AGNPH Stories
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Will and Keelia by
Rated:PG-13 [Reviews: 6]

Summary:

Twenty year old college student William Lucas has the ability to talk to Pokémon. At the end of a particularly bad day he meets a wounded Eevee, and the two quickly form a bond. Little do they know a path of adventure and discovery awaits them.

Story Notes:

This is my first story and it will be quite long by the time it is finished. Sorry folks, but there will be no smut. Hope you enjoy!

  1. Chapter 1 - The Bad Day (3067 words) [Reviews: 3]

    Well, this is the first chapter of my first story! Sorry if my writing style is a bit awkward. I hope that improves with some feedback from you all.

  2. Chapter 2 - Key (3077 words)

    Will returns home with Keelia and has a very strange dream. It is soon forgotten as the two have a fun day of bonding together.

  3. Chapter 3 - Separated (3231 words) [Reviews: 1]

    Keelia divulges the story of her past. Warning: dem feels tho

  4. Chapter 4 - What Mattered Most (4919 words) [Reviews: 2]

    Will has a big choice to make, what will he do?

  5. Chapter 5 - Past and Present (5976 words)

    Will and Keelia start their search for Vui as the past intersects with the present

  6. Chapter 6 - The Love of a Mother (7951 words)

    Vui's side of the story followed by that whole deal with the woman with the gun. Plus much more!

  7. Chapter 7 - Found (7758 words)

    After finding Vui in dire straits, Will and Keelia must rush to have her healed. 

  • Comments (0)
  • Reviews (6)
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  •  
    Reviewer: kolofox
    Date:May 27 2014 Chapter:Chapter 1 - The Bad Day
    That's a pretty good start keep up the good work, but a word of advice write out numbers and times example would be seven thirty,7:30, reads the same way but writing it out makes it seem more thoughtful, but that's just me. other than that you're golden hope to read some more from you.
    Author's Response:
    Thanks! My creative writing teacher used to get on me about the whole numbers thing actually. I suppose it does make it seem a bit more intentional and thoughtful in a way. I'm just really glad that someone responded, and so quickly too! Thanks again!
     
  •  
    Reviewer: xell
    Date:Jun 11 2014 Chapter:Chapter 1 - The Bad Day

    I really enjoy it! The short dialogue is fantastic and makes for a more narrative-driven experience. It is kind of like The Hunger Games so far with the way the narrative is, with the narrative giving an insight to the characters thinking rather than focusing on dialogue, something I could never do.

    Author's Response:
    Thanks! That is sort of unintentional, it is just how I express myself through words! I'm glad that you like it!
     
  •  
    Reviewer: redacted
    Date:Aug 31 2014 Chapter:Chapter 1 - The Bad Day
    Well, I'm thrilled that you finally put this up. But there are some things that I feel could have been added or removed.
    To start off, the deal with the grunt... He needn't be so profane. Even if he is a 'bad guy' it doesn't follow pokémon logic. Keep the story realistic, yet keep it true to pokémon's theme.
    Then there's the fighting...that bugged me the most. Vui of course was at a disadvantage, however she was beaten before she really got a chance to attack.
    Then, theres the fact that the pokémon were physically damaged. Pokémon cannot be hurt until they loose all of their 'energy', or better known as their 'aura'. I know you know that pokémon faint after this has run out. Though an unconscious pokémon (or a pokémon stripped of it's aura) cannot be caught, It can certainly be hurt or killed.
    So when Keelia breaks the zoroarks ribs, it doesn't follow that 'rule'. Same when the zoroark cuts into Keelia's belly.

    Don't get me wrong, Golf. I really enjoyed reading this, other than those several flaus I'd say you did really well.

    Overall, I think you should take inspiration from other stories, and dig into the physics behind pokémon battle.

    -{ 6 stars__ + 1 for enjoyment }-
    Author's Response:
    Thanks, I appreciate the review! I should have said that I do not respect canon in several ways. I never knew that there was "aura" in pokemon battling, and that sounds like an okay explanation. For you, it might make more sense, but for me, I go with what was detailed in many of the Pokemon Mangas. Those showed a very graphic and gritty side of pokemon, and I like it better. The man in grey (thank you for saying that his is a grunt) is profane because Vui was profane to him. Of course, Keelia could not hear it. There is a serious animosity between the two that will be explained later. The reason why Vui was barely even given a chance in the fight will be explained later, so keep in mind that the Zoroark was scary strong. This is going to shape up to be a very dark story at some points, so I apologize if it does not follow "pokemon logic." I certainly do not want to keep taking inspiration from other stories because I have done that enough already. I want this to be as original as possible. So yeah, thanks for the review and I look forward to what you will have to say about chapter 4!
     
  •  
    Reviewer: kolofox
    Date:Sep 1 2014 Chapter:Chapter 3 - Separated
    Wow, reminds me of another story I read "Love Lost". It is really shaping up here dude and I really starting to get hooked on this. Can't wait to read the next chapter.

    Grammar wise I don't see much wrong; good flow and consistency, and Characters! OMG I love the development you put in there for Keelia, really adds depth to her; makes me wonder what she'll evolve into.
    Author's Response:
    Thanks for reading! It really means a lot to me to see people actually enjoying this weird story that i'm writing. I'll try to keep up the chapters, but with classes I cannot guarantee much :I. Anyway, thanks!
     
  •  
    Reviewer: kolofox
    Date:Oct 9 2014 Chapter:Chapter 4 - What Mattered Most
    Ah so the journey begins,
    Author's Response:
    Yes, yes it does! :D
     
  •  
    Reviewer: xell
    Date:Oct 13 2014 Chapter:Chapter 4 - What Mattered Most

    Personally, I like this. it is great. But some notes:

    Make your message a little more subtle.


    Make all of the accepting characters less common. If you want him to feel like a rebel, make it seem like people are regecting his ideas and ways of thought. I want him to be like "I feel like a rebel!" Then his parents or his boss to be like "Get out of my sight" or "Get out of here" the way it is, I am highly doubting him saying he is feeling like a rebel. he seems more like he's just kind of like "I'm going to do this because everyone will accept me no matter who I am," which is okay, it just needs to be sent through the dialogue/monologue of the person and the person it is coming from. As it is, it has this dissonance to it.


    I like the relationship going on between Will and Kelia. Most would have made it a distrust all the time no matter who it is, but it seems as though Kelia trusts whoever Will trusts, which is slightly more realistic.


    I love Ms. Wike. Whether you intended her to be or not, I imagined her as a black woman, and she was great!

    Author's Response:
    Yeah, I'm going to put something up here anyway even though we talked about it on Skype :3. The reason I stress the message so much is because of a plot twist that will occur later that underlines all of the feelings Will is having about taking off. I think that Will (although I never conveyed this in the story) feels like that he is in rebellion to what he had always planned to do with his life, and he almost feels bad about it. But hey, he has got Keelia to go along with, and his decision to go along with her will be one of the most life-changing experiences. Super trust so fast? That is kind of explained later. Mrs. Wike was not necessarily a black woman, but I can see it now that you say it x3. Glad you enjoyed and reviewed!