie. I really don't think it could get much more
awkward.

Melissa rings the doorbell and waits. A few moments later a blaziken opens the door. Oh damn, it's a
female and by Arceus would you look at the size of her - !

SLAPSLAPSLAPSLAP!

I'm nearly thrown sideways by the sudden barrage of slaps. I'm pretty sure that was the actual pokémon
move double slap, because that fricking hurt! "What the hell, Melissa!?"

Melissa glares at me, "You were staring at her tits!"

"I was not!" I exclaim indignantly, "Blaziken don't have breasts!"

"Are you kidding?!" Melissa explains, gesturing to the blaziken, "Look at the size of those things!"

I roll my eyes, she just slapped the hell out of me for staring there and she expects me to look again?
"They aren't breasts though. They are crests. Raised areas of thick plumage."

"What?"

"Blaziken have a pair of crests on their chest that resemble human breasts in shape and size." I reply
with a sigh, "They serve no use in the reproductive process unlike the mammaries found on most
mammalian, human shaped pokémon. They are, however, erogenous zones and can be raised or fluffed
up as a sign of arousal or just being 'in season'. So when it comes to etiquette they are treated the same
as human breasts. No touching and keep glances discreet."

Melissa and the blaziken both stare at me for a very long moment before Melissa finally asks, "How the
hell do you know that?"

I grimace, "You remember that long story I mentioned earlier? I lied. It's actually a very short story.
Basically, when my dad decided to give me the talk about the pidgeys and the combees, when I was at
the ripe old age of seven, he went in depth. Multiple species were covered and full color visual aids were
used. He also covered how cross species breeding works. The whole thing is kind of permanently burned
into my brain."

"That's messed up."

"Yes it is." The blaziken agrees, "But it is also completely unrelated to why I should let you inside."

"You should let us inside because I am Richard's girlfriend, Melissa Cohen." Melissa replies.

The blaziken stares at her for a few moments then her eyes narrow. Then the corners of her eyes lift in a
smile. She takes a step back and sweeps her other arm overdramatically as she says, "Oh, in that case
you and your new trainer can come right in. I'll go get Richard."

"He's not my trainer." Melissa replies flatly and I keep my face straight. This blaziken intrigues me.

We step into the hall, the floor is carpet and the walls are adorned with a variety of landscape paintings.
Not as pretty as Melissa's place, but still nice. The blaziken leaves us there as she goes to get Richard.
Melissa turns to me, "I don't want you to be a part of this conversation, okay?"

I shrug, "Fine by me, I was probably going to strike up a conversation with the blaziken anyway. What's
her name?"

"Toni." Melissa says with a nod. I sense a slight shift in her mood as she says the blaziken's name, part
frustration and part something else mixed so thoroughly with a bunch of other brief emotions that it is
indecipherable. She then points off to the side where there is a sort of activity room with rubber flooring
and workout equipment. "You can wait in there."

"Fine." I chuckle as I step out of the hall and drop the bags in a corner, just as the blaziken returns with a
red headed young man.

"Hi Richard." Melissa says quietly. Richard jumps a little, probably a little surprised at being spoken to by
a pokémon. "It's me Melissa."

You can almost hear the gears grinding in Richard's head. I can't help it, I laugh. Richard turns to look at
me, "Who are you?"

"Danny." I say with a smile.

Richard's face darkens, "What are you doing here?"

I gesture to Melissa, "Escort service, as per request."

"Gile wouldn't let me leave the house without him." Melissa explains. "I came by to let you know exactly
what happened to cause..." She gestures to herself, "This."

"Come into the kitchen. Where we can talk in private." Richard says, "You two stay out here."

I nod, but I can feel Toni's shift in demeanor, it's like when you turn up a gas stove and the pilot light
flares to a full flame. It's a pretty impressive display of her power actually, and self control. In spite of
the flare in emotions, I can't make out any change in body language; her feathers barely puff up at all as
she nods in acknowledgement. I only saw it because I was looking for it. She steps into the workout
room, glancing briefly over the bags before moving to sit on the weight bench.

"Sooo, what's Richard like? He a good guy?" I ask.

Toni rolls her eyes before nodding and dropping off the bench into the push up position. I smile and
drop down myself sort of across from her as she starts doing pushups. "How's he treat you?" I ask as I
start doing pushups as well.

Toni gives me an approximation of a thumbs up, but doesn't put her hand back down and continues
doing one handed pushups. I grin and switch to one handed pushups as well, "Do you train with him
frequently?"

Toni eyes me for a second then gives me a so-so gesture before throwing herself forward into a
handstand and begins doing pushups that way. She looks back to me with a smirk in her eyes. I just smile
back sweetly before doing the same. After a brief wobble I turn my head to look at Toni again, "Did he
used to?"

Toni's eyes narrow and she carefully shifts her balance to one hand. Impressive. She pushes out a
couple one handers before she nods. I take a deep breath; usually Gin gives out by this point, but I
match her again. "Let me... guess. Melissa Cohen."

I don't even need to see her nod, the spike in her aura is more than enough answer. Toni switches hands
and so do I, but then she does something I did not see coming. She rocks up onto her talon tips. You
gotta be shitting me. She actually pushes out a couple before she looks at me with a huge shit-eating
grin (basically her beak is open a little and her eyes are smiling big time).

I switch to two hands, "Give me a moment... to figure this out."

With a big push I lift myself up onto my fingertips, and then shift to one hand. I can feel little beads of
sweat breaking out across my forehead as I focus my aura into those four fingers, reinforcing them as
best as I can. I lower myself slowly, my entire body shaking with the effort. I grunt as I lift back up. At the
top I glance at Toni, she just smiles and gestures for me to continue. I begin my second trip down, then
curse as my arm gives out and I crash down face first onto the rubber flooring. "Ow." I mutter with my
nose mashed into the floor. "You win."

Toni lets out a loud whoosh of breath as she collapses next to me. I lift my head to watch her sprawled
next to me, gasping for breath. I smile, "You have a really good poker face."

"Thanks." She wheezes with a little smile, "You're stronger than you look."

"You're welcome." I prop myself up on my elbows, "One last question. You want him for your own, in
bed with you, don't you?"

Toni's reaction is a mixture of surprise, which is expected since it is a rather rude question to ask a
female you just met, and a lot of embarrassment. That last bit makes me feel pretty sure I nailed it on
the head. Suddenly Toni darts forward and yanks me forward by the collar. Right, embarrassment
often turns to anger.

"How did you know that?! I swear, if you breathe a word about that to anyone, I will... why are
you smiling?"

"I didn't know. Not until you admitted it was true just now." I say with a huge grin, "It's nothing to be
ashamed of, Toni. Not an hour ago I had a gastrodon telling me all sorts of naughty things she does with
her trainer and things she wished he would do to her."

Toni stares at me in shock, before frowning, "Yeahbuhwut?"

"Yeah, I can understand pokémon."

"Yeah, but-"

"That's bullshit!" Melissa's voice interrupts from the kitchen.

Toni and look at each other for a split second before we both leap to our feet and sprint for the kitchen.
When we get there we find Melissa glaring across the table at Richard. "That is some serious bullshit
Richard, and you know it." Melissa says.

Richard glances over at me and Toni before laughing nervously, "How is my not wanting to continue in a
relationship with a pokémon bullshit? It sounds like a perfectly reasonable justification to me?"

"It's bullshit because I have caught you ogling other people's pokémon before. Gardevoirs, lopunnies,
medichams, among others." Melissa almost spits out.

"What, I can't appreciate a well trained pokémon? It wasn't anything sexual."

"What about those picture's of Toni in compromising positions on your phone?" Melissa asks leaning
across the table. "The ones of her bending to pick things up and the ones taken under the table of her
crotch? Are you gonna say those weren't sexual either?"

Next to me Toni feathers are as puffed out as a startled glameow's fur.

"I-I don't kn-know what you are talking about." Richard stammers, his bright red face betraying him. I
roll my eyes and walk back to the workout room. Richard shouts after me, "Don't you roll your eyes at
me! Get back here!"

I pick up the gym bag with my blade in it and walk back to the kitchen. I unzip the bag, "Melissa's right.
Your reasoning is bullshit." I shrug as I reach into the bag, "But it doesn't change your decision." I thump
the sheathed blade onto the kitchen table and start to unbutton my shirt.

"Danny? What are you doing?" Melissa asks me worriedly.

"I'm challenging Richard to a pokémon battle. Single combat, no items." I say as I slip out of the shirt and
hand it to Melissa. "I'm betting my sword against your money that I'll win. Are those terms acceptable?"

Richard nods, frowning as I unbutton my pants, "Why are you taking off your clothes though?"

"Because I'm the one doing the fighting and these aren't my clothes." I reply with a grimace, "Trust me,
if they were my clothes I would definitely keep them on."

Toni snickers behind me and I fight the urge to check what underwear I have on. If I wasn't sure I was
wearing white briefs I would have kept the pants on, even if they aren't mine. I'm not going through that
again if I can help it.

A couple minutes later we are all in the backyard and I'm looking across a large circle of hard packed dirt
at Toni. I step into the circle and give her a thumbs up, "Don't hold back Toni."

Richard shakes his head, "This is ridiculous, just get it over with Toni. Quick attack."

I easily sidestep Toni's quick attack and slap her lightly across the face before hopping away. Toni holds a
talon to her face, staring at me in surprise. I just smile, "Fight me Toni."

"What the hell was that Toni!? Just hit the naked idiot!" Richard shouts. Toni dashes at me again, using
quick attack, and this time throwing a punch at my face when I sidestep. I lean out of the way and slap
her again, harder this time. I skip back away from her quickly, "You're not taking me seriously, Toni!
You'd best start fighting for real."

"Stop dancing damnit!" Toni doesn't wait for Richard this time, using quick attack again. Using extreme
speed I slip behind her even as she starts to throw a punch at where I was a split second ago. I slip my
arms under hers and bury my hands in the thick plumage of her crests.

"I warned you." I whisper in her ear as the world seems to stop. Then everything returns to speed and I
leap back a good fifteen feet away from Toni. Judging from the spikes in aura, I have successfully
managed to piss off EVERYBODY, and made both Richard and Melissa jealous. Wait, Melissa is
jealous? My surprise at that little fact distracts me enough that I don't have time to throw up a protect
field to ward off Toni's enraged flamethrower attack. I dive forward, hitting the deck and rolling as fast
as I can out of the stream of fire.

I'm pretty sure I'm at least a little on fire, but there isn't time to deal with that as Toni's talons crash into
the dirt next to my face. I spring away from her, still on all fours, flipping backwards almost immediately
to avoid a hammering double fisted strike that craters the ground and throws up chunks of earth. I land
in a crouch and lunge forward, just barely managing to twist over a spinning kick that probably would
have launched me into the next yard if it had connected. I leap straight up and over Toni as she executes
a powerful blaze attack. I fire off an aura sphere at her back, and she stumbles forward onto all fours.
However, even before I land she is already back on her feet and charging me again, but it is my turn
now.

I deflect Toni's fire punch, using the force of her blow to launch me into a spin leading into a doubly
powerful force palm up under her jaw. Toni lifts off the ground and I press my momentary advantage,
slamming my other hand into her gut and firing a water pulse point blank. The force of the water
launches Toni like a missile, and she tumbles head over heels into the grass. I leap high into the air
before Toni can recover enough to pinpoint my location.

"UP!" Richard shouts and the aura spheres I have already loosed burst against a huge billowing column
of flame rising up to meet me. I throw up a protect field, simultaneously preparing a small focus blast.
The flames wash over my shield like waves crashing against a stone. The sheer fury of the attack sends
cracks spider webbing through the shield. Rather than reinforcing it I allow the protect to shatter. The
countless green shards of protective energy vanish in the last of the fire blast attack. I unleash my focus
blast as a blue beam that strikes a shocked Toni in the chest. The blaziken rockets backwards, tearing up
sod as she plows the ground. I land lightly in a crouched three point landing.

My chest is heaving as I slowly rise to my feet and watch Toni carefully. Richard has already darted over
to where she is still laying in the dirt. Melissa stares at me slack jawed. I glance at Melissa, "What?"

Melissa just shakes her head and I turn back to Richard, "Is she okay?"

He nods then looks up at me, "But she's out cold."

"That's good." I reply before falling flat on my face. That focus blast and protect combo took a lot out of
me, I doubt I could have mustered a repeat. The resulting fight would have been a lot more difficult and
drawn out. I might even have lost. The wind blows softly over me and I feel an unexpected chill. I turn
my head to look in Melissa's direction and her feet fill my field of view. They're kind of cute looking, if
that makes any sense at all.

"Um, Danny..."

"Let me guess, my underwear is half burnt away isn't it."

"Yep." Melissa replies before she lifts one of her cute feet and slams it down on the back of my hand. All
thoughts of how cute her feet are vanish instantly beneath the pain of her grinding the balls of her feet
down on my hand.

"OWOWOWOWOWOW!" I yelp, yanking my hand out from under her paw. I sit up, holding my injured
hand protectively against my chest. I open my mouth to ask what that was for, and then I remember
what just happened. I just groped the blaziken. "Okay, I deserved that."

"Yes, you did." Melissa says flatly, "You're also lucky not to be dead. Toni is one of the strongest
pokémon I've met, she can usually beat Gile even with the type advantage he has."

"If it weren't for that psychotic gardevoir, I could beat you single handedly." Toni says as she sits up and
starts tenderly wiping off dirt.

I stare at Toni, "Crystal?"

Melissa nods, "Yeah, Crystal is actually my most powerful pokémon."

"Not you're gyrados?" I ask in surprise, "I mean she was destroying a fricking town just because she was
all sobby and panicky!"

"No, Rio is actually the weakest of the three. That's why I was out at the island with her. For high
intensity training."

"Crystal fights kind of like you do too." Toni continues, "She likes toying with her opponent."

"I wasn't toying with you." I chuckle, "I wasn't going to really fight you until you actually started taking
me seriously. I really am sorry for groping you like that. It was the only way I could think of to really tick
you off on the fly."

Toni peers at me for a long moment then looks at Melissa, "Is he telling the truth?"

"Surprisingly, yes." Melissa replies, her own surprise clearly evident in her voice.

"Why the hell is that surprising?!" I ask, unable to keep the annoyed edge out of my voice, "She is
completely not my type! I mean she's a fighting type and a fire type!" I pause before muttering,
"She's also got feathers."

"*cough-cough* pervert *cough*" Melissa wipes her mouth on the back of her hand, "Sorry, just had
some dust fly down my throat."

It's a relevant factor! Feathers would get in the way of things! And right now I don't know anything
about her personally so that is all that matters in this case! I think very pointedly at Melissa.

My statement still stands. is her mental reply. I raise an eyebrow at her, that's a nice
improvement.

"What's wrong with being a fighting type?" Toni asks indignantly as she climbs to her feet with Richard's
help.

"Do you have any idea just how pushy wild fighting types are?"I ask as I climb to my own feet, "I've had
to fight not to get raped by a hitmonchan who decided she liked me. And an accidental flamethrower to
the face is not my first choice of a way to end an evening. Don't laugh, I've seen it happen first hand. It's
why fire types rarely do it missionary style."

"Oh for Cresselia's sake!" Melissa groans.

"I lived in the fucking woods!" I exclaim waving my arms, "They did it whenever and wherever they felt
like it!"

Richard shakes his head, "It doesn't change the fact that you clearly can't be human."

"I couldn't even lay a finger on you." Toni growls.

I laugh and turn to reveal my exposed and lightly singed derriere. "Does this look like not laying a finger
on me? Never mind the fact that you broke through my protect with one attack! You have to be the
most powerful individual I have gone up against yet!"

Toni scratches her chin with a smug expression, "Really?"

"Definitely." I reply with a nod as I start dusting myself off and head indoors. "Any stronger and you
might have beat me. I'd love for you to train with my brother and me some time."

"You have a brother? Is he as strong as you?"

"About as strong as me, yes, and he can take a helluva lot more punishment than I can, being a lucario
and all."

"So you are part lucario?" Richard asks as the others follow me inside.

I shrug as I slip back into my pants and start getting redressed. Damn, it feels really weird wearing only
half a pair of underwear. "I've said it before and I'll say it again. I'm a pokémon. I'm not sure what kind
exactly; maybe I have a lucario granddaddy somewhere up in my family tree through some freak miracle
of cross-species conception."

I finish buttoning up my shirt and put my sword back in the gym bag, which reminds me, "Time to pay up
Richard."

Richard gives me a surprised look, "What?"

"My winnings, your money." I hold out my hand, "Or at least a large portion of it. This sword is pretty
much all I have to my name and a damn good weapon to boot. So the equivalent would be at least four
thousand dollars."

"Four thous- are you insane?!"

"Listen, I had to kill a psychotic, super-powered serial killer and his lucario lover to get this sword, and it
has saved my life more times than I can count." I say darkly, stepping up to Richard so my face is inches
from his own, "My putting it on the table as my wager in this match is akin to you betting your arms on
this fight. If you don't think that your own limbs are worth four thousand dollars I can always take those
instead."

Apparently my evil-sonova-bitch act is plenty convincing because I can sense the fear rolling off of
Richard. It's kind of sick, but it feels really refreshing. Like a cool breeze on a blistering hot day.

"O-okay. Four thousand dollars sounds perfectly acceptable when you put it that way." Richard
stammers as he takes a couple steps back to stand next to Toni.

I grin goofily, "Great! You'll have to make it cash though."

Richard nods and disappears, hopefully to get the money and not call the cops. I turn to Melissa, "Could
you go make sure he's getting the money?"

Melissa nods and disappears after Richard leaving me and Toni alone in the kitchen. Toni gives me an
odd look, "Would you have seriously cut off his arms?"

"Absolutely not." I say taking a seat at the table, "I might have gotten rough with him, but nothing more
than a bit of shaking or a few light slaps. I'm not a monster."

Toni takes a seat across from me and leans on the table, "Good, because if you had gone to take that
knife out I would have torched you like a roast pidgeotto on Thanksgiving."

"Of course." I reply with a nod and we sit there for a moment in silence.

"So what is your type?"

I give her a sideways glance, "Hmm? Like girl in general? Or pokémon type?"

"Pokémon."

"Oh. Psychic. They are usually more ladylike or at least not 'rape happy'." I chuckle, "I don't know what
the hell Crystal's deal is. I've never met anyone like her."

"So you'd rather do it with an alakazam over me?"

"Yes."

"Even with those crazy mustaches?"

I blink, I forgot about the mustache. "Okay, maybe not. The mustache would definitely put me off." I
laugh, trying to picture kissing an alakazam, "Okay, only if she got rid of the mustache. Same for a
kadabra." I turn to face Toni, "Why would you care? Richard is available and interested."

"Just keeping my options open, in case I can't reel Richard in." Toni says with a smirk, "I could show you
how 'ladylike' a well trained fighting type can be. It's not often that a human, or a mostly human
individual, will openly admit to being willing to become mated with a pokémon."

I chuckle and scratch my head sheepishly, "Yeah, I'm kinda weird that way."

"You also have a cute butt."

"Excuse me?" Melissa asks testily from the door to the kitchen.

I let my face drop to the table, its color becoming similar to that of a cheri berry. "She was talking about
me, not you."

"I know that."

"You have a problem with my saying your escort has a cute butt?" Toni asks innocently, then adds,
"Don't you think he has a cute butt?"

Melissa giggles and I can hear my humiliation in that laughter, "You should have seen him yesterday
when he had to walk through town with nothing but his boxers on. And guess what was on those
boxers. Pink. Cartoony. Mews."

Toni looks at me, my deepening blush pretty much confirming the truth of Melissa's statement. She
snorts, "Those are some manly boxers right there."

"It's not my fault!" I groan, "Mew won't make me any other kind."

"Please. Mew is just a legend." Toni retorts rolling her eyes.

I look from Toni to Melissa and back again. "Really? Some crazy scientists took a normal human being
and turned her into a GIANT MEW. Mew is no myth. She's a dirty tease, and a damn good seamstress."

"Yeah, I'm gonna have to say that Mew is probably real." Melissa comments dryly, "Seeing as I am now
her only relative."

"Actually, she has a younger brother. Oddly enough, he is also the result of scientists playing with her
DNA." I add quickly.

Richard slaps a very thick stack of cash onto the table. "There's your money. Now quit talking about
Mew and get out of my fucking kitchen."

I stand up quickly and shove the cash into the gym bag with the blade. Toni stands up as well and I hold
out my hand to her. She takes my hand, "Good luck with whatever you intend to do."

I nod and grin, "And good luck with what we both know you are going to do."

"Would you just take your goddamn money and leave?!" Richard exclaims and starts pushing Melissa.
I'm about to warn him about Melissa not having full control over her powers when suddenly he rockets
backwards and slams into the wall. I grab Melissa's hand and lead her out of the room as I shout an
apology over my shoulder. When we reach the hall I grab up most of the bags while Melissa grabs the
others and then we leave.

After we get a ways up the street from Richard's house I laugh, "Say, what is Richard's last name?"

"King. Why?"

"I guess that would mean he lived up to his name."

"Huh?"

"He was a royal dick!" I laugh.

"If my hands weren't full right now I would hit you. That's a horrible pun."

~0~

We step through the front door of Melissa's house and I call out, "We're back!"

"HELP!" is the immediate reply.

I hurry into the living room and what I see stops me in my tracks. Gin is hogtied with gold tinsel and
hanging from a slowly turning ceiling fan. Sprigs of mistletoe are tied to his head ornaments in large
number, making a sort of crown. His fur is covered in red lip prints, especially around his face.

Melissa giggles behind me, "Looks like Crystal has taken a liking to you."

"She's crazy!" Gin exclaims, "Absolutely bonkers!"

I smirk as start looking for a way to get Gin down, "You sound like you are offended over being kissed."

"It's not the kissing that offends me. It's that she is leaving me up here while she eats lunch!"

"I brought your lunch!" Crystal exclaims as she suddenly teleports into the room holding a large bowl of
an opaque, green liquid. She starts walking around in a circle following Gin as the fan turns him around.
Holding the bowl up to his face, she says, "Enjoy!"

"What the hell is this crap?"

"Cream of broccoli, and I made it special just for you. So you'd better eat it or I'll turn the fan up to full
again."

Gin looks at me with a pleading look, "Aren't you going to do something?"

I shake my head, "No, I just found out how insanely powerful Crystal may actually be. Where were
Rogue and Gile while you were being tied up anyway?"

"They were watching and laughing." Gin says rolling his eyes.

"Eat soup!" Crystal exclaims impatiently, shoving the bowl up so that Gin's face is submerged in the
soup. Gin bucks and lets out a garbled yelp. Crystal lowers the bowl and Gin sputters, his face covered in
green goopy soup.

"What the hell is wrong with you woman?!" Gin shouts, only to have his face submerged in soup again.

I look back at Melissa, "Should I be worried for his safety?"

"No, Crystal is mostly harmless unless she is battling."

"Okay, then how about we get some lunch?" I say with a smirk at Gin who is giving me the evil eye as he
laps up the soup on his face and from the bowl. I'm probably going to pay for this later. I'm going to
have to sleep with one eye open. It's getting close to time for my night terrors to raise their ugly heads
again, so not sleeping at all is kind of appealing.

"Sure." Melissa says as she follows me into the kitchen. I start rummaging through the cabinets and
after a moment I find what I am looking for. I set the tea kettle in the sink and shift the coffee pot off the
stove. Melissa watches me curiously as I begin rummaging through the pantry, "What are you looking
for?"

I just grin as I pull a couple tea leaves out of their box. "Found it." I throw the tea bags onto the counter
by the stove and begin to fill the tea pot with hot water from the sink. "Do you like tea?"

"Yes."

"Good." I say firing up the stove top and placing the tea kettle, with the tea bags soaking inside, on the
stove. While waiting on the tea I start digging through the refrigerator, "You want anything from the
fridge?"

"I can get it myself."

"No no, I'm already digging through here, just tell me what you want."

"Fine. Things for making a salad. You know, lettuce, vegetables, some berries and fruits too." Melissa
says retrieving a cutting board from under the counter. "Are you going to try and steal some of Gile's
meat?"

I laugh as I pass her the items she requested as I come across them, "No. I'll just have some of whatever
you are making. But if Gile comes into the kitchen, I would like some warning."

"Okay."

I pass most of the berries to Melissa along with the other things she asked for but keep some of them to
slip into the teapot to soak with the leaves, some of them I crush with my hands or tear apart. Leaving
the teapot to do what it does, I take a seat at the kitchen table. I watch her as she chops up things and
slides them into the salad bowl. "You seem to be taking Richard breaking up with you really well."

Melissa stops preparing the salad and turns to me, "Really? Because I'm fucking furious."

I do my best to cover my surprise, usually I can read emotions through aura shifts really well. Then
again, if she has remained as furious as she was when he first broke it to her then her aura wouldn't
shift and I wouldn't have any cues.

"Wanna talk about it?" This surprises her so much it looks like her eyebrows are headed for orbit.
"What?"

"I have never had a guy ask me that. Ever." She takes a seat at the table, "I mean I know you are
interested in me as a girlfriend, but when you said that you weren't thinking about that."

"I have experience interacting with angry girls." I say with a chuckle, more than once I received bruises
while interacting with them, "Experience tells me that when a girl talks about what is driving her up the
wall it helps them calm down."

"And with my level of power control it's safer for everyone if I calm down."

"I did not say that, but thank you for recognizing it." I say with a chuckle, "So, fire away."

"Well, I guess I should start by saying I was already kind of pissed with Richard because I have repeatedly
caught him checking out pokémon while with me on a date."

I nod, that's understandable, especially if you consider such an attraction to be bad. Melissa rolls her
eyes, "Yes, well, that wasn't the main point I was upset over. The fact that it was pokémon he was
checking out. On top of the fact that he was checking out other females, it never really seemed that his
heart was in the relationship. It was really frustrating because I was the only one trying to make
something of the relationship, and today I found out why."

The teapot starts screaming at this point so I get up and take it off the stove. "Where are your coffee
cups?"

"In the top cabinet on your right." Melissa replies and I grab a couple coffee cups out. I pour a cup of
coffee for me and a cup of the tea for Melissa.

"So why was it that the royal dick didn't put anything into his relationship with you?"

"He was just trying to break his pokephilia." Is Melissa's bitter response, "He didn't tell me that outright.
It kind of floated to the surface of his mind when he was 'trying to break it gently' that he was breaking
up with me because I had turned into a pokémon."

I pass her the steaming cup of hot tea and sip my cold coffee, "Careful, that's hot. I've been told it tastes
good with milk, but you don't drink milk. So what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know. I was already thinking about breaking up with him, but..." she says trailing off as she takes
a deep breath of the steam rising from her cup. "Oh wow, this smells amazing." I nod as she takes a sip,
"Wow. This stuff is amazing! Where did you learn to make it?"

I chuckle, unsure of how she is going to take this, "Mew actually. It's the way she likes her tea and most
other psychic types like it too." I hold up my mug of coffee, "I personally hate tea, but I love coffee."

Melissa stares at the tea for a moment then shrugs, "Whatever, it tastes great. Thanks."

"I'm glad you like it." I say with a smile, closing my eyes to watch as her aura calms from the blazing hot
pinks and blacks of her anger to a mellow, pulsing reddish gold. It's beautiful. I could just watch her
flames pulse forever.

Melissa chuckles, "It's not polite to stare, Danny."

Goddamnit!