Story Notes:
*jumps in randomly* HI! Well bringing my work here now after the suggestion of a few friends, hopefully everyone will enjoy it. Anyways a bit of history, this is the first chapter of a series I posted late last year at a different site. Only have 6 chapters done thus far, the series is far from done but I'm going back and doing rewrites, SO expect me to post a finished rewrite of a chapter here now and then. ^^
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Zeke's Tale Chapter 1: When two souls meet. (22611 words)
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Zeke's Tale Chapter 2: A New Beginning. (26087 words) [Reviews: 1]
Date:Jul 28 2014 Chapter:Zeke's Tale Chapter 2: A New Beginning.
Then there is you're incredibly awful grammar... The biggest issue is how many times you mix words up, and other times you didn't use the words appropriately. You also failed to use commas where they were needed most. Commas help the reader to determine when to pause, or stop in a sentence. They're more important than one might think.
A majority of your sentences are run on sentences, or either ones that just don't make sense. The whole story idea is epic and really clever, but you just don't seem to have the writing skills to make this fun to read. Though I didn't see many spelling mistakes, I did catch quite a few typo's.
Aside from the silly and careless mistakes, I really did enjoy reading your story.
Overall, you did a moderately good job, and I envy your skill in idealism.
-{ 4 Stars__ +1 for enjoyment__ +1 for story idea }-