A scientific expedition goes awry leading to the discovery of strange new creatures, deep pain, and new hope.
Chapter 1 is the contest entry/story. It's actually PG-13 and pretty clean outside of some nudity, references to violence, heavy themes, and mild swearing.
Chapter 2 is a little porn for you guys. It's technically not part of the main story (hence being it's own chapter), but everyone likes porn so why not?
A Brave New World (2698 words) [Reviews: 1]
The names are pronounced as follows:
New Discoveries (1950 words)
Porn for the pornening! Is that even a word? Who cares.
Contains some spoilers as it's (sort of) a continuation of the first chapter.
Date:Nov 15 2016 Title:New Discoveries
Young man did you really make all the aliens have Mexican names? WITH A PRONOUNCIATION GUIDE FOR THEIR NAMES? DID YOU WRITE THIS FOR DONALD TRUMP HELLO?
Date:Apr 17 2017 Chapter:A Brave New World
Right from the start it throws you into mid into an event to capture. I was drawn to read more. The emotions were well played although I did have one gripe. The use of brackets which don't quite work that well in the sentence with Skysong and make it feel off. Also the usage of them in other areas like (What the hell.) and so on, don't work in that way.
If you google how to write thought, you will find the articles expressing correct ways, which would be italics without quotations or depending on style almost like direct speech but clarifying it with 'he thought.' I don't like the latter as it makes it unclear to me, even if correct. This is applicable for direct internal dialogue,'phychic therfore still fits this category. To clarify it's being spoken to another you may use quotation marks in this case but there's no set grammar
Sorry its its just a minor feedback point and hope it helps.
Other great points were were that you painted a vivid picture, with movements of character and discriptions. I loved the way you described landing inside the structure, things like oxidising etc to draw the colours out more for my mind to invisions hues of orange or the other scene of Mew dragging a leg in the way you also then allowed it to paint a posture.
I really enjoyed the story, well done.