Story Notes:
Yeah! I'm totally NOT dead, AND I'm actually making progress! I plan on making this a nice, short little story, maybe 2 parts. If I think it's good enough, I'll make it a bit longer. So, enjoy!
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of me. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended, yadda yadda yadda.
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Welcome to Storage. (3793 words) [Reviews: 1]
Yep. Title says it all. This is supposed to be part 1 of a 2 part short, but I dunno if it's gonna be short at all. No violence yet, but it'll come, trust me. In the end, I hope you enjoy!
Date:Dec 3 2013 Chapter:Welcome to Storage.
First off, there is one thing that you need to fix desperately in all of you fic writing: the dreaded, indeciperable WALL OF TEXT. Until this is fixed, I'm afraid that I can't read this story thoroughly enough to give a meaningful rating.
One thing to take note is that there's supposed to be a paragraph break between each line of dialogue from different speakers (not optional in English writing). This would greatly increase the readability of the text; as of right now, it's difficult to pick out when the speaker switches from one pokemon to the next.
Secondly, the story seems to be mostly dialogue, broken up a bit by short snippets of description that tell what's around rather than trying to describe the imagery of the scenes. One of the more important rules of storytelling is "show, don't tell", which can make your prose much better.
Please, please heed the wall of text advice. It really shows in your other story and makes them both extremely difficult and tiring to read.
Thank you very much for your advice, good sir. I will take everything into consideration from this point on.