I'll admit, the title and summary had me interested, but you lost me with the actual story. Not being mean or anything, but there was a lack of depth that veteran writers will damn you to the Distortion World for.

If this is your first time fan fiction ithen I can avail myself to assist should you need it.

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If I choose to look at this as I would a piece of naive art, there is actually very little to criticize. By that I mean, the first scene of the two (and the bulk of the whole matter) reads not as a piece of fiction per se, but rather as a comic strip. So much so in fact, that I question if one was not the source of inspiration here. The second scene, a mere fragment, does lead me to wonder if perhaps there was an error in submitting. Especially since this indicates a General-audience rating but enters into discussion of "sex[iness]" within the first two hundred words.

Suddenly, I am overwhelmed by a bizarre desire to consume a Mountain Dew Supernova. That is a brand of soda I have almost never consumed, but I am relieved that I am not instead thirsting for a mountain dude's Chevy Nova. With at least 25 years of going up and down said mountain, I'm sure one would have something of a gamy flavor.

One thing remains unclear. Which joke was The Joke of the title? I counted three, but no one stood out insofar as...oh, ha! I just got it. Well played!

New to fic learning

It's been awhile since I've been behind the keyboard to offer advice to writers on AGNPH, but perhaps a little Anger would be beneficial in a matter such as this.

First, the rating needs a bit of a change there chum. Then again, if this is the material you consider suitable for ages befitting such a rating, then your opinion is your own. Everyone else however will see this clearly as anything but G, so I wouldn't be surprised if some kind of higher-up among us called you out on it in the oncoming future.

Next is the grammar. I could get down and dirty with every slip-up, but I'm not your proofreader. This is a matter needed to be resolved by yourself if you want to improve, or with aid to help learn.

Just as important, the story. Then again, what story? We don't know anything about these characters, yet you're thrusting us (dirty joke) into these odd situations for these brief 1000+ words. They play a practical joke because of the date? Well alright. then, without leading up, as if emerging from the void, SEX. If anything, the joke isn't what this story is about, or even that deplorable conclusion. No sir, in all painful honesty, this story is a joke. If it was a funny one, it could be forgiven, but it's not.

I'm not angry over a poor joke, but I read it as a degradation towards other stories on this site, as if to belittle their plots, characters, and twists along their brief or long agendas, throwing in sometimes uncalled for sexual interludes as if this is the only material we're hunting for.

Who knows, maybe I'm looking into this too much.
Maybe, just this once, I'm a tad angry.