Story Notes:
My first attempt at smut. Read, rate, review, enjoy!
Chapter 1
The Isle of Dragonites held a special place in all of our hearts. The ancestral home of all dragonite, where each are born and eventually return to raise a family. This was my home, myself a dratini just entering my seventh molting cycle. It would be at least a few more before my growing days were done.
We all lived in peace and harmony here, mostly families of dragonites and their offspring. Sometimes we’d be visited by the occasional solitary dragonite. My dratini friends and I would always gather around and listen to the great adventurer’s tales of the outside, where they would fly across the open oceans and continents, braving stormy weather as they performed daring feats of rescue for people and pokémon alike. We always aspired to be just like them when we grew up. Some of my friends wanted to be strong, others just wanted to fly. Myself, I just wanted to explore the world and perhaps do my part to make it better.
On some evenings my parents and I would sit and watch the sunset over the glistening ocean. They would tell me stories about the humans that inhabited much of the outside world. Most were decent folk, always willing to help those in need. These shreds of what seemed almost like legend to me only kindled my yearning. Hold on world, I’m coming!
Every day was exactly the same. She would wait, motionless, in the depths of the cavernous sandy pit. Waiting, sometimes for days, for that one curious durant to poke its head too far over the edge. It would lose its footing on the sandy ridge, tumble down uncontrollably and with a single clamp of her huge orange jaws, have its feeble existence terminated.
Such was the life of Trapinch. Occasionally, a juicer prize like a sandshrew would show itself. In her anticipation she would lob sand at her prey, but it would usually escape, burrowing into the walls of her expertly crafted but now ruined trap.
Wait. Eat. Wait. Sleep. With sand stretching as far as the eye could see in every direction, she knew nothing else. Trapinch was content with her life, even without any inkling of what she could become.
- - -
I slipped through the seemingly endless expanse of calm waves, undulating my elongated supple body with ease. With a great cry I broke through the shining barrier into the bright rays of sunlight, jubilantly coiled around a somersaulting arc and slid effortlessly back under the water’s surface.
Man, was it great to evolve into a dragonair!
When a dratini comes of age and evolves, they must embark on a long journey of solitude. A rite of passage, to face the wide open world and find our place and purpose. Most did not return to the island until they had evolved into their final draconian form, and never without a newfound sense of duty. Myself, I certainly wasn’t going to settle down like that for a long time.
As I glided lazily through the open ocean, afternoon gradually turned to a murky dusk. Dark clouds gathered, and I could feel the comings of a rather irritating storm. Not that it mattered to me. Other pokémon would seek shelter when the weather and currents turned sour. But I didn’t just live in the ocean, I owned it. A little rain and wind was nothing.
A bright flash of light and a huge crackle sounded above the surface as the downpour started. All normal, except a small shadow in the corner of my view caught my attention. As I swam over, each burst of lightning gave me a better view of the seemingly tiny schooner precariously tipping back and forth between the towering waves. I saw ships like them in the area occasionally, but never out in this bad of a storm. As I poked my head out of the water, I saw the humans on board crying out in panic, no doubt trying to save their vessel as it churned on the waves.
I didn’t have any intention in interfering. Silly humans, trying to go where they didn’t belong. Their fate would be their fault, and theirs alone. The ship’s mast swayed back and forth, then with a low rumbling creeeeeeak the wooden pole splintered in half. I had to dodge the falling debris, I had gotten so close to the scene in my curiosity. Huge, billowing cloth flowed into the wind as the post snagged on the then-furled sails. Caught in the wind, the boat passed the point of no return and began to tip.
The once mighty ship splashed down on its side as pitiful cries of alarm sounded over the howling wind. I was just about to leave them to their fate when a faint whimper reached my sensitive ears.
The sound of a child crying.
I couldn’t just ignore that, pokémon or human. With a burst of speed, I propelled myself up and out of the water several meters or so into the air. I focused deep down, feeling the energy flowing from the blue orbs on my neck and tail, radiating outward in a bright azure glow. I hovered in the air and began humming a soft, soothing melody as waves of the pulsating aura washed over the scene below me. The winds quieted down, the rain ceased, and the waves dwindled until they were merely lapping at the edges of the partial wreckage. The wooden boat, no longer held down by the wind, righted itself with a mighty splash.
The aura of dragonair can effect peaceful weather, as the sunset now breaking through the receding clouds would attest to. But it always took its toll in a huge expenditure of energy. Now spent, I plunged back into the ocean. I only got a glimpse of the many sailors clinging to pieces flotsam, and a single young human girl’s awestruck gaze as my exhausted form slowly sank into the murky depths.
… those looks of pure joy and gratitude were without a doubt worth a few days of exhaustion.
A tiny sandshrew scampered up to the water’s edge, cautiously looked around, and began lapping at the crystal clear water of the oasis pool. A slight rustle in the grassy brush nearby did little to distract the diminutive mouse as a concealed hunter prepared to strike.
With a sudden flutter of wings, Vibrava darted out into the open and landed a direct Feint Attack into the sandshrew’s flank. The skilled huntress quickly followed up the surprise strike with a green-tinged dragonbreath attack, the powerful flames quickly knocking the sandshrew out cold. Vibrava hovered in the air for a few seconds to make sure her prey was indeed defeated, before weaving a quick victory dance in the air. This dragon wasn’t going hungry tonight!
Carefully, she dragged the fainted pokémon under the shade of a nearby palm tree, settled down on the ground and prepared to get to work with her signature acidic saliva, which was strong enough to dissolve even the hardest of tissues. Vibrava would spend the rest of the afternoon consuming the soon-to-be corpse bite by bite.
If Vibrava was paying close attention, she would have noticed the complete silence that had swept over the surrounding area, short of the occasional involuntary buzzing of her wings. Besides the faint whistle of air, nothing could be heard when the larger sandslash fell like a spiny boulder out of the treetop canopy. Only Vibrava’s quickest reflexes kept her fragile wings from being crushed to a pulp, although it didn’t help avoid the bruises inflicted by the evolved pokémon’s sharp claws as it slashed and swiped away the frail insect. The sandslash took a defensive stance over the fellow shrew and gave a raspy, “Slash!”.
Vibrava was forced to flitter away, defeated and empty-handed. Her hunger wasn’t unbearable yet, and there was always other prey to be found drawn to the oasis paradise.
- - -
It’d been several years since I finally evolved into a dragonite. After exploring the wide-open seas all over the world, it was about time, too. I hadn’t returned home to the Isle though, if I could call that ‘home’ anymore. It wasn’t exactly time for me to be raising a family yet. No, I had instead decided to learn more about humans, in their world. After saving that ship on that stormy evening, I found I couldn’t turn away from those I could easily help.
For now, I had settled down on the southern outskirts of the city the humans called Rustboro, In a small cave on the forest’s edge. Even stocked full of all the comforts and perks that humans had invented to make life easier, gifts from a friend for helping him out with his job every now and then.
Footsteps through the autumn leaves outside and a loud knock at the entrance interrupted my peaceful morning thoughts. “Dragonite, you awake in there? I got today’s newspaper for ya,” a voice called out. A middle-aged man I knew by the name Cutter entered, clutching the rolled up paper with one hand and a mug of coffee in the other. “I know you like to keep up with local events.”
I nodded my thanks and began skimming through the headlines as he continued. “I got another cord of firewood that needs to be delivered to old man Briney at his cottage sometime this week, he’s running low again. Get that done, and I’ll see if I can fix you up one of them old PokéNavs I have lying around somewhere. Pretty handy when traveling abroad.” I lazily gave him a thumbs up, the paper still obscuring my face from view. There was an interesting article about some commotion that occurred in the eastern part of the region, something about a crazy weather disturbance near Sootopolis City. I pointed the article out to Cutter and gave him an inquiring look.
“Yea, that’s been circulating through the rumor mill like crazy. Get this, I heard that two super-rare legendary pokémon were involved, as well as the league champion himself!” He prattled on and on about which legendary pokémon it could have been, meanwhile I tried to remember my travels through that ocean when I was a dragonair. The eastern sea of the Hoenn regions were prime migration routes for carracosta and wailmer towards their winter feeding grounds, especially around this time of year. No doubt they would be riled up from all that freaky weather.
I met with quite a few carracosta during my travels, and boy were they strong. If they weren’t careful, they could punch a hole straight through the hull of a tanker by accident, let alone what they could do if their mind was behind it. With several shipping lanes in the area, I could only imagine how much harm they might cause.
Hauling firewood would have to wait. If I left now, I could make it to Lilycove by nightfall, and Sootopolis the next day.
I got up and motioned at the article to Cutter, myself, and then at the sky. It wasn’t the first time I had departed for the scene of a disaster, and he knew what I meant. With a sigh, he threw up his arms and muttered something about getting another pokémon to haul the load. We had a mutual understanding, so I wasn’t worried about souring our friendship. Without another word, I took wing into the morning sky.
Normally, when traveling to the eastern coast I would take my time and fly around the huge desert east of Lavaridge Town. But as my luck would have it, the skies were clear, not a sandstorm in sight, so I plowed straight ahead. It would only take me a couple of hours to pass through.
I shouldn’t have risked it, but hindsight is always 20/20.
About halfway through the sandy expanse, I noticed a small brown cloud on the horizon. I would have been long gone before it arrived, but this one was different than any sandstorm I’d seen before. It closed in on me in minutes when it should have taken hours, snaking across the landscape faster than a weather system could possibly move. In a flash, I was consumed by howling winds and blasting sand, barely able to see more than a dozen meters in front of me. Fortunately, my hardened scales protected me from most of the storm’s fury, but alas I could not continue to fly with my wings exposed to the irritating sand. With a long groaning cry, I descended to the ground and alighted at the base of a rocky outcrop, to wait out the raging storm.
What I certainly didn’t expect was the spiny blow to the back of my head, and to hear the shuffling of roots through the rippling sand as I fell unconscious.
With the sun high in the sky, Flygon put forth another burst of speed, skimming across the tops of dunes and leaving in her turbulent wake a growing trail of agitated dust. By now, she knew every nook and cranny of her territory, encompassing the three nearby oases and extending to the mountainous eastern edge of the desert. Flygon paid the blustering sand stirred up by her paper-thin wings no heed, her eyes protected by the red membranes unique to her species. The rest of the desert inhabitants, however, quickly scurried into their various homes and shelters whenever she approached. Once the sand was stirred up in the air, the winds fueled by the blistering sun would keep the sandstorm raging for quite a while.
It was just another routine trip between one of the many oasis scattered across the arid desert, when prey at one location grew thin. In fact, Flygon had no intention of stopping until she heard an unfamiliar wail.
“rah-Gooooooon!”
To Flygon, it sounded like a call for help, even possibly from another of her species. They were few and far between, and even for such an experienced desert-dweller, the rocky crags she just passed over were home to a rather ferocious band of cacturne. Any injured pokémon wouldn’t last long in such an unforgiving environment.
She pivoted in midair and retraced her flight path, shielded eyes scanning for the slightest trace of anything through the veil of sand. The tiniest of movements caught her attention, and she snapped to focus on a round, green arm disappearing behind a jagged rock. Flygon descended to the location and peered around the corner of the smooth stonework, sculpted by wind and sand over the ages.
A group of five green cacturne stumbled around the small clearing, dragging a large body behind them. The air was calmer there, partially blocked by the enormous towering rocks that jutted into the sky along the perimeter. One gave a raspy call to the others and they immediately halted, dropping their load onto the sandy floor.
Flygon abhorred anything to do with gangs of cacturne. They were mostly scavengers, and at times ambush hunters, more aggressive than the flocks of mandibuzz in the sky and groups of them more menacing than the lone garchomp that also roamed the desert. Although Flygon had never been directly attacked, there were more than enough times where she was forced to give up her hard-earned prey.
The orange beast clearly was unconscious, but Flygon had never seen another pokémon of that species before. It certainly wasn’t another flygon, but deep down she felt a sort of kinship with the creature, whether it be from the shape of the folded wings or the curving tail on the ground.
The lead cacturne raised an arm above its head and gave a loud shriek. Large, sharpened spikes popped out of the end. Wielding it like a mace, he brutally swung downwards, drawing blood on the unconscious pokémon’s flank. As the rest of the group began to follow, Flygon decided enough was enough.
This was her territory, and if she chose to intervene, it was her right.
No one could hear the gentle buzz of wings over the brutal cacophony. A slight zephyr washed past the group, and everyone looked around to face the unseen intruder. A tense moment passed, then quick as a flash a red-rimmed fan of diamonds swept out of the shadows and pressed against the neck of one of the cacturne. Flygon stepped into the light, her antennae swaying lightly in what breeze managed to penetrate the surrounding rocks. She buzzed her wings as a warning for them to cease their actions.
The leader pointed an spiny arm at Flygon and with a shout, the rest of the company toddled over slowly. Without another thought, Flygon slit her captive’s throat with her razor-sharp tail fan. Large globules of dark brown blood spurted from the wound and instantly evaporated in the air, the sand rejoining its brethren swirling in the storm. She clawed ferociously at two more of the shambling pokémon, leaving large gashes across their abdomen, before finally taking to the air and swooping directly at the leader. Flygon swung her tail in midair, landing her arcing blow right where she intended. Slowly, the cacturne’s head slid off its still-standing body and fell to the ground like a tumbleweed. The rest of the group screamed their retreat and backed off out of the clearing and into the depths of the sandstorm.
Satisfied and breathing heavily in the thick air, Flygon surveyed her prize. A bit pudgy compared to the other dragons of the desert, but it had nice strong wings and a powerful tail. Nevertheless, it was wounded, and she wouldn’t leave it for the other scavengers to find. With great difficulty, Flygon dragged the huge body out into the lessening sandstorm, across the sandy dunes, and made for a nearby cave.
I gradually awoke to a dull throb beating rhythmically in my head. Clutching my head, I sat up on what I thought was the soft nest in my home cave. Ugh, what happened? As I opened my squinty eyes I jumped with a start when I recognized that no, this was not my cave. A droning whistle from the wind echoed through the chamber from the entrance around the corner. The sunlight blazed forth and illuminated the opposite wall with such brilliant intensity it hurt to gaze directly at it. Too bright to be late afternoon, I must have been asleep the entire evening and night.
I found myself sitting on a flat, rocky shelf in the corner of the cave. Beside me lay a round green, bowl filled with water, and I realized that my mouth was parched and practically full of sand. With haste I downed the crystal clear fluid, savoring it to the very last drop.
I didn’t hear the low buzz at the entranceway, nor notice the silhouette on the wall until my thirst was quenched. By the time I finally looked up, drops of water dripping from my chin, the diminutive flygon was already halfway across the room. I had only seen pictures of flygon in some of the books I’d procured from the Rustboro library, somewhat mythical pokémon they were. Sure, you’d see a few of them raised by the odd experienced trainer here or there, but very few of them traveled through Rustboro City. In the city and surrounding valley and forest, I was probably the rarest pokémon resident.
Most dragon-types weren’t scared of each other, partly because we’re on average stronger than other pokémon, and partly because any sort of serious confrontation would have dire consequences for both parties involved. This usually resulted in a sort of rivalry and affinity for each other, down to the level of natural instinct. As a result, I did not fear her approach, but mentally prepared for the worst just in case.
Slowly creeping up on all fours cautiously, Flygon was almost upon me before I stammered out, “W-who are you?” I tried to stand up, but a sharp pain in my legs and tail forced me back into a supine position. She made no reply, but shrunk back at my voice and sudden movement, almost as if stung. With beady black eyes encased behind bulbous red membranes, I could see her watching me very closely.
In one of her claws she clutched a diamond-shaped bowl, with leafy barbs sticking out of each corner, filled with an assortment of multicolored berries. At this sight, my belly rumbled something fierce, and I realized I hadn’t eaten anything since I departed yesterday.
Flygon edged closer and held out the bundle of berries to me, which I gratefully accepted, careful to not make any sudden movements. “If you’re the one who save me from that sandstorm, you have my thanks,” I spoke softly. She blinked once and although I could tell she didn’t understand my words, the meaning made it through clearly. As I feasted on the meal, Flygon just sat in the opposite corner staring at me, her wings buzzing involuntarily every few minutes or so.
Although Flygon had never seen such a pokémon before, after living alone in the desert for so long now she certainly knew exactly how to properly attend to each of Dragonite’s wounds. A palm leaf poultice for the cuts, a rawst berry ointment for the sunburns, an oran juice for energy, and he would be well enough to fly in a couple of days.
He kept talking incessantly, even though she didn’t respond to many of his comments. Being out of practice, it took a while for her pokémon speech to return to her. Once it did, however, she enjoyed listening to Dragonite’s tales about the world beyond the desert’s borders. The tall ‘buildings’ that humans erected to live in, the dense forests full of life, open oceans infinitely deep. Being so comfortable and at home in the dry sandy environment, she had never given any thought about leaving her territory, let alone contemplate what those lands would be like.
When she could get a word in, Flygon spoke about her desert. About how the rolling dunes blasted to smithereens when she flew over them, or how exhilarating it was to race the garchomp in the adjacent territory whenever they met, in a agile display of flying skill. In a way, it was rather nice, having company to actually sit and talk calmly with.
It made her feel… safe. Trusted. Alive. It had been a long time since she had felt that kind of attachment to another pokémon.
Over the next few days she tended to Dragonite as he healed and grew stronger. During that time he lingered like an uninvited ghost in her thoughts, even when she was out gathering food and water. She never realized just how much of an effect living alone could have on her until now.
Alighting softly in the cool evening sand, Flygon stepped into the cave with a fresh gathering of berries. Dragonite was sleeping peacefully on his ledge as she approached and set down the hat of fruit next to the gently flickering fire and crude cranial water bowl. She checked his wounds and was happy to see that they were almost healed, especially the cuts and abrasions near his wings. The deeper gashes on his abdomen and legs needed more time, but he would be able to fly come morning.
She slumped against the opposite wall, worn out from her repeated trips to and from the nearby oasis. Looking up, she gazed on Dragonite’s dozing form, his soft belly rising and falling with a steady rhythm.
Flygon still couldn’t get Dragonite out of her head. What would he be like once he was healed? She had never had close contact with a male pokémon before, as the desert was sparsely populated. And although she knew what his ‘parts’ should look like from her many prey dissections, she couldn’t help but wonder about him specifically.
As if on cue, Dragonite rolled belly-up on his crude bed, and Flygon let out an inaudible gasp. A red tip steadily emerged from the fold between his thighs. Dragonite squirmed in a dream of his as it grew slowly, reaching a final size longer and thicker than her own forearm.
The mere sight of that magnificent phallus was enough to moisten her hidden slit. Unsure of how to react, Flygon lay in the corner propped up on her back, shuddering at the warmth that began to spread through her nether region. She knew of only one way to satisfy her lust, and with a flip of her tail she brought the diamond fan to rest next to her damp opening. Flicking the tip to and fro, she lightly slid it along her clit, teasing herself with a wave of tingling pleasure, a preview of what she was about to experience.
Flygon guided the oblong shape into her own depths. It slid in smoothly, a motion practiced on many a desert night. As the fan hilted at the diamond’s widest point, Flygon let out an involuntary moan of pleasure. She flexed the muscles in her tail, pumping the fan in and out of her pussy, now dripping with juices.
Withdrawing the three-pronged fan for a second, she sniffed the tantalizing fluid coating the surface of her tail and slathered messily over her crotch. Giving it a lick, it tasted as sweet as it smelled, but there was another scent in the air that she did not recognize. Her eyes followed her nose around the room, tracing the musky smell all the way back to Dragonite’s large cock. A small drop of pre-cum sat on the tip, drawn forth unconsciously by Flygon’s arousing scent. For a fleeting instant, Flygon wondered what it would taste like, but no, she thought to herself, she couldn’t possibly... but he was asleep, he would never know the difference if she had a little bit of fun.
Never really having any experience with another male before, curiosity got the better of her. Flygon sat herself gently on Dragonite’s tail and gave a small lick on the shaft to test the waters. Dragonite stirred a little in his sleep, but no more than his normal tossing and turning at night. Growing more adventurous, she rolled her tongue around the tip, tasting the clear bead of pre-cum sitting there. It was somewhat salty, with a slight tang that absolutely drove her wild. With a renewed vigor she dove back on the throbbing member, eager to coat every inch of it in her saliva. Suckling the tip gently, she was rewarded with another dribble of pre-cum which she promptly lapped down. Completely oblivious to everything else, she cupped her mouth over the glistening rod and swirled it around with her tongue, tasting every inch of Dragonite’s manhood.
The dream I was having was better than most nights. Met a pretty dragon lady, this time a stunningly cute charizard. Her scent was captivating, making me feel enamored and lightheaded just from thinking about it. We were just getting down to business when her charming form suddenly fizzled and dissipated like smoke on the wind. But my arousal wasn’t fading. In fact, I could still feel the pleasure originating in my crotch still coursing through my body. It was so intense I gave an involuntary shudder, snapping me from my dreamy state. I cracked open my eyes, but when I saw the dark green head bobbing up and down on my crotch, I wondered if I was still imagining things. This thought was cleared from my mind by another wave of pleasure, only to be replaced by the realization that this was real, and of who it must be.
Come on, think fast, I said to myself, snapping my eyes shut again. I was fine with her forwardness, as we had gotten to know one another over the past few days. If she wanted to satiate her desire, I had no problem with it.
She hadn’t noticed that I was awake yet, and I didn’t want to startle her so much that she stopped. As another rush of bliss racked my body, I purposefully let out a small moan. Flygon’s silky movement froze, a mortified look on her face at being caught without permission. With a smile, I cracked open an eye and muttered, “Don’t stop now, it was just getting good.” At the same time, I slowly raised a hand and gently stroked Flygon on the cheek, carefully wiping away a bit of drool.
Flygon was still petrified, unsure if she should continue now that I was awake. Thankfully, this only lasted for a few more seconds before she saw the horny look in my eyes and returned to her activities. This time she swallowed as much of my member as she could fit in her mouth, and I cried out in ecstasy. Her soft, squishy tongue expertly twirled around my rod in the warm confines of her maw. I felt her tail writhing around in the air and coiling around mine before finally coming to rest with the tip inside her own swollen lips.
I moaned out in pleasure once more as Flygon quickened her pace, now bobbing upon the entire length of my malehood. Her mouthwork felt incredible on my sensitive flesh, much better than any blowjob I’d had before. Deep within my abdomen I could feel the impending orgasm approaching, slowly building up with every passing second.
“I’m… ahhh… getting close,” I warned, not sure if she wanted me to finish in her mouth or not. Flygon paid it no heed, continuing to draw every ounce of the now copious pre-cum out of me. The sounds of her slurping echoed around the cave, as well as that of my own heavy breathing. Flygon perked her large green antennae and gave me the most seductive look through her large red eyes, and at that I finally crossed over the edge.
My cock throbbed as I spurted out several jets of creamy white cum. Flygon’s mouth exploded off my rod after the first squirt, leaving a thin strand of seed hanging between the two. The rest of my cum fell in long, stringy globs across her scaly face as she tried to catch the rest in her open mouth. As I lay basking in my euphoric high, Flygon busily wiped down her face making sure to consume every drop she could gather in her claws. My member began growing soft, the remaining juices leaking out in a gentle drip.
“That was amazii...aahhhh!” I tried to complement but Flygon had other plans. With a delicate buzz of her wings she jumped up onto my abdomen and flattened me back against the ground. I could feel her dripping wet pussy grinding directly on top of my member as she rubbed it back and forth, clearly trying to get the flaccid shaft lively again. For the first time that night, she spoke.
“Shhh… I want to know what it’ll feel like,” she whispered in my ear, and before I could react she pressed her lips to mine in a passionate kiss. I could taste my own fluids mixed with her saliva and to be honest, it was really sexy in a way. That, coupled with her semen-coated face, certainly got the party started for me. As if on cue, my rod eagerly poked both of us in the belly and Flygon sat upright. Hovering gently with her humming wings, she slowly lowered herself down, guiding my meat with her claw to its destination. We were both holding our breath for the moment of truth, and without another second she pounded down. I gasped as my sensitive flesh was enveloped in her velvety soft folds.
With the aid of her wings, Flygon began bouncing up and down on the rock-hard pole. I squirmed at the intense feeling inside her tight orifice, now lubricated not only with her juices but my own as well. There was little for me to do besides lay back and and moan with every spring. Flygon had complete control at this point and she was vigorously exploiting that fully. She bucked at a steady speed, her fresh juices dribbling down my cock every time she lifted up. The soft squelching echoed with her beating wings to fill the chamber, the rhythms matching up perfectly.
Flygon had never felt anything like it before, the stiff phallus pounding deeper than she could ever reach with her tail alone. She entwined her tail around mine as my wide cock filled her insides, making her feel fuller than she thought possible. Flygon could have sworn there wasn’t nearly that much vacant room inside her, but nonetheless I fit snugly. Not content with my passive position, I began humping up in sync with her, forcing my rod ever deeper into her voluptuous sex. Flygon was now hilting me on every single thrust, and we both moaned with every contact.
Flygon was rather close to coming, but she wanted to hold out as long as possible, if only so she could ensure I reached my threshold as well. What she didn’t know was that I was in absolute bliss, her slippery walls squeezing with just the right amount of friction. I doubted I could have lasted longer than she could anyways, and I wasn’t about to let her go unsatisfied through our session. I raised a claw and located her drenched slit, feeling around for that fleshy nub I knew was there. Flygon gasped as the claw reached its mark, sending her into an uncontrollable series of convulsions as she finally came. Her walls trembled around my cock, milking it as a fresh wave of juices exploded around it.
I couldn’t hold back any long as I cried out, “Ahh… ahh!” and climaxed for the second time. Flygon could feel my hot, sticky seed flooding into her womb and filling up every nook and cranny, just as plentiful as before. A small dribble leaked out of her engorged lips, mixing with her clear juices covering my belly.
Exhausted, Flygon immediately collapsed upon my chest and emitted a small, whimpering moan as my penis shifted position inside her. I lightly hugged her thin body in my arms, the two of us drifting to sleep as my member slowly softened between us.
As dawn broke across the wall of the cave and filled the space with a warm golden glow, we both awoke in each other’s arms. Flygon checked on my healing wings one last time to make sure I was flight-ready and, remembering our activities last night, led me to the nearby oasis so we could wash off.
Although I rather liked her and she me, we both knew that our lives were far too disparate for us to ever be truly happy together. I had a life, things I needed to do. She had her desert, unwilling to leave her natural habitat. With a heavy heart I said my goodbyes and took off, heading east towards the morning sun.
As I soared higher in the sky, I could hear a raspy but melodious singing drifting on the wind, and I had little doubt who that was. Perhaps I would make a rest stop on my return journey.
Chapter End Notes:
Pokédex Notes
- Dratini are full of life energy. It continually sheds its skin and grows steadily larger.
- Dragonair stores an enormous amount of energy inside its body. It is said to alter weather conditions in its vicinity by discharging energy from the crystals on its neck and tail.
- It is said that Dragonite has an impressive build that lets it freely fly over raging seas without trouble, rescuing drowning people. Somewhere in the ocean lies an island where these gather. Only they live there.
- Trapinch is a patient hunter. It digs an inescapable pit in a desert and waits for its prey to come tumbling down. They can go a whole week without access to any water.
- Vibrava generates ultrasonic waves by violently flapping its wings. After making its prey faint, it melts the prey with acid.
- Flygon hides itself by whipping up a sandstorm with its wings. Red covers shield its eyes from sand. Its wings create a series of notes that sound like singing. Because the “singing” is the only thing that can be heard in a sandstorm, this pokémon is said to be the desert spirit.
- Sandslash are adept at climbing trees. It rolls into a spiny ball, then attacks its enemies from above.
- Carracosta can live both in the ocean and on land. A slap from one of them is enough to open a hole in the bottom of a tanker.
- After spending thousands of years in harsh deserts, Cacturne’s blood transformed into the same substances as sand.
Date:Jul 1 2014 Chapter:Chapter 1
Date:Jul 2 2014 Chapter:Chapter 1
And the opening segments match the Pokedex entries perfectly, so you got my vote for the June Contest!
Thank you, it's nice to hear good feedback from readers.
Out of curiosity, is the word mix-up you were referring to effect/affect? Because that use about the weather was intentionally "effect", or to bring about change.
Date:Jul 2 2014 Chapter:Chapter 1
Looks like you did a pretty good job incorporating the contest theme as well, so good job there. I noticed on your profile that you're looking for feedback to improve, so with that in mind, I'll do my best to structure my commentary in that direction.
Your technical skill is quite strong, which is nice to see --few grammar/syntax errors, most of which are simply fixed by having a second pair of eyes to look over your work to catch things you might miss. Reading backwards over your own work is also a good way to help catch these.
I liked your use of descriptive language --not overly obtrusive, but placed within the prose in flavorful amounts.
Your structure and flow of story were generally sound, and while the 'turning point' to a sex scene happened rather quickly, that's to be expected from lemons, and for a first try at it, you still pulled it off pretty well. :)
Moving on to some of the main sticking points I noticed:
- Flexible POV.
It's perfectly acceptable to use multiple POVs in a story, and even to change the perspective of those POVs. However, they must be properly separated. I noted that during the lemon portion, the POV broke into omniscient with no real rhyme or reason. For example:
"At the same time, I slowly raised a hand and gently stroked Flygon on the cheek, carefully wiping away a bit of drool.
Flygon was still petrified, unsure if she should continue now that I was awake. Thankfully, this only lasted for a few more seconds before she saw the horny look in my eyes and returned to her activities."
Generally, you want to stick with your established structure, even for short fiction. If you want it to be omniscient, that's fine, but it should start that way as opposed to switching halfway through. Another thing to consider is 'emotional distance'. This is the amount of hypothetical 'space' between the reader and the narrator. Do you want your reader to be right inside the characters head, or far away? Is there a 'god' narrator? Are they a character too? How close is the reader to them?
Whatever case you choose, the emotional distance needs to be maintained and consistent.
- Self narration
This is a very common error when writing first person POV. It's the 'translation' of third person conventions into the first person, which aren't needed or sound out of place.
For example:
" I realized that my mouth was parched and practically full of sand"
"I didn't hear the low buzz at the entranceway,"
"By the time I finally looked up, drops of water dripping from my chin,"
Anything which is externalized can't be expressed in the first person self, such as seeing ones own face without a reflection, etc. Additionally, be on the lookout for red flag phrases such as, "I looked, I saw, I felt," etc. When we're in first person, we don't need to narrate these passive 'experience' actions. They simply happen to the POV character. Instead of, "I realized my mouth was parched," it can be, "My mouth was parched."
- Echolalia
This is a fancy phrase for repetition. Not so much individual words, but tone and rhythm. I noticed much of the writing to follow a particular pattern and structure with very little variance. An easy way to find it is by sounding out your writing or reading aloud. This is a difficult habit to break, but once you begin to notice it, you can work at strategically altering your rhythm, which leads to much more vibrant and interesting writing. :)
Anyhow, that's about all I have for this piece. It's a solid entry, and you have the skills to take your writing to the next level with a bit more work and practice. I do hope that you find these comments useful! Like any art, writing is a constant process of evolution.
All the best,
-Reno
Thanks, this is exactly the kind of feedback I was looking for! Concrete points that I can look out for and improve upon in future stories.
About the POV, the switch to omnicient near the end was an intentional experiment and I wasn't sure if it could work with the story or not (I guess it didn't).