To be a Father
I was just a young Zigzagoon when I was captured. Wandering through the meadow near my burrow, the unexpected rush of embers came out of nowhere, followed by that flash of red light and mechanical ping. I didn’t try resisting the red and white capsule; all the stories my parents would tell my brothers and sisters and I when we were little spoke of how easy life was with a trainer. No need to worry about a good meal or a warm place to sleep, good friends to watch your back, guidance in tough battles, a chance to see the rest of the world. In short, a better life than in the wild, if you could find a willing trainer that far away from civilization.
At the time, our small team consisted of Caden our trainer, myself and Samuel the Charmander. So I guess you could say by now I’m one of the veteran members of the team.
“Alright Scott, Aerial Ace one more time!”
Caden always had a penchant for battling, and our team strongly reflected that fact. We were constantly sparring against one another to stay in tip-top condition. With a loud screech, the Staraptor dove in on his target, enshrouding himself in trails of light. He was the third member to join our team, and the second-strongest behind good ol’ Samuel.
With a deft turn, Terra nimbly darted out of Scott’s path, his wingtips barely clipping her scaly green hide. With a small smirk she retaliated, flapping her large translucent wings to whip up a powerful localized sandstorm. When that Flygon was in the right mood to battle, nothing could outsmart or outspeed her.
Lynn and Drew sat off to the side, partly watching the battle but mostly just cuddling together under the shade of the nearby oak tree. Those two were a strange couple, an Azumarill and a Joltik. Never in my life would I have expected them to end up together, but Lynn took the newest member under her wing for training (actually atop her head, as that’s where the little bugger tended to sit), and things just clicked. He was getting pretty good since he joined a few weeks ago, but not quite good enough to zap Lynn into submission yet.
As usual, Samuel was standing on the sidelines with Caden cheering on his teammates and no doubt also studying their movements to give feedback after the battle. He was always like that, showing everyone how they can become better and keeping the team working together. You could say he and Caden were the glue of the team; being so similar in personality they really got along well even before I joined.
And then there was me. Wild pokémon don’t really have true names, but when we first met Caden gave me the name Noah. Not that I had much say in the matter as we really couldn’t communicate well with Caden until a few years later (Terra and Lynn still have trouble sometimes, often with humorous results). Although now a Linoone, I didn’t battle very often. Kind of my nature I guess, I preferred peacefully exploring new areas instead of fighting other pokémon. Thankfully, knowing this Caden would usually keep me out of my pokéball while we traveled on foot.
That day seemed just like any other. We were on our way to our fifth gym, taking the scenic route to get some more training in, which for me meant more downtime to scour the surrounding woodlands. I didn’t know at the time, but what I was about to find would change my life forever.
I was just looking through the roots around the base of a large ash tree when I noticed something small and round tucked carefully in one of the dark crevices. Usually such items would be a stray pokéball lost by a passing trainer, or a hidden stash of food by the local populace. This time, however, I was lost for words when I recognized the dark blue oval to be none other than a pokémon egg!
There was no scent of any other pokémon on the egg itself, so it certainly wasn’t actively being taken care of. With a bit of careful prying it gently popped out of its alcove, leaving beneath it a small, worn piece of paper. The writing on it was faded and unintelligible, but to me its message was clear.
Someone had abandoned it before it even hatched. And that almost made my blood boil.
It was a long, careful walk carrying it in my forepaws back to camp. But there was no way I was going to leave it out there alone there any longer. If no one else wanted to take care of it, I would.
Samuel was the first to sense my burdened arrival, the Charizard prodding Caden and before I knew it everyone else was up in my face.
“So, you found an egg out there.”
“I wonder what kind of pokemon is in it. A blue egg must mean it’s a...”
“Yea, yea, we all know you want it to be a nice Swellow girl. Lay off it, already.”
“Dark blue and tan. Oh, I really hope it’s another water-type.”
All the commotion simmered down as Caden made his way over to examine the egg and listen with everybody as I explained how I had found it. After I had finished and what seemed like an eternity, he stood up and announced, “Well, whatever it is we’d better get it to a pokémon center. Who knows how long it’s been sitting out there.”
Caden started recalling the rest of the team, but when he turned to me I vigorously shook my head.
“Do you want to stay out and carry it?”
I nodded. Samuel gave a low grumble, but we both knew my extra weight meant nothing to him. I curled up around the egg in Caden’s lap as the three of us took off into the late afternoon sky.
- - -
Lynn, Drew and I waited patiently as Caden spoke with the town’s daycare staff. Our first stop since getting the egg checked out at the pokémon center, we all agreed that it would be wise to research what exactly we were dealing with. Of course, of the three of us pokémon only I was paying any attention to what was being said. There was barely enough space for me the curl up snugly around the egg in question while the couple examined its outer markings. Now that it had warmed up nicely in my care, a ring of faint red ovals had appeared, dotting the circumference of the egg around where the blue shell faded to a pale tan at the base.
“A Cyndaquil, you say?” inquired Caden.
“Yes, it’s a fire-type normally given to starting trainers in the Johto region. I can’t say how it ended up around here, as I haven’t seen any of its kind for quite some time now,” the old man replied. My ears perked at the mention, but I honestly had no clue what kind of pokémon that was. In all of our years of traveling, there were still tons of pokémon species I hadn’t met yet.
“I know you get a lot of trainers passing through here. Would you be so kind as to find this egg a proper home for me?”
My head shot up as I directed my attention straight a Caden. “Wait, you’re just going to leave it here?” I protested. My grip tightened on the tiny orb.
Caden sighed, “You know as well as I do I can only have six pokémon with me at a time. I’m not going to put any of you in storage just to take it along with us.”
“Then don’t. I’ll look after it,” I responded curtly, going back to cradle the egg but keeping one eye on Caden’s reaction. I knew I was pressing my luck against Caden’s better judgement, but this little egg found its way to me. I wasn’t going to part with it easily.
After an agonizingly long pause, his face softened. “I really hope you know what you’re getting yourself into, Noah. I can’t put him in a pokéball for you, but if you want to take care of it this much, I trust your judgement.”
We left town with a shiny new case for the egg, a specially-fitted satchel so that I could strap it securely to my back as we traveled, and a ton of Cyndaquil care manuals and supplies. When Caden explained the situation to the rest of the team, everyone seemed to be thrilled at the news. Even Terra, despite usually being rather quiet, congratulated me on my ‘fatherhood’. Myself, I was elated. At the time, I felt like I was prepared for anything the future might hold in store for me.
In hindsight, no one ever is.
- - - - - - -
For what seemed like the hundredth time, I found myself dragging him through the evening air back to camp. “How many times have I told you, Aiden? Don’t go off on your own to battle wild pokémon. You could get seriously hurt.”
“But Daaaaad… How else am I supposed to get stronger?”
“Go ask Scott, I’m sure he can give you some battle practice.” After a resentful glare, Aiden stumbled through the rest of the team to the other side of the campfire, where he lay down to rest as Caden began fussing over his bruises and minor injuries. I was almost at my wit’s end with that Quilava; while I didn’t want to hover over his shoulder his whole life, I just wished he would give more thought about his choices sometimes. Maybe then he would see that antagonizing that wild Shroomish I found him fighting earlier was a recipe for disaster.
I plopped myself down next to Samuel and gave an exasperated sigh. “How can I get across to him? Since he evolved a couple months ago, he just doesn’t listen to a single thing I say.” We both watched Aiden sneeze out a small flame as he was sprayed down with an aerosol potion, then sit down to devour his dinner.
Samuel gave a rumbling chuckle, “Hehe. In case you don’t remember, you used to be like that to Caden when he first caught you.”
“Impossible. I’ve always listened to Caden.” I interjected.
“Not until after he demonstrated to you he could care for us. You were certainly impressed with him cooking that entire banquet.”
“Heh, yeah. The three of us could barely finish half of it all.” We relaxed and enjoyed our meal for a few minutes before I piped up again, “So you think he doesn’t respect me enough, is that it? We used to get along fine before...”
Samuel gave me a warm pat on the back. “It’s just a part of growing up. He certainly loves you and depends on you as family. Just give him some time to mature.”
Giving Samuel a hug and friendly nuzzle, I muttered, “Thanks. And I sincerely hope you’re right.”
- - -
I raced my way through the clumps of tall grass, stopping every few seconds to make sure he was still following my trail. After about a minute of stop and go running, I abandoned my way to hide behind a small boulder at the edge of the field as I watched my would-be pursuer pass by in the noontime sun. The stout Cyndaquil waddled past on his short legs, then gave an even squintier look at my missing trail. His eyes combed the surrounding grasses, finally resting on my hiding place. I exhaled a small breath, barely shaking the tall weeds around me, but that was enough.
“Found you, Dad!” He exclaimed, charging up and giving a headlong Tackle over the top of the rock as I poked my head up. The two of us rolled down the small hill towards the center of the meadow, finally coming to a rest among the freshly scattered dandelions. Aiden squealed with laughter every time I gently tossed him up in the air and caught him.
I held the now giggling Cyndaquil up in my forearms, “Yep, you got me good! That was a great Tackle there.”
Exhausted, we lay side by side in the grass as the sun quickly dipped below the horizon, staining the sky a deep orange, red, then midnight purple. As the twinkling of the stars began to break out across the darkened fabric, I felt him nudge me with his tiny paw.
“I’m glad you’re always there for me, Dad.”
“And I always will be, don’t you forget that,” I replied.
“I love you.”
“And I love you too. Promise me you’ll never change.” I glanced over at the Cyndaquil, now gently sleeping beneath the dim crimson sky. On the horizon, a small flicker of bright orange light shone above the treetops, followed by a thick plume of inky smoke that lazily wafted towards us in the light wind.
I shook Aiden, “Wake up. There’s a forest fire nearby we should get going to avoid.”
He grumbled semiconsciously and turned to face away from me, mumbling, “S’too early, sleep now.”
“Not now, Aiden, we r-really need to leave,” I stammered and shook him more vigorously as I watched the not-so-distant flames reach the treeline at the other edge of the meadow. Quick as a flash, the roaring wall of flames swept forward through the parched grasses at breakneck speed. The conflagration flared up impossibly high, encircling the two of us in a roiling sea of fire. In front of us a faint shadow appeared from within the fiery surface, followed by a pair of brightly glowing red triangular eyes.
I watched in terror as the rest of its four-legged body emerged from the blaze. The shadowy figure reared up, its form shifting slightly into a more rounded bipedal shape. The taller figure loomed over us in the firelight, its narrow pointed ears and sharp claws gleaming. Its blood-red eyes glared at us as a ring around the back of its neck suddenly ignited with a white-hot conflagration. The shadow gave a huge roar that would make anyone quake with terror.
“Phlooooo!”
I could only hear my words echo again and again in my head, “Wake up, wake up, WAKE UP!”
“Wake up!”
I bolted upright as a familiar tan-furred paw slapped across my face. As my vision cleared up in the morning light, Aiden stated, “Caden says we’re leaving soon, so get up,” before nonchalantly walking off to join the rest of the group.
I quietly sighed to myself, trying to shake off that horrible nightmare. While not always the same, similar dreams were starting to become more and more frequent over the past couple of months. Perhaps I should have asked Samuel about it, but up until now they hadn’t been quite so terrifying.
It would have to wait, however. We had just arrived in town the night before, and today we were going to challenge the local Gym for our eighth badge. As we entered the Gym, the distinctive crackle of electric bolts filled the air. Several pyon-shaped machines on the periphery of the room glowed a flickering blue-white, dimly illuminating the hallway to the battlefield. Clearly electric-themed, and as Caden stated at our pep-talk earlier, that made the battle choices all the easier. Being a two-on-two format, if Terra couldn’t win this on her own, I would be next in line to clean up. Despite not battling all the time, I was still one of the most reliable in a pinch.
Stepping out onto the darkened battlefield, Caden released Drew so he could watch the battle from atop Aiden’s head. Being small and frail, Drew was still hesitant to battle any intimidating opponents, but could learn a lot by watching the techniques used in the upcoming battle. The five of us, Caden, Terra, myself, Drew and Aiden stood together in the challenger’s box, waiting.
A pair of spotlights flared up, illuminating the spiky-haired leader. Clad in a bright-yellow jumpsuit, he gave a respectful wave as the announcer declared our introductions.
“This will be a two-on-two battle between the Gym Leader, Lucian, and the Challenger, Caden. Only the Challenger may substitute pokémon during the match. Begin!”
Terra jumped into the field, hovering a couple of feet above the ground. To be honest, I didn’t expect it to be much of a battle once Lucian released his Pikachu. And right I was; a quick Sand Tomb to immobilize the rodent, followed by a deft Bulldoze ended the first round quickly. How could we possibly lose with Terra’s ground-type attacks?
Lucian gave a smile and some challenging words directed at Caden before he released his next pokémon. The ball’s white light solidified into a thin, snake-like form floating above the ground. It uncoiled its navy blue body and gave a shrieking, "Eelek!" A quick pokédex summary later, Terra faced off against her new Eelektross opponent, who was now making a surprisingly fluid swimming motion through the air.
Eelektross made the first move. Readying its claws, it dashed towards Terra with a fearsome Crush Claw, hoping to immobilize her in its grip. Thankfully, Terra was used to these kinds of frontal attacks, and gracefully glided up and over the levitating eel. As she landed on the other side of the field, Terra readied another Sand Tomb to try and win the manuverability battle. From the Eelektross’ direct-line attack, it appeared that levitating without wings had its disadvantages, namely the inability to turn on a dime.
I could only imagine her surprise when the Eelektross completely reversed its direction, propelling itself almost magnetically back across the field at her tail-first! Charging what appeared to be a water-type attack in its tail, it slammed into Terra's torso releasing a watery wave upon impact and drenching them both.
"Quick, try a Dragon Claw!" I heard Caden call out. With a flap of her wings to clear the remaining moisture from the membranes, Terra once again arced elegantly over the battlefield to dive directly at Eelektross. What she and Caden didn't hear was Lucian calling out his next attack. As Terra closed in with glowing blue claws, Eelektross nimbly barrel-rolled to the side and hurled a huge glob of saliva directly at Terra. She barely managed to clip the edge of one of its fins before correctly adjusting her flight path to veer along the ground towards Eelektross, another charged attack in the other claw. But before she could reach the slippery eel a second time, the sticky glob struck her right between the wings. With a resounding crash, she plowed directly into the ground, her thin wings stuck fast to her body.
"Great Gastro Acid, Eelektross," I heard Lucian call out, "Now finish it with Crush Claw and Aqua Tail!" Helpless to unstick her wings, Terra tried to counter the head-on attack with Dragonbreath, but Eelektross merely charged through the multicolored flames with its menacing sucker mouth. A blow under the jaw with its claws and over the head with a flip of its tail was enough to down the mighty dragon.
"Flygon is unable to battle." The announcer called unnecessarily as Terra slumped to the ground. Caden quickly recalled her, both of us making a mental note to thank her profusely later for her hard work. He then knelt down to me for a strategy talk.
"Okay, it looks like that Eelektross can't maneuver as well as you can dodge, so use that to your advantage. Terra's flight paths were too predictable, so try to keep it guessing which direction you'll strike from," he suggested, "And finally, make sure that..."
We were interrupted by the announcer calling out, "The final round will be Eelektross versus Quilava! Begin!" We both gave each other a bewildering look before fully realizing exactly what was going on. My heart could only sink when I cast my gaze out onto the field and they came to rest on Aiden. Although he looked stoked and ready to go with his flames ablaze, I was sure he wasn’t prepared enough for this fight. It was a Gym battle, after all. Even for me, this battle would have been a tough one to finish. But, as Caden and I realized, rules were rules. Once the round started, there couldn’t be any more substitutions. Aiden would have to fight this one out.
I only managed to stammer out, "W-What do you think you're doing?" before Caden began taking charge of the situation and started shouting orders. Blazingly fast, Aiden let loose a sizzling barrage of embers before dashing after it with a white vapor trail. I could tell that Caden was trying to get Eelektross to move out of the way, which would make its straight-line direction known and therefore easier to hit. What the three of us didn't expect was that Eelektross' choice of direction would be straight up as he levitated effortlessly high into the air above the battlefield. Aiden skidded to a stop directly underneath the serpent, unable to do any useful damage at that height without leaving himself vulnerable to some sort of electric attack.
Eelektross once again reversed direction to zoom down towards Aiden, readying another Aqua Tail. As it crashed into the ground with a watery explosion, I couldn't help but cover my eyes and think that this battle was over. My heart was pounding like a jackhammer in my chest as the dust and mist cleared, my eyes darting through the debris for any sign of the Quilava. Instead, my vision fell on the Eelektross stuck tail-first in the ground, and a few moments later Aiden crawling out of a freshly-dug hole a few feet away.
"Now use Ember and Flame Wheel!" Caden shouted. Aiden smirked and nodded, dashing back around towards us to get a longer charge time. With the eel stuck fast and unable to use any electric attacks while in the ground, it was child's play for Aiden to execute the combination. Supercharging his flaming rollout with more embers, he struck Eelektross as it was still trying to dislodge itself from its confines. A second blow as Aiden rolled back across the field to us was too much for the eel as it finally collapsed into unconsciousness.
“Eelektross is unable to battle! And so victory goes to the challenger, Caden!”
Caden and Drew rushed onto the field to congratulate Aiden, but I hung back for a few seconds. While it had been a good battle and some quick thinking on his part, he still shouldn't have rushed in unprepared like that. Level-headed thinking, that's what he lacked, and I intended to drill that into him once and for all. But later; even I couldn't deny that he had earned the right to celebrate his victory here and now.
When we reached the pokémon center and Caden was busy at the front counter with Terra, I pulled Aiden aside from the rest of the celebrating team to speak with him. He gave me a weird questioning look but followed along anyways. Once we were secluded enough, I began.
"First of all, that was a good battle. I'm glad that you're learning to use that Dig I taught you not just for offense," I started. He began to grin from ear to ear when I interjected, "But that stunt you pulled jumping into battle without Caden's or my consent was inexcusable." Aiden's ears flattened as he realized this talk wasn't all praise and glory. His eyes, however, remained a steely dark red as I continued.
“You were unprepared for that Gym battle, you could have been seriously injured. And..." He flinched one more time as I whispered, “Only Caden, Samuel and I know about this from our first gym battle, but we could have been disqualified if they knew Caden wasn’t your registered trainer. It’s to prevent these kinds of things from happening that I keep telling you, think before you act! There was a reason I was supposed to battle that one instead of you.”
“Not like you could have done any better...” he mumbled as he turned away to rejoin the group, and with that underhanded comment I snapped. With a smarting slap across his face, I once again asserted my point.
“You may think you know everything already, but I’m trying to get you to understand that you don’t! I’m trying to pass on some of my experience to you, but you refuse to listen to any of my advice,” I lectured, my voice raised.
“That’s just it! You’re always controlling my whole life, ‘don’t do this, don’t do that’... I never get the chance to do what I want to do!” He responded, matching my shouting.
“I don’t want you get into a situation you can’t dig your way out of and only realize it when it’s too late,” I explained. “Raw battle talent isn’t as important as being smart about your actions.”
“You’re one to talk, seeing as HM slaves have neither.”
At this point, practically everyone in the center’s lobby was staring at us as Aiden turned around and stormed out the front door. After a few seconds of standing there, stunned at his retort, I started to rush after him when a clawed hand steadied my shoulder.
“Let him be. He needs some space to calm down,” Samuel advised. It took every bit of willpower to calm myself down, to tell myself that Samuel was right. As the best of friends, I completely trusted his unbiased opinion. The other trainers in the lobby quickly went back to their business, but I continued to get sideways glances from the other pokémon that had overheard the tail end of our exchange as we rejoined the rest of the group heading up to our room.
Although everyone was bummed the rest of the afternoon about celebrating our victory without Aiden, Terra deserved some recognition for her valiant effort. But all I could do through all the rejoicing was sit in the corner, thinking to myself.
When will he finally learn? What am I doing wrong?
- - -
As sunset approached and Aiden still hadn’t returned, Caden and I decided it would be best to go out and search for him. Caden stayed at the center in case Aiden returned while everyone paired up except for Samuel and I (being the most experienced) and we began combing the nearby woodlands. Dusk slowly turned into evening as I ran through the forest, stopping every so often to listen for any sign of the Quilava. The darkened forest was eerily quiet, not even a single wild pokémon crossed my path. I was about to head back to re-coordinate our search pattern when I heard the sounds of a battle nearby, followed by a few flashes of orange light in the gloomy distance.
I crept towards the ongoing conflict slowly, so as to not draw any attention. The first rule when encountering wild pokémon: don’t battle unless you need to. And getting caught up in a fight certainly wouldn’t aid my search. Cautiously, I poked my head out of a clump of bushes to observe the clearing. Illuminated by the fading sunlight, it was the only area around bright and open enough for a decent battle.
“Once more, Water Pulse!” I heard a human voice call.
An explosive impact and a sharp yelp rang out, then suddenly a dark body plowed into the ground right in front of my hiding place. As soon as my eyes crossed the wet fur and extinguished vents on his head and rear, I resolutely stepped out into the open to defend against Aiden’s overpowering adversary.
Across from us floated a tall, dark purple and brown serpent, with lots of leaf-shaped tendrils hanging from several areas on its sides and back. The broad leaflet at the tip of its tail fluttered in the air as its thin, whip-like tail swept back and forth. Atop its head lay an intimidating crimson crown, shading its blood-red eyes. Behind it stood a dark-haired trainer, clad in boots and a bright blue jacket, in the middle of throwing an empty pokéball towards Aiden’s fallen form. With a snarl, I slashed the flying orb out of the air, the debris scattering to the forest floor with a metallic clink.
“Hey! What’s the big idea?” The trainer shouted, “Dragalge and I had it, fair and square!” His pokémon gave a daunting roar in agreement, brandishing its fins menacingly as it floated by its trainer’s side.
I stood firm above Aiden’s unconscious form and declared my intent. “I’m not going to let you capture him!”
A sliver of hesitation crossed the Dragalge’s face as it looked back at its trainer. He, however, ignored the pokémon’s reluctance and ordered another attack. With a grimace, it turned to face us and dutifully launched a glob of poisonous liquid from its snout.
With lightning speed, I shoved Aiden’s limp body into the safety of the bushes and sprung to the side to dodge the attack. Dashing around the edge of the glade, I managed to sidestep the barrage of poison projectiles before I darted in for a strike. My glowing white claws slashed across Dragalge’s chest twice before it blasted me at point-blank range with the toxic sludge. Reeling from the gooey mess in my fur, I failed to notice the twirling Poison Tail before the wiry appendage smacked me upside the head, leaving a shallow cut and a sizable bruise. I snarled fiercely as I skidded across the ground and hastily jumped back on my feet. But before I could retaliate I felt a pang deep in my stomach, followed by a wave of nausea that swept through my whole body. That final confirmation that I was fighting a poison-type.
As I was doubled over in pain, the Dragalge floated closer while charging a icy-blue Water Pulse. Once it reached its maximum size, it fired the orb at close range with the intention of ending the battle, here and now.
Suddenly, I felt a surge of speed in my paws, almost as if they were moving of their own accord, rolling my body away from the blast and back up onto my feet reflexively. The attack dissipated against the ground with a loud hiss, surrounding the two of us in a thick mist. Dragalge slowly retreated into the fog, hoping to buy some time and let the poison take effect. But it wouldn’t help this Dragalge; with my ability activated and boosting my speed, I actually had a chance to win this fight.
And with Aiden’s freedom on the line, I had to.
The pain in my gut dulled to a bearable annoyance as I concentrated on locating Dragalge in the mist. Lunging forward with a sharp cutting swipe, I managed to slice off the tail end of a few of the Dragalge’s trailing vines. The plantlike pokémon cried out in pain, and I took the opportunity to launch myself out of the cloud directly at the sound of its voice with a readied slash. Each time I dashed in to attack, Dragalge was too slow to dodge any of my swipes, but it did manage to land a few minor hits, leaving several welts over various parts of my streamlined body. After a minute of repeated scuffles, I finally propelled myself for one final attack. A swirl of purple energy engulfed my form as I collided directly into the Dragalge’s midsection with a boosted Giga Impact.
Despite its trainer’s cries to get up, the Dragalge had no more will to fight. Not because it was completely out of stamina, not because I had any kind of type advantage and would surely win. But because of what I could see deep in its eyes: a glimmer of understanding. The realization that I was fighting to protect the one that I loved more than anything.
I turned to stand between the shocked trainer and the bush hiding Aiden, and growled as fiercely as an severly injured Linoone could possibly muster. As he recalled his defeated pokémon, his fingers swept past the other pokéballs on his belt and my entire body tensed. If the trainer called out another one of his pokémon to fight, I didn’t know if I could restrain myself from going after him directly this time.
Ultimately, he decided it wasn’t worth the murderous glare in my eyes, even for something as rare as a wild Quilava, and fled into the darkness and safety of the forest. Only after I lost sight and sound of his departing form did I dare breathe a sigh of relief. I immediately collapsed in a heap in the middle of the clearing, the poison finally taking its toll on my trembling frame.
I had won. Aiden was safe now, and that was all that mattered.
A soft rustle sounded in the nearby bushes, then a weary and battered Aiden limped over to my fallen form. Tears began to well up in his eyes, no matter how hard he tried to hold them back.
“I’m so, so, so sorry. I take back all those things I said earlier,” he stammered.
I patted him weakly on the head. “It’s all right, I know you didn’t mean it.”
He buried his face in my matted fur and sobbed, “I really do appreciate you looking out for me all the time.”
“And I’ll always be here when you need me,” I said.
“I love you.”
“And I love you too.”
We curled up together in the middle of the clearing, Aiden’s weak flames signaling our position to Scott and Terra patrolling the night skies. And despite having just fought the hardest battle of my life, I finally felt more at ease than I’d ever been before.
Chapter End Notes:
Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed the story!
Date:Jan 27 2014 Chapter:To be a Father
You accomplished a lot here to show the struggles of a single, adoptive parent in the context of the pokemon world. I could feel Noah's pain and stressful moments throughout, underscored by the uphill battle he faces as a mere linoone, and the vividly depicted battles helped to support your overarching plot. My only criticism is that it feels like more could easily be done with this story. Regardless, it is a worthy entry into the month's contest on its own merits, whether or not it wins the prize by default, and sets a high standard for any other submissions that may come along.
Date:Jan 27 2014 Chapter:To be a Father
• Scott is referred-to as a he first, and a she later. This may be an error.
• Terra is “downed†twice, first literally and second figuratively, with just enough separation to make it read awkwardly to me.
Reflection:
Once you got into the battles, the pacing worked well, but before that it was somewhat rough. It felt like you were careful to establish everything you thought you needed to establish, but wound up over-establishing. You touched Noah's relationship with his family (father, relevant here) but did not really use it. Lynn also had nothing to do except to count toward six; she fell into the collective noun of Caden's Team after their Pokécenter visit. I found the dream to well-deliver an insight into Noah's mindset, but it only resolves indirectly, which felt like a missed opportunity. I feel like there were at least two dramatic beats coming from it that didn't happen.
The sentiment rings true, and there really isn't anything wrong here. But, since I strive to use every part of my buffalo—even if it won't be used until another, much later story—that I can, and since I was not surprised by any of these plot developments, what sticks with me most is the stuff that I would, were I writing this which I'm not, try to develop further. (And, of course, you left this as “Complete: Noâ€, so I'm easily speaking prematurely.)
Thanks so much for the detailed review! I know I'm not a superb writer, and any pointers in the right direction are greatly appreciated.
Scott's gender switch was indeed a typo, some careless revising on my part. At the current time this is a one-shot fic, so no future chapters unfortunately. At the start when writing this, I wasn't sure how much backstory was needed and/or if I wanted to continue this storyline in the future (also, due to lack of experience writing short stories).
And yes, most of the background team members were filler to get the group up to 6 (I didn't see a good way to route the plot around this fact). But hey, Caden has a powerful team, he deserves to have the full 6 (or 7).
Date:Jul 21 2014 Chapter:To be a Father
I didn't notice any spelling errors, but I did catch several grammatical errors. Making this a really great short story.
The cliche of an over protective parent and rebellious teenager could have been left out. However the way you use that in the final scene really makes it interesting. Also I'm amused how you used your favorite pokémon in it too.
Very good job, and I hope to read more stories such as this again.