AGNPH Stories

The Human Species by RingsOfSaturn


Story Notes:

It was a quiet night when Deoxys descended from the heavens.
Believed to not be of this world, it went on a rampage, leaving death and destruction in its wake.
Finally defeated by an unknown force, the tragedy of unparalleled magnitude it created remains in the heart of every human.
To make sure that something like this will never happen again, every wild Pokèmon powerful enough to cause such mayhem must be captured, controlled or killed.
Needless to say, this year has been a bad year for Legendaries. This year has also been a bad year for Champion Trainers.
But my year... Has been... THE WORST! 

Hopeful Widow Rukario

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With his back luxuriating in the burning sun while icy cold wind beat upon his front, the novelty of flying had quickly worn thin for Lucario. The bird he was riding on flew high above foreign places of every sort, ranging from cities and forests to plains and even an ocean. The large stretch of water quickly became the worst of these, as they were unable to set down for the night had had to fly for two days without rest.

Despite the varying scenery, the days passed very slowly, making Lucario wish he had brought something to read or at least someone interesting to talk to. The bird he was flying on insisted on keeping quiet as it would help him focus, and Lucario was not one to tempt fate and gravity by breaking this rule. Far beneath them there would occasionally be strangers in the shape of humans and Pokémon, looking up at them. His wounds from the battle with Zoroark had mostly healed by the fifth day, and so he silently hoped a trainer or wild Pokémon would pick a fight with them, just to give him a chance to stretch his arms.

"Hey..." the bird suddenly said after hours of silence, apparently letting the solitude get on his nerves as well, "... I know a joke."

"... Shoot," Lucario said, keeping his eyes burrowed in the feathers before him to protect them from the never ending onslaught of wind.

"Knock knock!" the bird said.

"Such an intensely flawed attempt at comedy, setting up a pitiful excuse for a 'joke' which takes at least five sentences of our precious time to give form," Lucario muttered in a smarmy manner, looking down on the ground. They were above a field on plains, currently passing by an old man who looked up at him with a curious stare.

"You're supposed to say-" the bird started before getting interrupted.

"I KNOW," Lucario burst out annoyed, immediately forgetting about the man on the ground, "Since we're talking, can't we talk about something important or interesting?"

"... Or..." the bird responded with an equally annoyed tone in his voice, "You can let me finish the joke now, instead of walking the rest of the way."

"... Who's there...?" he responded weakly, having long since given up all hope of entertainment. In order to save his sanity, he pulled his ears down to the side of his head to stop himself from hearing the answer. All that came through was a muffled voice as he sighed out of relief, feeling victorious for some reason.

The muffled voice kept going, however. It seemed the bird was one of those people that enjoyed explaining the joke afterwards. Every missed syllable made Lucario's smile grow wider, like he was dodging bullets.

Suddenly, his entire world rocked as the bird started waving to the left and right, almost making him slip off him.

"Hey, are you awake?" the voice sounded as Lucario let go of his ears to grab onto his violent steed, "I said: We're here!"

By the horizon that stretched in front of them was a truly gigantic mountain, the top of which was hidden within a sea of clouds. Lucario now understood why the Gallade had said that it was impossible to scale. The sheer size of it would have made most other mountains look like pebbles. He was not even sure if this bird would be able to fly to the top. Not that it made any difference to him; he was only going to the foot of it, after all...

"Quite the sight, isn't it?" the bird said, "I hope you know what you're doing, coming all this way..."

"... You seem like a nice guy, so I guess I should warn you..." Lucario mumbled as he recalled how he had gotten here in the first place, "Zoroark might be in a pissy mood when you get back."

"Huh?" the bird asked with a confused voice, "Why?"

"I think he's on his period, or something," Lucario snickered.

"I don't understand..." the bird exclaimed slowly. Lucario knew that he would now have to get rid of this bird somehow, remembering that Mew would probably not be showing herself if there was anyone besides himself at the designated location. Even flying any further than this might be enough to scare her off. If he told the bird that he had been tricking him all this time he probably wouldn't be an ally anymore, but might also attack him out of rage and really compromise his mission.

Lucario's planning was interrupted as something yellow came upon him, the weight of it hitting him squarely in the chest and dragging him off the bird. He gasped and fell down, seeing the seat that had been hosting him for more than two weeks shrinking above him as the ground beneath that had been his background was quickly growing. Thinking himself hit by a solid and clingy bolt of lightning, he tried his best to spin around and stop the fall, but failed and smashed down on the ground on his back with a painful thud.

"GAH!" Lucario shouted while bracing the back of his head with both his hands, pain creeping up his spine, "This- Who- What-"

"Cyon!" a familiar voice came from above him.

"Gah... Grr..." Lucario stuttered as he tried putting two and two together after the brain-scrambling impact, "... I know that voice... And aura..."

"Lucario!" another voice came from above as the bird that had brought him this far suddenly came swooping down, "Are you all right!? Get off him, you witch!"

"I-I just had to get you out of the sky..." Rukario insisted while putting her right hand on her chest in a gesture of defending herself, "I meant you no harm!"

"Yeah, right," Lucario muttered, scratching the back of his head. The pain had already faded away, and Rukario's appearance at least meant that he was back on the right continent again. He looked around and noticed that he was unable to see Mew, which was funny considering how the greatest Pokémon of all time would probably stand out quite a bit. Many questions filled his mind, but he had to put them aside as he needed to get rid of these two as quickly as possible, lest they scare away his target. It was then he figured out a perfect way to get rid of the bird.

"Hey, birdie. It's all right, you can go back," Lucario said, trying to sound cool as possible while being pinned on the ground by a woman, "I'll walk the rest of the way."

"Are you sure?" the bird asked with concern, "What's going on?"

"Just some marital problem," Lucario said jokingly and suddenly hoped that this wouldn't make Rukario get the wrong idea, "It'll be easier to handle with you not here."

The flying-type looked at him for nary a moment before abruptly turning around and quickly flying away. Lucario tried getting up to see him off, but noticed that Rukario still had a tight grip of him, as if she feared that he would instantly run away if she gave him the chance. This made him wonder if she had psychic powers or something.

"Hey, Cyon," Lucario said while facing her, getting a feeling that she would not be as easy to get rid of as the flying-type, "... Uh, no offense, but I kind of need to be alone right now."

"I-I'm not Cyon!" she burst out with a startled voice, "You're Cyon!"

"... Oh yeah," Lucario sighed, "You know you're crazy, right?"

"I-I have proof!" Rukario responded quickly, once again reaching into her pocket to most likely pull out the picture she had shown him before. As her right hand left his arm, Lucario saw his opportunity as he grabbed her other arm and pushed it off him, rolling to the side and quickly getting back on his feet.

"That's not what I mean," Lucario said while holding out his hand in an attempt to calm her down, "I mean that you're crazy, following me like this. I punched you in the face!"

"That's... That's fine..." Rukario whispered as she put back the newly extracted picture in her pocket, "You were just confused..."

"... What the hell are you even doing here!?" Lucario asked with a stern voice, "How did you find me!?"

"We're husband and wife!" Rukario quickly responded, "I can sense your aura from miles away, and I came here to get you!"

Lucario cringed, the idea that she would be chasing him from miles away sounding unappealing at best. At any rate, it didn't seem like she was going to leave any time soon. On the contrary, it seemed like she was planning on staying with him forever!

He was getting very tense. For all he knew his ticket to humanity might be hiding somewhere in the bushes, ready to approach him or flee at a moment's notice. From what the others had told him, he knew that chances were slim that Mew would even come to see him - If someone else was there too, her absence would be pretty much guaranteed.

There was no running away this time. He would have to stand his ground, and get rid of Rukario as quickly as possible.

"... I see how it is!" Lucario said snidely as he came up with a plan, "How pathetic! You're so desperate for a man that you can't even live on your own!"

"... No..." she responded in an unusually calm manner before taking a step towards him, getting dangerously close, "... But I love you. If there's even the slightest chance-"

"There isn't!" Lucario spat as he took a quick step back, "In this body there's no one but me, and I DO NOT like you!"

"Don't say that," Rukario replied slowly while still moving forward, "You are definitively my husband... There must be some way..."

"Seems to me, I'll have to settle this like last time..." Lucario grumbled as he smacked his fists together menacingly, "Beat it, or I'll beat you."

A chill passed through the air, Rukario gasping in shock and despair. Lucario felt worse than the time he had abandoned the tiny penguin in the snowy mountains, but knew that this was for the best for both of them. She was the crazy one, after all...

"In that case... I'm sorry, Cyon, but I can think of no other way..." Rukario said as she reached into another pocket in the back of her highly advanced pants, "Please, forgive me!"

Half expecting her to pull out a knife, Lucario saw that the thing now resting in Rukario's hand was nothing but a completely ordinary spoon.

Complete silence followed. He looked at the spoon, and then looked at the spoony chick that had presented it to him.

"... You were always deathly afraid of spoons..." Rukario whispered slowly, disappointed at Lucario's lack of a reaction.

"That's the single lamest thing I've ever heard in my entire life!" Lucario shouted, furiously knocking the spoon out of her hand, "And if you had even the slightest hint of self-respect, you'd realize that I'm not your goddamn husband!"

"That's not true!" Rukario responded while seemingly unfazed, "I still love you, Cyon!"

"At least TRY to listen to reason, will you!?" Lucario growled before groaning at how quickly this conversation devolved into a continuation of the shouting match that reigned during their first meeting. Nothing had worked back then, nothing was working now. The only thing she cares about is this Cyon... Perhaps he could find a way to use that against her?

"The power of love surpasses everything..." Rukario whispered as she closed her eyes, "This will make you remember..." Suddenly, she started leaning in closer to while extending her lips, Lucario standing frozen in place from shock at his impending blight. It was then that he threw all caution to the side. He felt like he was losing control of the situation, and needed to put his newly formed plan directly into action.

"... You know what? Yeah! It's me, Cyon!" Lucario shouted right in her face, "I hated you so much I completely erased your existence from my mind! Thank you for reminding me, you filthy whore!"

Rukario cringed and stopped herself from leaning forward at the sound of this, her eyes slowly opening.

"You hear me!? I fucking cheated on you with all your best friends, enemies and relatives!" Lucario kept going, his rage fueled by the apparent effect it was having upon her, "Why? Because I always knew you were a pathetic bitch who would never be able to live on without me!"

"S-Stop, please..." Rukario whispered sadly, her eyes tearing up.

"That's right! Now c'mere and give me a kiss, hot stuff!" Lucario said while cockily putting his hand on Rukario's cheek, "Embrace the misogynic asshole! Justify every bad female stereotype there is!"

"Stop! Stop!" Rukario suddenly burst out while falling to her knees, "Hearing those words... With t-that voice... Do you know how much it hurts...!?"

Lucario was staring to get the idea as Rukario held her hands to her shoulders while shaking in sorrow. He was not completely unfamiliar with love, and noticing just how pained Rukario was made him realize she had been given the joy of experiencing a lot of it. A joy that fate had suddenly taken away from her...

Seeing this unfortunate woman reduced to tears at his doing devastated Lucario, getting the same impulse to protect her just as he had protected Zerobi after the green snake's verbal abuse. Only this time, he was responsible for it. Even if he regained the form of a human after this, he would never be able to call himself a 'man' again...

"Hey..." Lucario said while carefully approaching her, "I'm kidding. It's still me. You know, the guy who's not your husband?"

"S-Shut up..." Rukario growled while clenching her fists in frustration, "Don't you... Don't you th-think I knew that...!?"

"Uh..." Lucario exclaimed while scratching the back of his head, "Well, with all the crying..."

"You're using my dead husband's body to call me a whore!?" Rukario suddenly burst out furiously, standing up and facing Lucario directly, "How the hell would you expect me to feel!?" Lucario was completely taken aback by this violent display and made a small leap backwards.

"Go...!" Rukario wailed as she averted her eyes from him, not bearing to look him in the face, "Maybe it's better like this, knowing what a jerk you really are...!"

"Uh..." Lucario responded, the conclusion of this fight turning out to be the opposite of what he wanted, "I can't really leave."

"Get out of my sight, you evil...!" Rukario continued while holding back her tears out of pure spite, "Why do you insist on torturing me!?"

"No, like, I REALLY need to stay here," Lucario explained as calmly as possible, his mind telling him to stay while his instincts told him to get the hell out of there while he still had the chance, "You leave. Seriously, I swear I won't follow."

The two of them stood there for a while, miserable because of each other's company but both too stubborn to leave.

"... Wow," Lucario said after a while, "Awkward."

"Why..." Rukario said with a noticeably calmer voice than earlier, yet still deciding not to look at him, "Why do you stay?"

"For the last fu..." Lucario started, but stopped himself as he realized his rage had only made things worse, and that he'd have to use his smarts to take care of this situation, "... You're right. I'm sorry."

"... You're sorry?" Rukario repeated with a confused tone.

"I mean, put yourself in my position for a second," Lucario tried explaining, "As much as you want me to, I don't know you. I've never met you before in my life."

"But... In Snowpoint..." Rukario said before feeling that she had no need to elaborate on a situation they were both present for.

"Before THAT," Lucario pointed out, "I'm actually human, not a Pokémon. The thought of kissing you... Man! There aren't enough breath mints in the world to fix that!"

Lucario's only response was silence, and so he did not know whether Rukario had become offended or was simply busy containing her laughter from his extraordinary wit.

"Please. You seem like a reasonable person," Lucario lied, "Leave me in peace. If I ever meet this Cyon, I'll tell him how much of a pain... I mean, how much you love him."

"... I am not an idiot, you know..." Rukario finally said with annoyance before looking up into the sky, "Maybe you are right. Maybe I... I have been clinging on to hope when I should not have..."

"... Hope?" Lucario repeated slowly, the word hitting a peculiar note within his mind, "What do you mean?"

"I... I love Cyon with all my heart..." Rukario whispered sadly before sitting down on the ground, suddenly overcome with defeat and weakness, "I would gladly give my life, if he were to return... And meeting you, I thought... I thought..."

"... Hope..." Lucario whispered to himself.

"... What a fool I have been," Rukario continued while harrowingly grabbing at a tuft of grass, "I left my friends and home behind to follow you, just faintly hoping you would turn out to be my husband, despite you having told me otherwise..."

Suddenly, Rukario's persistence did not seem as foreign to him. Her determination for a single, seemingly impossible goal... Recklessly abandoning everything to reach it... Not wavering in the slightest, even in the face of failure...

Her quest to find Cyon... His quest to become human... They were the same.

"... I sympathize, if that counts for anything," Lucario said before immediately wanting to slap himself for expressing himself so poorly.

"... Thank you..." Rukario responded, apparently lenient with anything that wasn't crushing her heart at this point.

"I feel bad, I really do... But..." Lucario said as the mental image of a large, mighty Mew looking down at them from somewhere before turning her back came upon him, "... I'm waiting for someone very important, someone with the ability to change my life. She won't come here if she sees anyone but me here, though."

"Worry not, she is already here..." Rukario said depressingly before finally looking at Lucario for a moment before pointing behind him. Lucario frowned before turning around, suddenly noticing that there was in fact a very faint aura approaching them.

A man was walking towards them.

"... That's not a 'she'..." Lucario said while squinting his eyes against the sunlight that had been upon his back during his long journey.

"You can sense that?" Rukario asked with a curious look, unable to distinguish genders with her aura-based abilities.

"I can only sense one thing..." Lucario said ominously as he mentally prepared himself for what was to come, "... Trouble."

Lucario faintly recognized both the appearance and the aura of the approaching human - It was the old man that he had passed by from above not too long ago, only that from this angle he did not look as old. There were hardly any wrinkles on his face, and his clothing was both modern and spiffy with a leathery look to them. However, more notably than anything, there was a certain color to them that stood out and permeated his being...


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