AGNPH Stories

The Human Species by RingsOfSaturn


Story Notes:

It was a quiet night when Deoxys descended from the heavens.
Believed to not be of this world, it went on a rampage, leaving death and destruction in its wake.
Finally defeated by an unknown force, the tragedy of unparalleled magnitude it created remains in the heart of every human.
To make sure that something like this will never happen again, every wild Pokèmon powerful enough to cause such mayhem must be captured, controlled or killed.
Needless to say, this year has been a bad year for Legendaries. This year has also been a bad year for Champion Trainers.
But my year... Has been... THE WORST! 

Author's Chapter Notes:


Swarmed Trainer Silver

- - - - - - - - - - -

The vast plains between Route 216 and Eterna City are never still. The wide stretch of rustling grass would make any trainer shudder with anticipation as well as fear, seeing how miles upon miles of wilderness meant giving up the safety of having a Pokecenter nearby.

Even Pokèmon find themselves thrust into battle at a moment's notice in this area. The long strands of grass in one particular area was put into especially violent motions, twisting left and right to accommodate with the two Pokèmon moving around them.

A silenced thud was heard, forcing both the Pokèmon to a complete stop. The first Pokèmon, a canine with blue fur and short pants is standing on one leg while slowly retracting the other one from his opponent's head. The other Pokèmon, a large beetle with a long horn sticking out of his bleeding face tried to keep himself focused, but failed as the impact from the blow struck his brain and made his vision become blurry.

"Agh..." the Heracross coughed, stumbling away and falling on his backside with his legs sticking up into the air.

"Alright, that makes twenty seven" Lucario said while calmly brushing off a drop of blood that had found its way onto his leg.

"... Haahh..." the Heracross sighed as he turned to his side and got back on his feet, "... Twenty seven-what?"

"You're the twenty seventh Pokèmon to attack me for absolutely no reason" Lucario continued while developing a frown, "Out with it. What's your beef with me?"

"... Beef?" the Heracross repeated with confusion in his voice, "I just wanted a refreshing battle! Haven't got anything else planned for today!"

"Damn it, get a hobby or something!" Lucario snapped angrily, "I've got more important things to do than kick your ass!"

"If you don't want to fight, just run away..." the Heracross said with a pout, disappointed that he had lost.

"I would, if not for the fact that it'd probably be more exhausting than beating up weaklings like you..." Lucario mumbled before turning around, showing no fear of being attacked from behind, "I'm leaving. Oh, and I won. Give me something."

"... Uh..." the Heracross said to himself while looking around before suddenly picking up a small blue object from the ground, "... Here, have an Oran berry!"

"... I don't want it..." Lucario whispered with disdain while throwing a quick glance behind him at the blue berry.

"Oh... Well..." the Heracross exclaimed while fidgeting around, seemingly wanting to say something, "... You know, I've been kind of lonely lately. Do you mind if I tag along for a bit?"

"PISS OFF, ASSHAT!" Lucario roared at him while turning around and clenching his fist, "You attacked me out of nowhere! You've got four seconds to get out of here before I fucking kill you!"

The Heracross was taken off guard by this and stumbled back a bit before running away in fear, disappearing within the tall grass.

"Ugh, what a tiresome bunch..." Lucario groaned to himself, missing the Pokèmon like the small penguin or purple ball that would simply admire him instead of try to fight him.

"You're the one to talk" Lucario said with a wheezy voice, trying to impersonate Zerobi.

"Yeah, I sure am! Because..." Lucario to himself with his usual voice before sighing deeply, "... Nah, it just isn't the same..." He gave up on keeping conversation with himself and began walking once more, hoping that he would find Mew before dying of boredom.

A few weeks had passed since his last goodbye to his friends, even though he wasn't sure exactly how long ago it was since he had given up on counting the days after realizing he only had three fingers on each paw. Not because he kept count with them, but because the lack of hands made him too depressed to care. He had been half a second away from buying a set of pencils in Snowpoint City before Zerobi kindly reminded him that the only way he was going to use them was with his mouth or ass.

Thinking about the past kept him going forward, but with each step he found out that he missed his friends more and more. He snickered to himself when he realized that it was mostly his fault that he was alone, rejecting them like he had rejected the Heracross earlier. But taking Zerobi with him would pretty much have ruined her life, and taking Kabuta would have ruined his life judging by the stinky look Pikablu and Kabutops gave him the moment she bowed down to him.

As he wandered and imagined what the future held in store, he slowly began to realize that he had forgotten to ask the others what Mew actually looked like. Supposedly she would be the one to find him, but that did not stop him from wondering what she was like. He envisioned a large, old creature with a deep mighty voice, something befitting of the nickname "Big M".

Night had fallen before long, most normal Pokèmon going to sleep while waking up their nocturnal counterparts. Lucario felt reluctant sleeping out in the open as he had been attacked in his sleep once or twice in the past, and kept moving to find a place to lodge.

As luck would have it he came upon a small cave, consisting of little more than an entrance and a single room of darkness. While not optimal, he knew that it would give him protection from more sides than sleeping in the grass.

He had spent the long day both walking and fighting, and he felt a bit too wound up to simply lie down and rest. Thinking to himself, he tried to figure out if he was tired enough to go to sleep or not. He didn't know and settled for the latter, deciding to sit on a large rock a couple of meters away from the cave before entering it.

Staring into the sky, he couldn't help but feel that most of his problems simply melted away one by one. Even if he was no longer human, the moon would always look at him with indifference. Although his friends were far away, they were under the same sky as he was. Should everyone shun their responsibilities and the entire world come to an end, the stars would still burn on with much greater significance than anything he could possibly do.

Lucario's back became prickled as he suddenly sensed a small aura appear out of nowhere. It approached him from behind, slowing down and veering off before colliding with him. Shakily turning his head around, Lucario saw a purple figure flap its wings as it set down next to him.

"Quite the pleasant evening, no?" a meek yet dignified voice escaped the new arrival. Lucario looked at it, but had trouble seeing what it was as it kept wings as large as its entire body wrapped around itself. It had a small head with very large ears and no visible eyes, and instead of legs he saw what looked like feelers sticking out under it. Even so, its most prominent feature was without a doubt its huge mouth with large fangs sticking out of the corners.

"Uh..." Lucario mumbled and was not sure of what to say, "It sure is, Mr. Bat."

"Miss, not mister" the purple bat corrected him, "And 'Zubat', not 'Bat'."

"... Zubat?" Lucario repeated, the name hitting a familiar note in his head, "Oh yeah... Aren't you supposed to suck my blood or something?"

"No, I had my fill from a less fortunate Clefairy not long ago" the Zubat explained with a subtle smile forming on her large mouth, "I just wish to enjoy the moon this fine evening."

"That's... Not the response I expected" Lucario said, still trying to find any sort of eyes on the strange bat to look into, "I kind of thought you'd bite me or something."

"I could call for my brethren, if you would prefer that...?" she sighed, turning her head away from the moon and towards the cave.

"Heh... Why not?" Lucario scoffed while thinking back to the many horror movies he had seen in his youth, "Bats go well with a full moon."

"Indeed..." the Zubat whispered calmly before looking back at the moon, Lucario following her suite. He wanted to return to his philosophizing, but felt that it would feel a little out of place when sitting next to a sentient bat with no eyes.

"I must say..." the Zubat said after a while, "My good intentions aside, you are treating me with far more respect than regular travelers."

"Well... You're classier compared to what everyone else told me" Lucario explained while grasping the absurdity of the situation, "... Personally, I never thought I'd be enjoying a quiet view of the nightly skies with a bat."

"... It's kind of nice" the Zubat whispered while looking up at the moon, Lucario trying harder than ever to see if she actually had any eyes to view it with.

"... Why blood?" Lucario asked as his eyes fastened upon her fangs, a weak hue of red still visible on their tips.

"When it comes to nutrition, nothing beats blood" the Zubat said without looking down from the moon, "A shame, but that is the way things are."

"I had a girlfriend like that, not long ago..." Lucario muttered to himself with a nod before realizing what he had just said, "... By which I mean a friend that just happened to be a girl! Nothing else!"

Lucario expected a response from the Zubat and groaned at the thought of having to explain everything, but was surprised as she instead ignored him. It caught him slightly off guard as he resumed his own viewing of the moon, trying his best to ignore her ignoring him.

They both remained quiet, simply enjoying the moment. The long day of travelling and action had made Lucario long for some tranquility, and silently staring at the moon while sitting next to the surprisingly sophisticated bat filled him with the serenity he desired. It removed his loneliness while at the same time making him content.

"Hey, you're pretty cool" Lucario said and broke the silence while looking at her, "Want to be my pet? You can ride on my shoulder and everything."

"Can I drink your blood periodically?" the Zubat asked nonchalantly.

"... If you must..." Lucario mumbled with a shudder, staring at her very obvious fangs.

"Relax, I'm joking" the Zubat snickered mysteriously, "I hate daylight. This cave is my home for a reason."

"Hmm..." Lucario muttered disappointedly, "It was worth a try."

"Feeling lonesome, wanderer Lucario?" the Zubat asked with another subtle smile appearing on her face.

"... A bit, maybe..." Lucario admitted.

"It'll pass" the Zubat said reassuringly, "Until then, just sit and enjoy this evening."

They were about to continue their evening of solitude as the silence was suddenly broken. Sensing several auras as well as hearing loud noises coming from the cave, Lucario turned his head and was shocked at what he saw.

A human boy had just exited the cave, surrounded by a swarm of aggressive Zubats and a strange small creature surrounded by a barrier. The boy had red hair and a thin indigo jacket, the first of which was ruffled and the latter of which was in tatters with bite marks and cuts showing through, as well as a set of Pokeballs hidden within various pockets. His skin was extremely pale, but for his face which was glowing with a fiery fury.

Without hesitation, the fuming trainer plucked one of the flying creatures out of the air, and punched it repeatedly on the face before throwing it to the ground and stomping furiously upon its sad remains.

"FUCKING ZUBAT-FUCKS!" the trainer yelled, "FUCK YOU!"

"Hi hi hi!" the tiny creature giggled while flying around while still being surrounded by a powerful barrier, "That was fun! But master Silver, why did you not simply wish them away?"

"I wish I could wish YOU away!" Silver roared, flailing his arms around in anger. The rest of the swarm became frightened by this display of violence and dispersed.

"Um..." the small being mumbled while pondering his request, "... But that's a paradox! I don't think I would ever make myself disappear!"

"What a shame..." Silver muttered, smiling as the swarm backed off. He then became concerned as they stopped not far away, regrouping for another assault in revenge of their fallen comrade. The tiny creature that had been following him around for so long suddenly moved right in front of him and stared at him with a big smile, annoying him to no end.

The tiny creature itself was unremarkable, looking a little like a human fetus with white skin. However, on its head it seemed to be wearing a yellow hat that was shaped like a star, with green tags hanging by the edges. The hat reached down behind and far below the creature like two thin cloaks hanging by its sides. It had claimed to be the legendary Jirachi, but so far Silver had seen no sign of its supposed omnipotence and was convinced that someone was simply pranking him.

"Of course..." the Zubat sighed to herself with disdain, "Such a nice evening was too good to last..."

"Uh... Are they OK?" Lucario asked with a concerned voice as he saw the stomped Zubat lie twitching on the ground, "Should we go help them?"

"Zubat are resilient" she said without batting an eye (so to speak), "Besides, they're feeding. Move close and you will most likely be their new target."

"... Wait, they all came from in there?" Lucario asked, looking at the small cave that could not possibly fit half of what just left it.

"It is much larger on the inside" the Zubat explained calmly, "It goes underground."

"Master, look!" Jirachi suddenly shouted, staring directly at Lucario and the female Zubat. Silver reluctantly turned his head away from the dangerous swarm to look at the two of them.

"Master... His pants..." Jirachi continued as he sensed a familiar yet odd sensation emanating from them, "... They're really weird!"

"Hey, I don't want to hear that coming from some... Whatever you are" Lucario quickly replied.

"No spikes..." Silver muttered as his eyes lazily scrolled over Lucario before he quickly put his hands together, "... Oh! OH!"

Silver's eyes suddenly shot open as he straightened his back. A few particularly loud screeches escaped the swarm of Zubat not far away, but Silver completely ignored them.

"PERFECT!" Silver shouted while clenching his fist with dedication.

"... You want something with me, kiddo?" Lucario asked, thinking back to all the times he performed the same action and wondered if he looked as silly.

"He's asking what you want to do with him, master!" Jirachi chimed in, translating Lucario's words for Silver.

"Tell him that I'm going to catch him!" Silver responded confidently before lowering his voice to a mutter, "... Wait, why the hell am I talking to a Pokèmon through another Pokèmon!?"

"Um... My master is going to catch you!" Jirachi said with a smile, quite enjoying his new role as an interpreter.

"... Like, I understand him" Lucario muttered with annoyance.

"He says he understands you, master!" Jirachi told Silver, who clenched both his fists in response.

"Shut up!" he said while pulling out a single Pokeball from under his jacket, "Screw diplomacy! Prepare yourself, Lucario!"

Silver threw a red and white Pokeball towards Lucario who wasn't sure whether he was trying to catch him or bring out one of his own Pokèmon. His question was answered as the ball split open in midair, revealing a large rat-like creature. It was purple like the Zubat but in a lighter shade and with a white stomach, and had two large fangs sticking out of its mouth.

"Oh" the Zubat said indifferently as she looked at the new arrival, "A battle."

"You know, where I'm from, kids don't summon monsters" Lucario muttered while quietly lamenting over his predicament, "Although, to be honest... If they could, they probably would."

"Typical" the Zubat sighed disappointedly, "I finally find a man who will listen, and he becomes captured by a trainer right away."

"Relax" Lucario replied confidently with a shrug, "I've got this. Its aura is pitifully weak."

"He's saying you're weak, master!" Jirachi suddenly exclaimed, looking at his trainer whose eyes darkened.

"WHAT!?" Silver burst out with anger, "Rattata, bite his legs off!"

The Rattata tried to growl, but it came off as a pathetic squeak instead. It ran up to Lucario with surprising speed before throwing itself at his right leg. Lucario responded by kicking the Ratatta so hard in the face that a cheekbone cracked, one of its teeth became chipped and it flew straight up into the air. He thought about following it up and spiking it down to the ground, but sensed that it had already gone unconscious. Instead, he waited for it to come down again, after which he grabbed its tail before it struck the ground.

"... Um, to be honest, I agree with him!" Jirachi said with a worried tone as he saw that Silver's mouth was agape.

"WHAT!?" he yelled while shaking his fist at the legendary Pokèmon, "Mock me again, and I'll... I mean, I wish you would never... Do that... Thing you did... Evermore!"

"... Uh, you lost me after 'wish'!" Jirachi responded, trying to make sense out of what his trainer had just said.

"The main flaw in your plan was that in your attack, you attempted to rapidly place your head right next to the destructive force of my leg" Lucario explained in an overly complicated way while waving the Ratatta in his hand back and forth, "... If you didn't see this coming, get your eyes checked."

"Speaking of 'wish', there's still one way for you to win..." Jirachi kept going while not so subtly hinting at something.

"FINE!" Silver growled "Jirachi, I wish for you to defeat that Lucario!"

"Nothing could be easier!" Jirachi giggled, moving away from his trainer as he slowly approached Lucario.

"Oh?" Lucario said cockily while holding up the Ratatta, "Want to beat this thing's flying record?"

"I already have!" Jirachi answered happily while adjusting his height so that he was on the same level as Lucario. Meanwhile, Lucario felt encumbered by the Ratatta and threw it to his side. He could barely sense any aura from his new opponent and had already started planning for something witty to say after the fight.

Jirachi settled in midair a fairly long distance away from Lucario, having found the perfect spot to start the battle from. He looked at his trainer for a moment before finally building enough confidence to begin his attack.

"Zen Headbutt!" Jirachi exclaimed cheerfully, surrounding himself with a white aura of energy before flying towards Lucario like a speeding bullet. The incredible fastness of the attack took Lucario completely off guard, the small legendary connecting with his chest before he even knew what had happened.

Lucario felt his ribs shatter and pierce the surrounding muscle tissue as an explosion of blood poured out of his mouth. The force of the attack make his toenails rattle, and was comparable to how he imagined being hit by a car would feel like. Flying back several meters, the mountain he crashed into felt like a soft bedpan compared to the blow he had just received.

He could still hear some voices surrounding him, but was too dazed to make any sense out of them. Pitifully still on the ground in a growing pool of his own blood, he waited for someone to come rescue him.

"... Zerobi...?" he mumbled, remembering that she had been reunited with her sister. Her final words of worry echoed through his head. A small penguin appeared in his mind, smiling at him before suddenly becoming abducted by the cackling silhouette of a madman. A short vision of Kabuta standing alongside with the Gallade and Pikablu showed itself afterwards, the massive wound on his chest working in contrast to the memory of Celebi's warm healing.

Slowly he realized that he was all alone. Using the last of his strength to look up, he saw what seemed like a cloud of darkness surrounding the trainer and his Pokèmon. A bright, white light suddenly cut through it, sending small winged dots flying in every direction.

After that, a spinning Pokeball came flying at him, crashing into his forehead and knocking him out.

- - - - - - - - - - -
Chapter End Notes:"M-Miss Rukario! Are you leaving already!?"


"No! Don't leave! Stay!"

"... Forgive me, but there is someone else out there that needs me."

"You just fought off three enemies... Surely you can't go out like this...?"

"I've... Survived worse."


"You shouldn't cry, Christie. I'll come back again."


"... What?"

"... Zagrim told me that Arceus painted you."



"He did."


"... He painted you, as well."


"Arceus is a very mighty being, with many different colors to choose from. He simply cannot settle with just one set for each Pokemon!"

"R-Really? How... How do you know?"

"... Someone very important to me told me that, once."



"At any rate, you saved our lives. You are welcome to come back whenever you feel like it."


"Go on, Christie."

"... One more hug!"

"... Okay... But this is the last one."
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