AGNPH Stories

Selfie Stick by Flygon


What did I do?

I groaned lightly, rolling about in my bed. I had a whopper of a headache, and my muscles ached everywhere.


I knew I shouldn't have drunk that thing. That wonderful delicious magical liquid of which filled my stomach wonderfully and made me feel happy as a blimp and high as one too!


Ooh, how I kept drinking it down, it's strong fragrant taste bouncing around in my mouth, on my tongue, and down my throat into my stomach. The more I had, the better I felt! It was like the drink of the gods!


Oh, to have more, my friends said. You'll feel good! You'll never regret it! You'll truly have the confidence to pick up the chicks! You'll feel big, you'll feel great, you'll feel all-powerful! You'll never ever regret it!


But noooooo. I regret it very much. I rubbed at myself, trying to ease the huge feeling in my body. 


Nope. No chicks, no good feeling. All a lot of time wasted, and absolutely nothing to show for it. I kept rubbing my forehead, my muscles not wanting to move. Whatever I did last night, it's caught up to me.


And all that money blown on wine... wonderful delicious wine. Simply not worth it.



But, I had to get up. I rolled towards my bedside table, and grabbed my phone. With a press of my finger, a white blinding light hits my eyes. It's an all-too-common occurrence, one that happens every time I do this, first thing after waking up. Another part of the daily routine, so to say. But quickly enough, my eyes refocus, and the grassy hills on the screen present themselves to me once again.


Fourteen Twenty-Seven. Fourteen Twenty-bloody-Seven. The clock doesn't lie, that is indeed the time. If it wasn't a Saturday, I'd be pretty damn upset with myself, y'know? 


So, the usual routine plays itself through. My arms crouch, and push myself off the bed. My legs swing, and hit the ground. The body doesn't want this, but I sure as hell know it needs this. I stretch my body, it hurts, but I know it helps. The headache remains, but that'll be sorted soon enough.


I start my pace toward the kitchen, tails finally departing the bed, the ruffled up blankets hanging off the edge. I keep my phone in my hand, gonna have to do something while daytime TV is on. I mean, Knight Rider is nice and all, and I suppose Baywatch isn't all that bad. But there's only so much Hoff I can have in my life 'til it overwhelms me, man.


Across scraggly carpet, my footpaws dragging on along it. Soon enough, the carpet ends, and the vynil starts. I'm close to the fridge now. The white metallic surface of it, shiny, covered in magnets. Bringer of life.


This ultimate household appliance of which my body situates itself in front of, the hand of which engrasping the magnificent handle that unlocks the final barrier to the cure of this insufferable headache and pain in the muscles.


And so, I pull the door open. The fingers of my handpaws grasped around the handle tightly. I cannot fail this. I mustn't, and I will not. Without failure, without hesitation, I pull back! Oh, the most wonderful sound! The sound of the seal breaking open. It's almost like a kiss, from the most wonderful big fat sexy lady you can imagine, right on both of your ears. She's taller than I am, she's wider than I am, and she's sure as hell got a bigger ass than I do.


And my god, is she beautiful.


And her door opens, her racks presenting themselves to me! Ooh, the many large big racks! Ooh, the many foods and other many things of which people consume to enhance their daily lives! It's wonderful, it's brilliant. It would not be life without this fridge.


And so, I reach between her delectable rack, rummaging around... finding what I most desire, most need!


And I find it. It's cold, it's somewhat squishy. And it has the sort of milk I utterly most desire and require.


Dare Iced Coffee. “Dare Fix'll Fix it”, I muttered. I grabbed it, retrieving it from the fridge. With a swing of my body, I turn myself around, tails grabbing the handle and closing the fridge door with a smack.


And so, at the bench, I sit myself. The light filters in from the curtains, much to the chargin of my eyes. So, I flop off, mumbling, back onto the ground. 


And once again, one begrudging step after another, toward the couch. Well, more of a chair than a couch. In fact, more of a recliner than a chair. The point is, the ass groove is perfected, the back molded to perfection, and legs comfy as hell.


And so, I turn. And a flop. Remote by my side, I press “Power”. And, so it turns on. Far slower than I'd like, in fact. Y'know, I remember one of my old TVs, a nice lil boxy CRT. You'd flick the power button, and almost immediately you'd get the audio. Flick around a few channels, hit the channel with the right sound, and bam, the picture comes on, exactly what you want. And no delay between channels, either!


But, nope. Poor thing died just as digital became a thing. And this was the only TV I could afford. Some crappy 42 inch LCD with terrible blacks, an unbearable delay between channels, and overall runs like a craptacular Chinese car.


But at least the movie on was good. Just the start, too. Aye, it never did happen to the other guy!


So I sat back, and relaxed. The song and intro of the movie starting... I looked around. My blinds were still closed. I'dve liked to open them, but... well, not exactly keen on the neighbours looking in for a shock, man.


'course, following those thoughts, I looked at myself, too... and, well, I was in for a bit of a shock! My sheath, my balls, holy hell, man. They were huge!


How in the hell... how didn't I notice they were there? Good god, wakeup grogginess is worse than I could've imagined... then again, the headache, body ache, they certainly would've helped.


Man, oh man... what the hell did I do last night? They weren't like this before!


I had to dig down to this. I swiped open my phone... and it automatically opened my gallery. Photos, photos everywhere! Of my penis. From small to big... all erect.


What? What did I do! I stepped back to the home menu... to find a crapload of unread messages in my inbox. I knew I'd dread it. And yet, I pressed it.


Messages from my friends, messages from unknown numbers, messages from people that I haven't heard of in years... 


Going by the previews on the texts... everyone knew what happened. Except me.


I rubbed my forehead a bit more, this was giving me a bigger headache... I went to my contacts, and sighed. I'd only get one straight answer, and that was from Shelly.


I admitted I dreaded it, but this had to be sorted. I pressed my finger, and it rang. I leaned my head to the side, turning the TV down, ear rested on the speaker...


After a few ring tones, I get an answer, without me even saying a word, “Hey! Man, you're everywhere! Like, on the news, on the 'net, even on the newspaper!”, all I could do was sit slackjawed with an “Uuuuhh” through the phone, she went on, “Man... Kassi, like... I knew when she was mixing drinks, it was going to be interesting, but I didn't expect him to mix in that growth serum!”, growth serum... seriously? I mean, I knew she worked in chemical engineering, but, seriously?... “I mean, sure, it was all an accident of course, same bottle as the vodka, y'know?”, she laughed a bit, “You were so drunk! You didn't even notice the flavour was off!”


I groaned, I didn't remember a thing... all of this, because I was drunk? Because of an accident? “You got a bit wild, admittedly, taking photos of yourself... we managed to stop most of them from being uploaded, but, well...” she giggled, “A few slipped through!”


She stopped, and paused... “You don't remember a thing, do you!” she asked, giggling a bit more, I shook my head... then realized this was a phone call, “N-nope.” I quickly replied, a tad nervous... I'm in way over my head! “Well... let's just say that serum was never suppose to be released to the public. So, if anyone asks, just say you got a second puberty!”, she tried to hold back her laughter, snorting a fair bit. Not entirely amusing me, of course.


So, then, I had to ask the question, “Well... what am I suppose to do? My balls are bloody huge, and my cock's a damn battering ram!”, I was kinda unsure, scared, by this point. “Well, iunno, man! You're a celebrity now! Hand me a spare million by the end of the day, alright?”, she giggled a bit more, “But, seriously man. I asked Kassi, she said it's irreversible. Just gotta live with it, rake in the money, and relax. This's your life now!”


I sighed, and laid back, sinking into the couch, closing my eyes, “Hey... listen. I know you probably don't want this, but... well”, she paused, “You were seeking work anyway, right? Well... you're the biggest porn star in the world now! I mean, sure. You were sexy beforehand, goodness knows I know that all too well, but...” I could tell she was smiling... it didn't take a genius to guess that, “But now everybody wants you! But, one thing, man. Just, one thing...” I tilted my head a bit, ear closer to the speaker, “And I know you don't want to do this. We're close friends and all, and I really do like you. And I know you absolutely do not want to hear this from me, but it's extremely important that you do this.”, I still kept on listening, making a sort of “Mmm?” sound to her.


I could hear her pausing... it was something she didn't want to say, it was something she didn't want me to hear, but knew that she had to say it to me. Then, she spoke, “Ring your Mother, alright? She's worried sick about you, she's been hearing all the news on TV, and... well, she's heard about it!”


I groaned... that really was the last thing I wanted to do!

Chapter End Notes:

Sorry for it being a bit short, and a bit messy. It was only intended as supplimentary material!

No comments posted
No reviews posted