It was a quiet night when Deoxys descended from the heavens.
Believed to not be of this world, it went on a rampage, leaving death and destruction in its wake.
Finally defeated by an unknown force, the tragedy of unparalleled magnitude it created remains in the heart of every human.
To make sure that something like this will never happen again, every wild PokÃ¨mon powerful enough to cause such mayhem must be captured, controlled or killed.
Needless to say, this year has been a bad year for Legendaries. This year has also been a bad year for Champion Trainers.
But my year... Has been... THE WORST!
Author's Chapter Notes:
Suppressed Personality Cyon
He was still in the cave, still lying on the ground. A worried Mew was floating above him, hanging upside down in midair so that she could face him directly.
"You lost consciousness," Mew said softly before blinking, "What happened?"
Lucario looked at her for a moment, still coming to terms with his abrupt awakening and wondering why his head felt so heavy. As he erected himself into a sitting position, the cause for his highly encumbered mind came back to him as he started moving away from Mew with a scared expression.
It had been far too vivid to be a dream, and much too detailed to be an imagination. He had been relishing in victory over the gym leader Falkner, before going on a very first 'date' with a young Rukario... Just thinking about it made him shudder all over.
... Why? Why did his own memories feel so distant and unfamiliar? And why had there been anything regarding a young Rukario?
"I noticed severe brain activity..." Mew spoke up, but Lucario's troubled expression made her wonder if maybe she should have kept quiet for the duration.
"Nothing much... Just had a terrible nightmare..." Lucario muttered defiantly while forcing the past away to focus on his current situation, "... It was something about you telling me you weren't going to make me human."
"It is out of my hands..." Mew sighed sadly, never having expected such lamentation to be born from her saving his life, "There is nothing anyone can do about it."
"That can't be," Lucario said while slowly shaking his head, "Not after everything I've done... Not after all this time..."
He noticed that his own voice had a hint of bitterness he had never heard before. It brought back the strange sensation of hearing an unfamiliar voice escape his mouth, just like the time he had first woken up as a Lucario, crawling out of that grave so very long ago.
Having spent so much time within the body of a Pokémon had made him forget what his original voice even sounded like. Closing his eyes, he realized that it was far from the only thing he had forgotten, as he tried to visualize the peculiar memory flashes he had just experienced.
Defeating Falkner, the gym leader... Mew's story pointed towards the fact that he was actually Ethan, could that have been something he had done and simply forgotten about? But the vision of going on a date with a young Rukario... She had kept insisting that he had been her love Cyon, with plenty of hard evidence to back it up. Perhaps the Lucario's body he was now housing had once belonged to Cyon?
But in that case, why did he have memories from both Ethan and Cyon?
And why did neither of them feel like his own?
"Damn it, Mew!" Lucario burst out angrily as to shout down out his own thoughts before they could lead him to a very dark place, "I've had it with you Pokémon! I'm going to be a regular human again, with or without you!"
"Why are you so miserable as a Pokémon?" Mew asked with a bewildered tone to her voice, getting to be annoyed at Lucario's stubbornness.
"Are you fucking kidding me!?" Lucario growled loudly while rising to his full height, "When I'm not busy living in the wilderness and eating SHIT for dinner, some asshole trainer is killing me!"
"A human trainer, mind you!" Mew snapped back as she too rose to her full height, but as the effect was rather disappointing she instead floated a bit higher with her psychic powers to match Lucario, "Pokémon are not to blame for that!"
"He could've been my friend if not for this body!" Lucario kept going while angrily tugging at his bushy chest hair, the pain not even making itself noticeable in the turmoil of his mind, "Hell, if I really was Ethan, that means I was praised, hailed and treated like a damn king just for being human!"
"Those were results of your actions, not your form," Mew explained calmly, before regretting her words as he suddenly gave her a nasty glare. She realized that she actually had no idea what Lucario had been doing since becoming a Pokémon.
"Well, excuse me for only saving the world once!" Lucario muttered with a snide tone before pointing to himself, "Geez, I can't wait to selflessly help someone out again, just look at what I got out of it the first time!"
"You got a second chance at life!" Mew replied quickly, deciding to take a more aggressive role in their dialogue to see if she could reach out to him more easily that way, "Do not waste it!"
"That's out of my hands, and you know it!" Lucario answered with equal aggressions before pulling down his ears to his sides in frustration, "I'm screwed! I'm a fucking monster, struggling just to sustain a miserable existence! I... I can't live like this!"
"Of course you can!" Mew countered while subconsciously making herself float a little higher, "There are millions of Pokémon around the world, all living happy and fulfilling lives! If they can do it, so can you!"
"No, I can't, because, here's a shocker, I'M NOT A GODDAMN POKÉMON!" Lucario burst out once more as he let go of his ears, letting them return to their normal position as his face contorted in rage, "I AM ETHAN!"
Again, the unfamiliarity of the term rang in his head. Claiming a name and life he did not even remember... It felt even less acceptable than his current form as a Pokémon. But still, the strange inner journey from earlier had shown him pieces from the life of a Pokémon trainer... But there were no guarantees it had simply not been his mind playing tricks on him.
Besides, he had also gotten to experience the very familiar sensation of being a Lucario in those visions, and encountered a Rukario even younger than the picture he of her he had been shown in Snowpoint City. How was that possible? He thought about it for a while before he suddenly came to a conclusion, so frightening it immediately took all the air out of his lungs.
"I..." he wheezed, his face aghast as he looked down on his body, suddenly very aware of the long ears he had manipulated earlier, "I am... Cyon...!?"
The unfamiliarity of his words once more came upon him, but the relief he had been expecting did not, for at this point he had almost hoped that would have turned out to be the case. As things stood now, he was neither Ethan nor Cyon, or possibly both, with nothing to show for it but useless visions.
"Fucking hell..." he growled while clenching his fists and closing his eyes in frustration, his mind suddenly feeling very heavy, "... What the hell am I...?"
"You are Lucario," Mew said calmly, Lucario having completely forgotten about her presence. Somehow, her indifference to the whole situation only served to fuel his anger.
"... No!" Lucario burst out while helplessly flailing his arms about in denial, "I'm not a fucking Pokémon! I'm human! I'm-"
"You are a Pokémon who used to be human," Mew interrupted with a voice as calm as before, her blue eyes glittering in serenity, "Simple as that."
"SIMPLE!? Mew..." Lucario groaned as he put his shaking hands to his head, thinking of a way to explain to both Mew and himself what was happening, "... I'm living two realities at once! I'm Ethan, and I'm also Cyon! But at the same time, I'm neither!"
"That is because you are Lucario, and nothing else," Mew said sternly while nodding in a display of assurance, "What you were a year ago... Even what you were one second ago... Does nothing to determine what you are right now."
"... What the hell are you talking about!?" Lucario yelled out in confusion, already having his own inner struggle to handle and not paying much attention to her words.
"You cannot change the past, but your actions of the present are what shape your future..." Mew muttered with disdain, Lucario's obvious lack of attention causing something to flare up in her as she suddenly screamed, "... But if you wish to wallow in self-pity instead of growing a pair and seeing what lies ahead, SO BE IT!"
Lucario staggered and looked up, completely taken aback by the unexpected loudness of her voice. A voice that had always seemed so soft and harmless had suddenly gained such a mean tone, and Lucario could not help but stare in bewilderment as she glared at him with eyes suddenly set on fire.
As her words sunk in, memories of when he himself had said something of similar nature to a pitiful Astrid came upon him. Memories of events, which unlike the earlier visions had definitively been his. Those memories held within them thoughts which had also been his, at least before finding out his quest for humanity would not succeed.
The quest that he had been enduring for so long, having turned out to be fruitless... Traveling across the world, fighting for his survival more than once... All of it for nothing. A complete failure. Even so, he had been faced with failure more than once. Every time he had fought on defiantly...
... But... Why? Was it all so that he could continue trying to become human again? If so, what was this familiar feeling rising up within him, telling him to keep pushing forward despite now knowing there was no hope for him to regain his old body?
Could it have been his survival instincts acting up? In that case, why he had he been so eager to risk his life by even going on this quest in the first place? Surely he would have been far safer fleeing and hiding somewhere, instead of openly defying all the champion trainers he had encountered.
Perhaps... It was simply who he was.
Who he was. Not Ethan, not Cyon, not even Lucario. The mind and will currently thinking this, possessing the body under his command... It was the only him he knew to be true.
Mew was right. Whoever he had once been; a human within the body of a Pokémon... Ethan or Cyon... It did not matter anymore. He still wished to become human, but if that was no longer an option...
"... You're right..." Lucario said quietly after a long period of thinking, noticing that his entire body had started shaking for some reason, "I... I'll never get used to being a Pokémon, but between crying over it like a girl and taking it like a man, my choice's already set."
Mew sighed, and closed her eyes for a moment. When they opened, they were of the serene blue that Lucario had known up until now, making him wonder what exactly had just taken place behind her eyelids.
"Do you accept the situation?" Mew asked, a hint of relief apparent in her voice.
"... Yeah..." Lucario lied, the weight that had attached itself to his mind still as present as ever. Despite what he had just said, could he truly live the life of a Pokémon? Food was going to taste like shit, living in the wilderness was going to suck and he would never, ever find a girl to be with... But when all was said and done, it would still a step up from being dead.
He would still be hunted by Pokémon trainers. Eventually, he would be captured and forced to serve at some kid's beck and call, if not killed for some sadist's amusement. He knew neither option was one he would enjoy very much. He was about to point this out to Mew in order to reinforce his argument, when he suddenly realized that he was backing the wrong end of the argument. Why was he insisting that his life was going to suck while she was denying it, anyway? If she could have a positive outlook on things, why couldn't he?
So far becoming human again had seemed to be the solution to all his problems, but could there possibly be another way? If he could find some kind of food he liked, without collapsing his digestive system... Some real-estate in a quiet area where no neighbors would look too carefully into who or what was living there... Maybe even a nice girl crazy enough to like a furred monster such as himself...?
On top of the priority list would be to do something about the champions hunting him down, however. He would either have to become much stronger, or find a way to get them to stop chasing him. Maybe if they knew he had once been Ethan, they would treat him with more respect? Oh, but how would he tell them...? And how would they believe him...? And what was to stop a jerk like Brendan from killing him out of spite over some long-gone rivalry...?
Lucario thought to himself for a while, noticing a term popping up over and over again in his mind and interrupting his thinking. He knew there was only one way to get rid of it.
"... Growing a pair...?" Lucario repeated, looking curiously at Mew as the strangely foreign sensation of a smile came upon his lips. As the weight from his mind slowly lifted itself, he suddenly noticed that he was feeling very hungry, and turned his head to look around the cave to see if there was anything that he could eat nearby.
"Um, yes," Mew said with a nod, surprised to see that this is what Lucario had been thinking about all this time, "I overheard someone using that expression, once. I believe it is referring to increasing the size of both your brain halves."
"Nah," Lucario snickered with a sardonic smile, "It's referring to testicles."
"Eh...?" Mew exclaimed with an expression of minor confusion, before it turned into one of full bewilderment, "E-Eh!?"
"Got to admit - Didn't think you had it in you," Lucario said before starting to laugh. Mew became more and more embarrassed as she tried to explain herself, the two of them bickering back and forth as the sun began falling in the distance, far outside of the cavern's walls...