AGNPH Stories

The Human Species by RingsOfSaturn


Story Notes:

It was a quiet night when Deoxys descended from the heavens.
Believed to not be of this world, it went on a rampage, leaving death and destruction in its wake.
Finally defeated by an unknown force, the tragedy of unparalleled magnitude it created remains in the heart of every human.
To make sure that something like this will never happen again, every wild Pokèmon powerful enough to cause such mayhem must be captured, controlled or killed.
Needless to say, this year has been a bad year for Legendaries. This year has also been a bad year for Champion Trainers.
But my year... Has been... THE WORST! 

Author's Chapter Notes:


Aged Master Red

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"... So close, yet so far away..." Lucario muttered to himself as he looked unhappily at the inviting bed next to him, before erasing every thought of taking a quick nap. He faced the giant monster, preparing himself for battle.

The beast was similar to Suicune in form, but had a yellow tone to its skin as well as black stripes. Its tail was twisted with hairy spikes stretching out in every direction, its face adorned with what appear to be a small iron helmet as well as a sky blue beard with two large fangs sticking out of it. Lucario immediately labeled it as a saber toothed tiger, having trouble taking all the extra details. The greatest similarity to Suicune was the long, purple mane that flowed behind its back like it had never experienced the sharp coldness of a scissor.

The trainer on top looked like a very old man, with a beard almost greater than that of the furred creature he was sitting on. He was wearing a red cap on his head, which Lucario thought was quite unfitting for someone his age. While the aged man failed to strike him as half as intimidating as the cackling madman known as Brendan, he knew better than to understate the monster underneath.

"R-Raikou!?" Lucario could hear Zerobi stammer from behind the big tiger, "Have all the legendary dogs been captured!?"

"Grr..." Lucario growled while gritting his teeth, "There are more?"

"... Lucario" Red finally said, his voice both dignified and grave as he crossed his arms and looked down.

"Tch..." Lucario exclaimed in annoyance, "Why does everyone know my name?"

"No spikes. There is no doubt about it..." Red said as he uncrossed his arms, "I am afraid I must capture you."

"Yeah, figured as much" Lucario replied with a nod, looking the old man in the eye.

"... You seem quite intelligent" Red said as he reached out a hand in a friendly gesture, "Will you come quietly?"

"Hah! As if!" Lucario shouted, striking a battle pose, "I'm through with running away! It's time I man up! Just take it easy, and don't get a heart attack when I start getting serious!"

"Hey!" Zerobi yelled accusingly as both Red and his steed seemed oblivious of her, "Are you crazy!? That's a legendary Pokèmon! You couldn't even HIT Suicune!"

"Don't worry!" Lucario yelled back as his confidence overtook his fatigue, "The problem with fighting Suicune was that it had too much room to run around, this thing won't escape me! Not to mention that this trainer's already halfway down the grave!"

"Oh, for crying out..." Zerobi groaned while seeing that Red and Raikou had for an unknown reason not begun fighting, instead remaining completely still for some reason, "Well, if you're gonna attack, better do it before they can react!"

"Of course! I'm not taking any risks this time!" Lucario said before he quickly dashed toward the motionless legendary, quickly trying to figure out if he should attack it like usual or try a new aura-based strike right off the bat.

He had not taken a single step towards the enemy before Raikou leaned back on its hind legs and Red crouched beneath the purple mane on its back. A massive electrical current instantly filled the entire room, making the bed and magazines on the ground crumple up and catch on fire. Neither Lucario nor Zerobi had even the tiniest chance of dodging as both their brains shut down and their legs folded on themselves.

When the paralyzation subsided, it was replaced by a searing pain coursing through both of them as they twisted and turned in agony on the ground. Zerobi screamed out loud, but Lucario's voice was already spent and he instead gave off a tormented wheeze. Yellow bolts of lightning shot out of them and struck the walls as well as Raikou, who seemed to be completely unaffected by them.

As quickly as the thunder had struck, it was gone. Raikou stood tall above the two shaking cripples and saw the small papers around them turn into ash.

"Far too easy..." Red sighed to himself as he emerged from the purple mane, "Not even a battle anymore, just a single attack and it is over..."

"... UGH!" Lucario cried as he held his stomach and felt like barfing. He was on his back, staring up at the open sky through the broken ceiling.

"Good work, Raikou" Red said in a kind way while scratching Raikou who made an odd purr-like sound in return, "Pikachu would have been proud of you."

"B-Bastard..." Lucario stammered weakly, struggling to get up. The powerful shock had stunned his body, but more than that it had made him realize just how exhausted he really was. His legs cried out in pain after having been running for so long, and the previous experiments with aura had crippled his arms with a lingering burning sensation that even the electricity could not compare with. The way he was, there was nothing he could do... Except...

"My..." a sorrowful voice sounded from the other side of the room, "My occult magazines... All gone..."

"Z-Zerobi... Run...!" Lucario shouted with the last of his strength, "He wants me!"

"I can't...!" Lucario heard Zerobi respond from behind Raikou.

"No, I got you into this..." Lucario kept going, thinking that at the very least he would not have her life on his conscience, "You must leave me behind, an-"

"I said, I can't!" Zerobi yelled back with an angry tone, "I'm paralyzed!" While they were talking, Red had turned around and finally noticed the wounded Weavile behind him.

"Oh..." Red said sadly as he stroked his beard, "... You were there all this time? Forgive me for involving you in this... We will be on our now shortly." As he finished apologizing, he pulled a Pokèball from his belt at a speed comparable to Raikou's lightning, turned around and threw it at Lucario. Barely mobile, Lucario saw it coming and somehow managed to roll to the side in order to escape it. The Pokèball hit the ground, before instantly flying back. He thought it might be a boomerang-like attack and kept his head down, but instead it simply returned to Red's outstretched hand.

"This will be a lot easier if you just let yourself get caught..." Red sighed again, putting the Pokèball back in his belt.

"I will n-never be caught!" Lucario wheezed defiantly, even though he himself was having a hard time finding another way out of this.

"Listen closely" Red continued as he leaned forward and spoke as clearly as possible, "Either I catch you right now, or I will just have to use that electric attack again until you are completely immobile... And that is something neither of us want, right?"

"D-Don't think you can..." Lucario kept going, trying to sit up but failing and falling on his back again.

"Do not be afraid..." Red said calmly, "As my Pokèmon, you can be assured that I will let never let any harm come to you."

"Screw you! I'm..." Lucario growled as he finally managed to sit up and tried standing up before falling on his knees in exhaustion, "... I belong to no one!" Before he could react, Red pulled out another Pokèball and threw it at him from his hip. Half of Lucario's brain told him that such an absurd throw would never hit, while the other one was registering the fact that the green and white ball was slowly filling up his vision...

Lucario flinched as the contraption hit him right between the eyes, not really feeling it between the gaping wound on his shoulder, the burning sensation lingering in his arms and heavy damage everywhere else from the electricity. The ball fell down to the ground and started rolling away into a corner of the cave. Lucario tripped forward in shock expecting to turn into a red light, but noticed that his body remained solid and stopped himself with his arms halfway down.

"This is..." Red said with a pause as he stared at the collapsed wolf, "... Most unusual." Time seemed to stand still for the three of them as Red thought about his next move, Zerobi and Lucario too stunned to think or act. After a long while, Red sighed deeply as he reached down to the backside of his belt and drew yet another Pokeball, one that was purple and white with large pink spots on it as surrounding an insignia of the letter 'M'.

"The Master Ball - Quite a rarity" Red said to himself while adoring the machine in his hands for bit, "Even someone like me has trouble getting hands on one. It is precious, and really should not be used in a situation like this..." Zerobi knew all too well what he was talking about and begun scrambling away in terror, but Lucario was still wondering how he had managed not to get caught earlier.

"You... You gonna bludgeon me to death, or what?" Lucario said slowly, getting up on his knees again.

"Hmpf... It is not like I can take it with me once I am dead" Red continued as he clutched the master ball in his hand and turned his cap backwards in a determined manner, "Currently, my duty to capture you to ensure the safety of the future generations... And I will do everything I can to do so!"

The master ball escaped Red's hand with a powerful throw and was sent spinning at Lucario with precise aim and amazing speed. For a moment Lucario thought about letting it hit him between the eyes again, but instead held out his hands in an attempt to stop it. He managed to catch it between his paws in midair, completely stopping it.

"The Master Ball... Failed...?" Red gasped in disbelief, "This... This cannot be!"

"Looks like... The one to catch something..." Lucario said with a smile feeding off his opponent's surprise, "... Was me."

"The only way that you cannot be caught by a master ball ..." Red continued in an attempt to gather his thoughts, "... Is if you are not a Pokèmon."

"Heh..." Lucario chortled as he held the master ball in one hand, imitating Red from earlier, "Lucky me, then."

"I never thought it would come to this..." Red kept going, having completely lost his cool as impossibility stared him in the face, "I cannot capture you, does that mean that I have to..." He suddenly became quiet and hunched over, seemingly in a battle of morals with himself.

"... No" he finally said out loud, sitting upright again, "Absolutely not. With the description I was given... But there are two of them... And this Lucario is..." He looked at the Weavile behind him, before looking at the Lucario in front of him, and finally lowered his head in a hopeless gesture.

"... You win" Red finally said as he scratched his beard, "If I cannot capture you, I am unable to become victorious."

"I..." Lucario said as his vision grew foggy.

"Listen closely. I could end your life right here and now, but I will not. I only ask you for one thing in return..." Red said in a deep, serious voice as he stared at Lucario with gentle eyes, "... Please, do not make me regret it."

Giving off a faint smile behind the beard, Red held on as Raikou howled and jumped through the hole above them, leaping on the walls to get outside.

"Take... That... You... Dull... Old..." Lucario stammered cockily, before exhaling and collapsing on the floor. The two Pokèmon lay pained and immobile, and within seconds the cave was silent once more.

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Chapter End Notes:

"I had five months of vacation stored up... And you take me to a place called 'Snowpoint City'?"

"Cerulean City never gets any snow, I thought you'd like it!"

"Are you implying that I have never seen snow before? I can assure you that it has never been a pleasant experience, including right now"

"It'll be worth it once you see the Snowpoint Temple!"

"... Temple? Make that especially right now..."

"Yeah! It's really old, and quite the sight from what I've heard!"

"OK, this has gone on far enough. Tell me, what part of me EVER gave off the signal that I would want to spend my vacation visiting a bloody temple!?"

"B-But... I..."

"I was looking forward to sipping berry juice by a pool somewhere while making snide remarks to people passing by and annoying the clerks by pretending that I'm deaf..."

"... I'm... Sorry..."

"I hereby permanently revoke your permission to pick vacation spots"

"... No!"

"With all the work I've had to do lately, I can't afford something like this. I need a master of being lazy to pick out a good spot. Like that Croagunk... He always seems to find the best places to lurk around..."



"Look to your right"

"... What, did I miss a particularly snowy tree? One where the snow has the branches weighed down to join its brethren on the ground? Wait, you're not going to slap me or something, right?"

"Just do it!"

"Because if you do, I WILL have you arrested for assaulting an officer of the law!"

Just turn your head around!"

"Fine, but there's absolutely no possibility anything could make up for..."


"... Holy crap, is that...!?"


"N-No way! That is... I can't..."

"I-I thought you'd like it..."

"LIKE IT!? Way to play me for a fool with that whole innocent screw-up thing!"

"I learned from the best, after all!"

"C'mere, you... Heh, this is NOW a vacation! Nothing could possibly ruin it!"

"Ah! Don't say that, or something'll happen for sure!"

"What, you still believe in all that occult stuff? Haha! Don't worry, nothing bad is going to happen... Now, let's enjoy ourselves for once!"

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