wow that's dark... Interesting read though, I didn't find many errors and all the grammar seems to be in place. good work, I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

... Somewhat reminds me of how our society is today.
Good job, this is all well written, however you did make several errors. For example; you used 'there' when it should have been 'their' or 'they're'.
And for the paragraphs, they're all too spaced out, try and look at printed books for help. Yes, I realize this is just an online short story, but you might as well make it as grammatically correct as possible.
Again, well done, I look forward to reading the next chapter.

This is promising. I quite like what you've done here. 
That being said, there could be some formatting and flow corrections, but it's mostly all there, and it looks very nice.
I like the way you explained away all of the evolutions; I think it would be harder for me to just pick one eeveelution!