AGNPH Stories


(Male Buizel/Female Trainer) A chance encounter between a girl and a sea otter at the beachside turns out to be the best day of their lives.

Story Notes:

My second story, and much longer than the last. I have improved a lot if I may say so myself... though I still need to look things up like twice per minute, and I don't get how to show instead of tell properly. It's just way too difficult without dialogue. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!

  1. Leisurely Walk (1560 words) [Reviews: 1]

No comments posted
    Reviewer: redacted
    Date:Jul 27 2014 Chapter:Leisurely Walk
    Not bad, but it's a little strange how you get to the point so quickly. I didn't notice any grammatical or spelling mistakes, but that doesn't suprise me...this was a pretty short story.
    I would suggest that you have a little more happen during the walk, and before the smut. The story's fine without dialogue, but It would have explained what was happening a little bit better.

    Overall, good job. The story could have been longer and it needed the use of dialogue.

    -{ 5 Stars }-
    Author's Response:
    Thank you for the review! I agree that this story leaves much to be desired and could have had a bit more character development, though I should note that the story is actually 6 years old at this point. It was originally posted in November 2007 and I hope that I have improved a bit since then.