AGNPH Stories

The Human Species by RingsOfSaturn


Story Notes:

It was a quiet night when Deoxys descended from the heavens.
Believed to not be of this world, it went on a rampage, leaving death and destruction in its wake.
Finally defeated by an unknown force, the tragedy of unparalleled magnitude it created remains in the heart of every human.
To make sure that something like this will never happen again, every wild Pokèmon powerful enough to cause such mayhem must be captured, controlled or killed.
Needless to say, this year has been a bad year for Legendaries. This year has also been a bad year for Champion Trainers.
But my year... Has been... THE WORST! 

Twisted Pokémon Professor

- - - - - - - - - - -

"Tighter!" someone said, "I don't want him moving an inch!"

"What, afraid he might bite?" someone else said.

Lucario slowly regained his consciousness, relieved that he had escaped death in his sleep once more. Keeping a track of time in his windowless cell was as hopeless as the Dragonair had claimed, but his rumbling stomach told him that he had been imprisoned far too long. He could barely see, and everything he heard a strange distortion to it.

"These things can manipulate aura and all sorts of shit," the first voice said with a nervous tone.

"Like that'll do anything against good ol' steel!" the second voice said, giving one of the chains an affectionate pat as they cut into Lucario's aching wrists.

"I'm just saying, anything short of nailing his ass to the floor is unsafe," the first voice replied and followed it with a short chuckle.

Lucario's arms felt very tired, and he noticed that he was being held up by something. Peering through the darkness surrounding him, he saw that his arms were being suspended by something made out of a cold and tough material that would have felt more familiar against his knuckles than around his wrists.

"He's sedated," the thin man said before suddenly flicking Lucario's nose, "See? Completely harmless." Lucario perked up and looked in front of him with a stare of a thousand fires. All he saw was a blurred image of someone... Nothing he hadn't experienced after a night of one too many drinks.

"Hey..." the blurry person said, "... I think he likes me!"

"Come closer," Lucario whispered while faking a smile, "I'll eat your face."

Having been caged like an animal for a few days without any food had made him drop most of his usual reservations, and even with his faded vision he could tell this ugly bastard wouldn't look much worse with half a nose. He continued musing hatred for his unknown captors for a while before the sheer energy consumption of his belly crying out for food proved too much, as he fell into unconsciousness once more.

For a short moment he experienced a dream where pulled the chains out of the walls and used them as whips and threw generic henchmen left and right. Then one of the chains suddenly turned into a blue snake while the other turned into a green vine. The vine started strangling him while the snake kept his arms apart, the vine starting to feel strangely sharp against his throat...

"A Pokèmon in tatters..." a voice sounded with crystal clarity and instantly broke him away from his dream, "... What a pitiful sight."

The familiarity of the voice made Lucario think he had fallen into yet another nightmare, but slowly opening his eyes he saw that he was far worse off than that.

With hair as white as snow and a chilling expression masking his usual madness stood Brendan, hardly a foot away from the chained Pokèmon. Lucario flinched instinctively, and his right shoulder began hurting as he tugged against his bindings.

"These eggheads tell me that you're a fair share more intelligent than your average critter," Brendan said coldly without changing his expression, "So if you can understand me, feel free to rattle in fear."

At the sound of this, Lucario decided to not move an inch even if it meant his death. The scene of him hanging pathetically from the ground next to Brendan's unwavering stature was not one he enjoyed, but decided not to give the trainer the pleasure of cowering and kept his head raised.

"For three days and two nights you eluded me," Brendan said in an articulate way while waving his right arm around, "Escaping my every assault... Surviving my every strategy..."

Lucario was starting to wonder if this calm and composed soul was the same sadistic madman he had fought earlier, but got his answer as Brendan suddenly grabbed a hold of his head.

"An unremarkable Lucario bested a champion... No, TWO champions..." Brendan growled as the ice in his eyes melted and was replaced by a fiery fire, "... And then you go get yourself caught by Silver's boy...!?"

"... Like it was really... My choice..." Lucario growled back and kept himself steadfast despite Brendan increasing the strength of his grip.

Suddenly, Brendan seemed to cool down as he let go of Lucario and returned his voice to the melancholic demeanor he had put on earlier.

"You brought the final confrontation between me and my lifelong rival to a standstill." he said with utter disdain in his voice, "While being chained up in here for a while is a fitting punishment, it is also a rather dull one."

Suddenly, Brendan leaned in closer to Lucario, who moved his head back in disgust, thinking he might bite him. Brendan was so near that he could count the hairs on Lucario's face, and he started smiling as he finally saw a trace of fear in the Pokèmon's expression.

"When these scientists are finished with their experiments... If they poke around that hairy head of yours and find nothing but dandruff..." Brendan whispered quietly while reaching out a hand and gently stroking the frozen Lucario's head, "... You will be freed. By my hands, if necessary."

The hope that would normally have sparked within Lucario was drowned out by the sheer absurdity of the situation.

"You shall receive a day's head start before the hunt resumes..." Brendan spoke quietly as his smile grew wider and more manic, "... And that will be the last sliver of mercy you can expect from me."

The instinct to batter away this lunatic came upon Lucario in wave after wave, but his chained situation combined with his complete lack of energy gave him no other option but to stare back at Brendan. Somehow, this seemed to make both of them angrier.

"Hmpf. You look halfway dead, already..." Brendan muttered, disappointed at the lack of an outburst like the one he had gotten in their previous battle. Reaching into his pocket, he dragged out a small loaf of bread.

"Here. Keep those leg muscles from decomposing." he said, stuffing the bread into Lucario's mouth, "You are going to need them."

Lucario felt like spluttering from the intrusion, but knew that every crumb that fell to the floor would be a sliver of life lost if he didn't escape soon. The bread tasted like berries for some reason. The horrible taste was lost to him as he grouchily chewed the bread while Brendan turned around to leave.

"Wait..." Lucario said as he hastily swallowed the major part of the food he had been given, "... The penguin..."

"Let us continue this conversation on the battlefield..." Brendan said with a slightly disgusted tone, "... Prey."

The door closed behind the trainer, leaving Lucario alone again. His brain began processing this new information, before his stomach started digesting the food and he decided to take a rest instead.

"Forgive me for my earlier rudeness," a voice sounded and woke him up, "I did not realize you were THE Lucario."

Lucario opened his eyes half expecting the man that had put him under hypnosis earlier, and was surprised to see that he was right.

Bowing courteously in front of him was the man that had taken the Dragonair to her doom. Lucario's vision was still far from perfect, but as the man was so close he could distinguish that it was an unremarkable man in his thirties, dressed in a white robe and carrying glasses on his emotionless face.

"You..." Lucario wheezed weakly while noting a faint difference in the scientist in front of him. Even though he appeared the same as before, something Lucario could not quite put his finger on had changed about him. A hint of relief struck as Lucario noticed that the Pokèmon with the creepy aura was no longer there.

"A Pokèmon, completely immune to Pokeballs..." the scientist continued as his face remained expressionless, "Truly a collector's item... Would that be a possibility?"

"Whatever..." Lucario mumbled, the remnants of the bread combined with a lack of water not doing much to prevent a parched throat, "Set me free... Or give me some water... I'll be anything you want."

"You have sent the higher brass on a fruitless quest long enough," the scientist continued, "Perhaps your catch rate is lower than most Pokèmon, but to go against modern science you still have much to acquire."

"Oh yeah..." Lucario mumbled as he spaced out and the Dragonair's demise suddenly flashed through his mind, "You're the guy who understood me... Right?" The scientist suddenly turned around and walked to the other side of the room, where Lucario saw several blinking lights.

"But before I can do anything, I need to get you under control," the scientist said while hastily sitting down on a chair, "As luck would have it, Pokeballs are far from our only means of controlling your kind."

"... Huh!?" Lucario exclaimed, suddenly feeling a coldness seep through him. Looking around the room for means of escape, he finally noticed that there was something peculiar above him.

There was a large ball of smooth material sticking out of a long stick, with several needle-like appendages protruding from the sides. No matter how hard he looked at it, he was unable to grasp why it looked like it did and what it might be used for.

"They are portable and handy, and would work perfectly fine if not for you..." the scientist kept going while seemingly looking in Lucario's direction in the darkness of the room, "This machine is not quite portable, but its capturing powers are far amplified."

"Shit..." Lucario muttered while the scientist started typing away at an unseen keyboard, "You already have me here, and yet you still want to capture me?" He was fairly indifferent to this development, due to a lack of energy as well as care. While the prospect of turning into a red light and being trapped inside such a tiny compartment was not a pleasant one, he felt it beat starving to death in a cell.

Then again, as he began analyzing the situation he realized that this is the man who took Dragonair away from the cell and turned her into what she was now. Suddenly staying put in the cell didn't seem like such a bad thing.

"See it as a Master Ball with unlimited uses... Perhaps even stronger" the scientist said calmly before pushing down a button a leaning back, "Let us find out." Instantly the strange contraption above Lucario began emitting a whirr, followed by a bright light.

"You'll regret this..." Lucario said intimidatingly, but in a voice lacking power. Slowly he began to realize that should it work, his chances of escape would be even slimmer.

"Worry not, my experiments should be over before you know it," the scientist said coldly, "Just a quick check up, and then you can go meet your new trainer."

"Oh... I can't wait" Lucario replied, suddenly getting the urge to crack his knuckles. Looking up, he saw nothing but a bright light covering up what seemed to be slightly weaker red glow above him. In his mind the glow took the shape of many different creatures, the last of which looked remarkably like Celebi.

"Should've asked what it was like..." Lucario muttered to himself before the red light suddenly exploded and engulfed him from head to toe. His normal defiance deterred at the fear of turning blind, and he closed his eyes and waited for it all to be over.

When the machine finally stopped, nothing had changed. The light was gone but both the room and Lucario were the same as before. Not even the expression of the dull scientist had altered in the slightest.

"... Indeed..." he said, "It seems that you are insistent on keeping us on this fruitless quest a little longer..."

"Haahh..." Lucario sighed, not out of relief but boredom. Going from fighting for his life and meeting many strange creatures every day to this had left an unexpected hole in his heart.

"Hmm... I am not getting the usual rush..." the scientist said with a bored sigh as the clattering on the keyboard resumed, "Let me just re-calibrate this..."

Lucario groaned and lowered his head, thinking that if he feigned death they would give him something to eat and maybe even a chance to escape. However, his body was so low on energy that when he stilled himself and closed his eyes he almost immediately fell unconscious.

The next thing he knew, the door to the room flew open. The scientist was gone, and the odd sensations of many new auras swirled around in him. The energy from the food he had been given earlier had finally entered his system, and he felt invigorated as he looked up and saw two Pokèmon he had never seen before in front of him. One of them was slim and dark, while the other looked rather large and brutish in comparison.

"Lucario, I presume?" the dark one said, "I'm Zoroark, the revolutionist. I'll be rescuing you now."

- - - - - - - -
Chapter End Notes:
"The TV's ready... What about everyone else?"


"Just do it, already!"


*KRSHH*ning strike*BRRTZ*

"It's working! Ha ha ha, it's really working!"

"Keep going, keep going!"


*SSHZTZHH*he news, I'll have to ca*KRSCH*

"Come on, we can't hear anything!"

"Your magnets are interfering with the signal! Keep them still!"

"Really? That's how they work?

"Hmm...! Like this...?"

... where a group of wild Pokemon have broken into Saff. 15 and are currently engaging local security.

"BORING! Switch to the cartoon channel!"

"Be quiet! That's not the reason we're doing this!"

Saff. 15, notable for being involved in the Sliph CO scandal many decades ago is a top-secret facility used by th*BRRZZT*

"Hey! Keep 'em steady!"

"Saff... Saff. 15!? B-But that's where they took-"

"I KNOW! Stop flailing about so we can hear what's going on!"

*FZZT* *BRZZT* as an organized attack by wild Pokemon of this scale has not occurred for several decades. Authorities *KSHH* that the nearby Mew sighting by an abandoned truck that was proven to be a hoax *SHHZH* related to this event, and investigations into the matter are...

"... Unbelievable..."

"Psst! He's busy thinking, switch to the cartoon channel!"

*KRSHH*er! Hey there, I'm up-and-coming Trainer *BRRTZ* from the backwater town of *FZZTZ*! With the help of Pokemon Professor *VRTZZ* and rival *SHRSHH*, I'm on a journey going across *CHHH* to collect all eight Pokemon League Badges and challenge the Elite Four, all while singlehandedly thwarting the schemes of the evil crime syndicate Team *GNYYZZ* and filling up a Pokedex because... Well, why not?"

"This show sucks! I wanna see Lonesome Wanderer Lucario!"
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