Author's Chapter Notes:
Lightsoul finds himself in the most realistic dream he has ever had.
Small, Mystical and Adorable
Chapter 3
Lightsoul
Small, Mystical and Adorable
As soon as Lightsoul had gone to sleep, he felt himself wake right back up as if something had forced him back awake. The Shinx was lying in the same field that he had fallen asleep in just moments ago. From what he could tell it was still night time, a large beautiful moon filled the night skyline brightening up the field around him making it easy to see around. The grass around the Shinx was shining and strange blue and pink light was glowing. Lightsoul had been told long ago about the strange light…they called it, ‘Aurora.’
‘Where am I…’ The Shinx though as he got up from the ground and shook himself off. He was sure that he was still in the same place where he went to sleep but at the same time he felt that he was pretty far away from home. Everything looked somewhat the same, minus the strange lights shining all around him and the sky up above looking more open and full of light than it did when he laid down. A cold breeze blew against his body...
“INX!” Lightsoul sneezed.
“INX….INX….INX…Inx….inx….” The sound echoed.
“Huh?” Lightsoul said out loud. He couldn’t understand why his voice was echoing when he was out in the open. He only remembered hearing anything like that was when he was in the caves that were south of his home. Shaking his head as he looked down at his paws the Shinx was beginning to become scared, he didn’t know why he was in such a strange place, and right now a feeling of being trapped was beginning to overtake him.
“I just want to go home…” Lightsoul said to himself.
“Home? But you just got here.” A voice spoke from beside him. Before Lightsoul could see where it came from he was greeted by a face full of pink fur.
“AAAHHHH!!” Lightsoul yelled as he was pounced on. “HEY GET OFF!!” Lightsoul felt something press against his face and he was staring up at a pink butt in his face.
“Why?” The Pokémon on top of him asked in a slightly cheeky voice. “I was just getting comfortable.”
“Please?” Lightsoul was trying hard to keep shake the strange Pokémon off of him but he remained firm. Finally deciding to get a bit rough the Shinx’s opened his mouth baring his teeth and gives the poke on top of him a good nipping on his rear which finally did it off of him.
“Ok, ok…” The pink Pokémon giggled as it floats just above the Shinx. Lightsoul never had seen a Pokémon like this before. For starters it was small, pink and was pretty fluffy. It reminded Lightsoul of a kitten the shape of its ears, and paws, while its hind legs were made for it to walk upright while its forelegs were about half the length. The most distinguishable feature of the pink kitten Pokémon though was its long thin tail that seemed to be almost as long as the Pokémon itself. On the end of it though was a big tuft of fur along with a red bow on it for a finishing touch.
“I told you to get off of me.” Lightsoul hiss as he rolled back onto his paws and prepared himself for anything else he considered to be hostile, he wasn’t going to let himself get caught off guard again.
“Who are you and why am I here?” Lightsoul guessed that it was this Pokémon that had brought him here.
“Silly kitty you can call me Mew.” The pink kitten said with a little bow. Lightsoul looked at Mew’s head and saw that it had radiant amber eyes. “I am the one who invited you into Dreamscape the world in between worlds.”
“Dreamscape?” Lightsoul repeated. He noticed Mew nodding and it then floats back down to ground level and lands softly onto his hind legs and drops to all four. Now Lightsoul and Mew were looking one another eye to eye.
“Mew right…?” Lightsoul asked, a small feeling of being stared down by this strange Pokémon was being felt by the Shinx. “What is going on here? I feel so lost and confused.”
Mew smiled and nuzzled the Shinx. “All you have to do is say please. I’ll be happy to tell you what you need to know.”
Lightsoul still was feeling a bit edgy, sure Mew was cute and really…odd but he felt that he could trust him. The pair looked on another in the eyes for few moments and for some odd reason the Shinx felt that he was looking into the eyes of someone he knew. “Mew…”
“Yes..” The pink kitten said back and then broke the stare as he presses his nose with Lightsoul’s. Lightsoul felt a familiar feeling being like this, his heart was racing a bit and he was filled with happiness.
“Can you tell me why I am here?” Lightsoul asked as he breaks their bond, the Shinx had to take a moment to catch his breath. For some odd reason he couldn’t help but feel aroused when he was like that. First it was Fenzura and now Mew, every time he pressed his nose against someone else’s the Shinx couldn’t help but get aroused. Lightsoul knew that he liked Fenzura a lot, the two of them have been through so much and he felt that he shared a very special bond with him. But here he was in a dream and with this strange Pokémon and he had the exact same feelings when they “kissed.” It made the Shinx wonder if he like liked Fenzura or just enjoyed being aroused by him.
“You are here because I am supposed to set you on your destined course.” Mew said as he gets back onto his hind legs. “You along with 3 others will travel south, beyond Limestone Pass, though Silver Lake Forest, cross Serenity Meadow and finally reach Veteris City.”
“Veteris City?” Lightsoul repeated. He only knew of the plains that he lived on and the nearby forest that their rival tribe Shadowfang lived in. It was a bit hard pressed for the Shinx to imagine that there was much more to their world than what he knew of at the moment.
“It is the ‘City of the Old,’ it will be the location where the future of this region will be found.” Mew said with a smile on his face. “A future you and several others will have a direct influence with.”
It was a lot for Lightsoul to take in. All he ever cared about was trying to become a full member of his tribe. He wanted to be a great hunter and warrior for his tribe and maybe even one day follow in his adoptive father’s footsteps. How could he believe any of this anyway, it was all just a dream. “Thank you for this experience Mew.” Lightsoul said with a weak smile. “But this is all a dream and no offense but I do not even know if you are real.”
“Silly Kitty.” Mew said with a grin on his face. Lightsoul couldn’t put his paw on it but for some odd reason, he was starting to feel a little worried. Mew got back on all four and walks over to Lightsoul, the entire way over licking his lips. “I was hoping you would say that.” Mew stops right in front of the Shinx and once against pressed his nose against his. Lightsoul was unable to move, his paws felt frozen to the ground.
“Ah…what are you doing…?”
“Letting you know Silly Kitty, how real I am.” Lightsoul felt the Mew press his lips up against his and in an instant began feeling his heart beat faster. As much as he tried to fight it the Shinx was enjoying himself, that feeling he had when Fenzura kissed him returned to him, feelings of excitement, passion and strangely enough peace as he could do this with his friend and love forever. Being with Mew felt almost just like being with Fenzura, all the cute pink kitten needed to be was a six tailed fox.
‘I can do this forever.’ Lightsoul thought. Closing his eyes, he felt the moment would never end but as soon as he closed his eyes and reopened them everything had returned to normal as the lion cub was laying back in the real world Thunder Plains. It was early morning and the sky but above him was bathed in early morning light as the sky was reddish and gold. Lightsoul yawned as he heard the sound of birds chirping in the background and a few howls of the local Poochyenas as they were starting their morning hunt. Rubbing his eyes, he saw Fenzura lying next to him as his friend was still sleeping.
“Fenzura…” Lightsoul whispered as he looked at the sleeping figure of his dear friend and lover. A feeling of slight guilt fell over him as he remembered his dream, and the Mew who went to great lengths to prove how real he was. He wanted to believe that it was a dream, that the prophecy that he was giving was just a dream and more importantly that the long kiss that they shared was nothing more than his imagination coming to life. But no matter how much he wanted to shake the feeling, the young Shinx’s mind continued to replay the image of their kiss and how wonderful it felt.
“Light…” Fenzura mumbled in his sleep. The fox’s paws were flailing about a little bit and Lightsoul moved over just a little closer to his friend so they could be touching one another. Lightsoul placed his paws on top of Fenzura’s. “Lets…not go back just yet.” Fenzura yawned and Lightsoul smelled his friend’s awful morning breath. It was powerful enough to make the Shinx’s hair’s stick up.
“Ok, we can stay here forever if you want.” Lightsoul purred and he watched Fenzura open his eyes.
“What and miss brunch?” Fenzura said letting out another yawn and Lightsoul hissed back this time.
“Do you really have to keep doing that? Your breath smells like ass.”
“Really?” Fenzura asked then licked his nose. The scent of Fenzura’s mouth now was stick on the Shinx’s nose and that was all he smelled. “I thought today was your turn eat me out silly.”
“Fenzura!” The Shinx said with a big blush on his face.
“Oh we’ll save that for before we go back.” Fenzura giggled “Work up a bit of appetite.”
“Of course it would be you two that I find hiding out all the way out here.” A voice spoke up from the grassy area. Lightsoul regonized the voiced almost instantly and groaned knowing just who it was. He prepared himself for the worst as him and Fenzura got up and saw a grey and white Eevee standing on the other side of their little meadow. The Eevee was wearing a black collar with small gems decorated around it, a gold tag was swinging back and forth with the name “Prism of Shadowfang” engraved on it.
“Oh Prism, did you come out to play with us too?” Fenzura asked in a very excited voice.
“No!” Prism snapped. The Vee blinks as he looks back and forth from Lightsoul to Fenzura. “You know that this clearing belongs to Shadowfang and all I ever smell when I come over here is the filth of you two.”
“Filth?” Fenzura asked in a confused voice. “Oh Light and I cleaned up before we left.”
“That is not what he meant.” Lightsoul responded with a sigh as he had to forgive Fenzura’s sometimes very innocent personality. Thunderplains and Shadowfang shared the clearing that sat right before the forest that was Shadowfang’s territory. After fighting over the area for a long time the two tribes decided to make the clearing and part of the river that was nearby neutral grounds and allow anyone from either tribe to use it. Some did not see it that way and still started small fights over the land from time to time.
“Let’s play like old times.” Fenzura said shaking his tails. “I’ll even let you pretend to be the big bad Shadowfang leader who is putting me in his place.” Lightsoul raised an eyebrow as he watched his friend trying to subdue the Eevee. Prism did not look impressed.
“That was one time.” Prism frowned. “You two know that we are in rival tribes, we shouldn’t be so friendly to one another.” The Eevee’s tone was softer now. Lightsoul, Prism and Fenzura use to be close friends who spent many afternoons when they were slightly younger playing in this very field, it was here that the three of them swore to be friends forever and it was here that the three of them began exploring their sexuality as well. When the three became older and began their real training as apprentices for their tribes it didn’t take long them to become busy and not be able to play together as much anymore. In truth Lightsoul wished dearly for things to not change but it was very obvious that things may never be the same again.
A strong silence fell over the three as no one knew quite what to say. Finally Fenzura broke the silence the best way he knew how to.
“Sssooooo….is that a no?” Fenzura asked in the cutest voice that he could muster.
“No…at least right now.” Prism said looking away from Fenzura with a little blush showing on his face. “If I catch you two out here again when I make my rounds this evening…”
“Oh you’ll catch me then.” Fenzura responded with a murr.
“Fenzura you weren’t supposed to respond like that.” Prism pouted and pummeled the ground with his paws.” Despite Lightsoul trying his best to not laugh the Shinx couldn’t help but laugh outload at his friend’s expense. It was easy for the Shinx to see that Prism was trying to play and get into character, though like always Fenzura popped the Eevee’s bubble. For a moment Lightsoul felt like it was like old times, with the three friends laughing and playing together...
‘I wish this could last forever.’
Lightsoul, Prism and Fenzura talked together for a little while longer before finally saying their good byes. Lightsoul knew that Prism just wanted to serve his tribe the best way he knew how, but sometimes he felt that the Eevee was trying too hard.
“Ready to go Fenzura?” Lightsoul asked as he watched Prism make his way back to the border between their tribes. As the Eevee disappeared behind the trees that entered into the Shadowfang tribes ground, Lightsoul felt a strong peg of sadness. He did not want their time together to end.
“It is going to be ok.” Lightsoul heard Fenzura say as he stood by the Shinx. “Long as we remain true to one another, there is nothing that can break us apart.” Fenzura turned around without waiting for a response and began walking home.
“Ya…” Lightsoul felt like it was a bit cliché but it did make him feel better about the moment. “Why do I love my friends so much?” Taking off the Shinx lightly runs so he could catch back up with Fenzura and together they return home together.
Returning home the the pair were greeted by Flare and Silverstreak who were both standing by the entrance to the village. Looking at one another as they returned the boys couldn’t help but cringe a bit knowing what was about to happen.
“Fenzura I recommend that you go home right now.” Flare said in a calm voice. Lightsoul knew that he was saving all of his anger for him. “Leader of this tribe I may be…no one would be more fit to take care of your right now than your mother.”
“Um…Flare-“ Fenzura was cut off before he could ask the Flareon anything.
“NOW!” Flare barked and Fenzura ran a few feet before turning around and looking at Lightsoul. Lightsoul looked at his friend and without saying anything the pair wished one another good luck.
“I love you buddy.” Lightsoul thought as he watched Fenzura run off and he turned to face Flare. Despite the two being apart Lightsoul knew that Fenzura was still with him. Together they can face anything…Though that still would not save him from the fury of his parents’ anger.
Date:Apr 16 2017 Chapter:Small, Mystical and Adorable
This chapter was good plot wise but it lacked generating a feel for the strength of the characters or a tangible essence within the character emotions. I don't know if I'm judging harshly after reading another that had powerful emotions which stood out but regardless of that's it still means there's areas of improvement.
The scene settings where good, but also some areas seemed rushed or just passed quickly like some of the transitions. The dialogue worked to your favour due to the characters being young and some which even felt cheesy did too. They worked as it was quite expectant of the age group being int their youth to say it as such.
This will lead me onto my bigggest feedback point. Partings are strong features and opportunities to show great character building opportunities, I did like how they parted to the extent. As it's third person only the views of one character are explored in a discriminating manner to others where acknowledgement from the writers prospective needs work. If you read most books you will find as a transition to the next scene in such partings, (I'm using that one as an example) it is expressed in a more three dimensional manner.
There's more than one party here so their views and emotions should also be explored to pull them out more as at times they feel like they're in the background opposed to being pulled out more to grant them more substance. Your style would be more suited to first person, which really would be spot on. Each character emotions insecurities etc, those aspect need to be applied more broadly if in third person through the chapter. There are clauses in this; unless you intend that character to have a hidden agenda or keeping a massive secret which you want to keep from the reader then there's other avenues and ways to still make the others still come to the foreground. Please take the time to read and look over what emotions thoughts along with other feelings and sensations you granted others in comparison to Lightsoul, it will help you balance the character and draw in the reader more. It also mustn't be over done to a point it drones on.
I have taken the time to read and give feedback. This is meant to be constructive and by no means to be taken in any other context. I hope