No flames eh? No need to fear that from a buizel...I'll try to put this as gentle as possible.

To start off, way to leave us hanging...quite a shocking end, I like it.

But what I don't like is the numerous grammatical errors and mistakes you overlooked. I won't leave any examples as there is too many to choose from. Just reread the story and you'll see what I mean.

The story on the otherpaw is pretty darn swell. I really like how you pieced together the characters, quite creative and very intriguing.
The story itself is a cool concept; an intelligent young adolescent striving to become a trainer who comes from a rough past, that of which left him as a cripple.
Though, there are several areas in the story which you left foggy and unclear. For example; who Papa O'kei exactly was. Yes I understand he's Anthony's great grandfather, but what happend between him and Anthony?

Overall, I say you need to be less careless in your writing and proofread your finished work. The story definately was well thought out, certainly the best part of your work. Good job, and I look foward to more.

-{ 6 stars__ }-

As far as trainer fics go, this has to be the most original and refreshing I have seen.

I've gotten to this chapter so far, but I can tell this is shaping up to be a great read.

First, your characters are interesting and have depth. Their interactions and dialogue is very natural and well thought out. It was a little odd when I first learned that Anthony was crippled, but I see so much more depth and room for development in a character like that. Kudos for that. My one gripe with him is that he seems a bit too mature for his age in the way he talks and the way he processes various situations.

Second, the whole concept of the "obstacle course" that Anthony must clear was brilliant. Very fun to imagine and a blast to read. Again, the word "original" comes to mind.

Third, the overall feel of where the story is heading seems exciting and promising. I don't know how to describe it any other way.

There are a couple things that stick out to me in a negative way though. I notice that it is hard to picture exactly what is going on in some parts of the story. I think you could improve by being more descriptive in your settings. Picture in your mind's eye what exactly the scene is that you are writing about, and describe that to the best of your ability. Just a suggestion, because I found the Kalos that Anthony and company are traveling around in to be a little bland (now that I'm writing this I realize that I need to do this more).

There remains the elephant in the room still, and that is your grammar and sentence structure. There were many, many of these errors in these first two chapters. I did, however, sneak a peek at your most recent chapter to see that you have improved somewhat (especially with the line spacing). Still, I see several places where you have run-on sentences and comma splices. A good way to catch these sort of errors is to read your drafts out loud in a conversational manner. You will become acquainted with the best sort of flow in each sentence if you do this, but you might sound a little weird to yourself while you are doing it. Don't worry, it's normal xD.

You had mentioned something about tracking down a beta-reader earlier, and I think that is a great thing to have. If you are still seeking out one, I would be glad to be a beta-reader for you. At the very least, you seem like an author that I would want to get critiques from/bounce ideas of off. PM me about that.

Lastly, know that I enjoyed reading this and look forward to getting down to the rest of it. All flaws aside, I think you are a great writer and that this story is shaping up to be something fantastic.

Ok this has been a great read. Very fun and exciting. A nice twist to me that is having Anthony wirh only one leg. Also making vix blind at one point. Adding hurdles of reality to them besides rhe normal stuff. 

 

I do like also how you have about the whole breeding with humans is possoble to an extent.

 

Over all i find little wrong with thia story. Such as errors and such. I hope to read more when you have time to write more.

Ok this has been a great read. Very fun and exciting. A nice twist to me that is having Anthony wirh only one leg. Also making vix blind at one point. Adding hurdles of reality to them besides rhe normal stuff. 

 

I do like also how you have about the whole breeding with humans is possoble to an extent.

 

Over all i find little wrong with thia story. Such as errors and such. I hope to read more when you have time to write more.

Ok this has been a great read. Very fun and exciting. A nice twist to me that is having Anthony wirh only one leg. Also making vix blind at one point. Adding hurdles of reality to them besides rhe normal stuff. 

 

I do like also how you have about the whole breeding with humans is possoble to an extent.

 

Over all i find little wrong with thia story. Such as errors and such. I hope to read more when you have time to write more.

Update? :(